I eventually pull myself off the floor of my once shared living room and drag my weak body to the sofa. I don't think i have ever cried this much before. I'm still trying to understand how this whole thing unfolded. I still don't understand how she thought I would react positively to her telling me I had to uproot my life here in London, with Arsenal and move to Manchester.I would never ask her to do that for me. She knows how much I love Arsenal and my friends here. It honestly baffles me. It really showsb how little I knew about her. She obviously wasn't the person I thought she was and her calling me a 'selfish bitch' really was the icing on the cake. Sitting here now and thinking back on our relationship i realize I overlooked a lot of things in our relationship that i normally wouldn't. Like how she would flip out and overreact in small arguments or how she would talk about my life like it mattered less than hers. That explains why she thought this was a good idea, like I would just follow her wherever because my life and my career didn't matter as much as hers did.
I just feel so stupid and heartbroken. I know I can't go into training tomorrow in this state so I text Jonas and tell him I won't be able to make it in tomorrow as I have a really bad cold. After I send the text I turn my phone off, I can't think of anything worse then going on social media right now. I just turn the tv up, wrap myself in a blanket and cry for hours until I eventually fall asleep.
—-
I've just been on my sofa all day, only moving every few hours to go toilet. I don't want to move, I don't want to do anything. It's 4pm, around the time when training normally finishes for the Arsenal girls. Im sat on the sofa starting at the ceiling when I hear a knock on the door. I use all the strength I have to get up and answer the door. When I pull it open it reveals a worried looking Katie and Jordan, my two closest friends.
I lead them into the living room without saying a word as I don't t trust my voice right now. I feel as though I could breakdown at any moment and i most likely will.
After we all sit down on the couch I have lived on for the past 24hours. Katie asks the million dollar question....
"What happened?" She asks with her eyebrows furrowed.
"We seen the announcement the Megan is going to man city and all the girls including us are very confused, why didn't you tell us?"Jordan adds on looking just as worried as Katie
" because I didn't know" I say letting out an amused chuckle at how crazy this sounds out loud "she wanted to surprise me, she thought I would be over the moon at the decision she made that we would move to Manchester together" I say looking at the two girls as I watch their faces turn into ones of disbelief, the emotion I have been feeling since this whole thing happened.
"What the fuck was she thinking? You have a life here and you play for arsenal" Katie said seemingly more confused after my explanation then before , Jordan looking the same.
I sigh " I know but obviously she didn't care because in her eyes my life and career are nothing in comparison to hers" I say defeated.
"That's not right, how can someone who is supposed to love you not care about your opinions" Jordan says angrily.
"I don't know Jord, but it's obvious now she doesn't love me because she walked out like it was nothing, like i ment nothing, telling me not to contact her again" after I say the last part katie just pulls me into her and hugs me tightly. I didn't know how much I needed a hug from her right now. I couldn't contain the tears that had been building up during this conversation so they all started pouring out at once.
While this was happening Jordan said she was going out to get food as she knew I didn't have any which I appreciate . This just left me and Katie alone, which I didn't mind. I was still wrapped in her arms crying into her shoulder, which was now soaked from my relentless tears, but I knew she wouldn't mind, she just wanted to be here for me.
—
After about 10 minutes my tears finally stopped and me and Katie were just lying next to each-other on the sofa now.
Throughout mine and Megan's relationship she always said she knew Katie fancied me and that she didn't want me to be around her but I told her Katie was my best friend and I wouldn't stop being around her just because she was jealous.
While I was with Megan I didn't think of Katie in any other way than her just being my friend but lying here with her now i realized I felt so safe and calm when I was in her arms. I'd never felt like this before with anyone including Megan. Maybe that means something or maybe I'm just imagining things.
As we're lying here, while Katie strokes my arm she breaks the silence.
"I never liked the way she treated you, I always knew you deserved better, your an incredible person and you deserve to be heard because you matter, you mean so much to me and I hate seeing you upset. I'll be here for you through all of this" she says truthfully. I turn my head upwards to meet her gaze which is already on me.
When I look into her eyes it feels like everything else just falls away and it's only me and her.
Okay is this how you're supposed to feel when your best friend looks at you? Or do I want her to be more?
While her eyes are locked on mine I see them flicker to my lips then back to my eyes, it's so quick that I'm surprised I noticed. I feel my eyes doing the same and her hand slowly moves from my arm to my neck as her head mover towards mine.
We're inches apart when we hear the door open and close snapping us back to reality. We quickly pull away hearing Jordan exclaim her return with food.
I think me and Katie are thinking the same thing. 'What just happened? and What does this mean?'
—-
After we eat the quick meal jordan made I realize I can get through this pain I'm feeling as long as I have these two by my side. And I feel myself release a content sigh. What I should be thinking about is what this obvious thing between me and Katie could lead to. I guess Morgan was right about Katie liking me but what she didn't know is that I feel the same way.
Here is part 2 lmk if you like it. Not sure how I feel about it xx
