I wake up to my alarm and when I open my eyes I'm filled with dread. The match is today and I'm not looking forward to it witch is the total opposite to how I normally feel on match days. These comments must really be getting to me. I sigh and get out of bed. I feel like shit today due to the small amount of sleep I got last night due to my nerves.
—
When I arrive at the pitch I take a long sigh preparing myself for this day. I step out of the car just as Leah's shutting the door to her car.
"Morning y/n, you feeling good about today?" Leah asks with a warm smile while she grabs her bag from her boot and i do the same.
"Morning Leah, yeah I'm okay, a bit nervous how about you?" I ask giving her a tight lipped smile as I close my boot and we start walking towards the building.
"That's weird I've never heard you say that before, you're never nervous before a game " she chuckles lightly i just smile and shrug my shoulders not knowing what to say because it's true.
—
We're all lined up in the tunnel waiting to walk onto the pitch. We're playing man city today but my team seem confident that we will beat them so that calms my nerves a bit.
We start the match and we have more possession of the ball for the first half scoring 2 goals, me scoring the first.
In the second half man city are putting more pressure on us resulting in us giving some sloppy passes here and there leading to them scoring a goal.
I was running down the wing looking to pass to Caitlin when I was slide tackled causing me to fall and loose the ball. I hit the ground clutching my ankle straight away. I knew something was wrong because i haven't been in this much pain before. I look over to see the ref giving Georgia Stanway a yellow card, her obviously being the one to give me the dirty tackle. My focus is taken away from Georgia when I feel a hand on my back and hear Katie's voice.
"Can you move it?" She says concern lacing the question.
"No, Katie I think I need to be taken off." I say trying to catch my breath.
"Okay, that's okay. You'll be okay" she says waving her hand towards the sideline to get the Medical staff's attention.
I just laid there clutching my throbbing ankle wondering how this tackle would be blamed on how badly I preformed during this game.
I was helped off the pitch and given a few pats on the back by my teammates as I made my exit. I was hoping it wasn't broken. I knew this was football and it was likely you would be tackled but I couldn't help the anger I felt towards Georgia for making it impossible to prove myself to the people in my comments.
As I was left in the medical room with an ice pack on my ankle after being told it was just sprained I started to think about how it felt like my life was falling apart recently. Football was my passion and I felt like I was loosing the love I had for it due to the hate I was getting. I felt my
Eyes burning and my vision became blurry with the tears that I was trying so hard to hold in. My effort was in vain as the steady stream of tears left a trail down my cheeks. Today had been so tiring from start to finish. As I sat there starting ahead, the tears not slowing I heard the door creak open slowly but i didn't move. I didn't have the energy anymore. I didn't move until I was surrounded by Katie's arms and the smell of her sweet perfume. I completely broke down. All of the stress and pressure I had been putting on myself recently was freed in the form of tears. Katie just stood there with me in her arms rubbing my back and telling me everything was okay and that she was there.
I eventually calmed down to a point where I could answer the question she was dying to know the answer to. "Are you finally going to tell me what's wrong?" she asked as she pulled a stool in-front of the bed I was sat on. I just sighed I knew I couldn't avoid answering the question any longer.
"I've just been feeling so insecure recently.Insecure about how I preform in training and in matches. I've been getting so many comments and dms telling me how bad I am at football and how I shouldn't be on this team because I'm not good enough. I know I should ignore it but it's just hard when it's all I see when I open instagram" I say looking Katie's face as I let a few stray tears fall. I haven't admitted this to anyone yet. I began speaking again " I wasn't going to tell anyone, I was just going to push myself in training until I got better or got better at ignoring the comments. But after today I knew it was just going to get worse if I kept everything to myself" i sigh again after realizing I basically said that all in one breath. Katie just looked at me obviously trying to find the right words to respond with.
"I'm glad you told me, I know how hard it is for you to open up and I'm glad it was me you felt comfortable enough to do that with. Let me start by saying me and everyone else on the team thinks you're a brilliant player because you are. You always preform amazingly in training and in matches, your one of the best players on the team and in the country in my opinion" she says giving me a smile after the last part " I could tell something was up straight away because you stopped being full of energy and laughs at training which is unlike you but I wouldn't of thought it would be people in your comments making you feel like this. Obviously they have no clue what they are taking about because your an amazing player y/n and and even better person so don't let people online take away your spark okay " she says placing her hands on my knees and looking into my eyes making me smile.
She always knew the right thing to say to make me feel better.
"Thank you Katie, I really appreciate it, I should've spoken to you sooner, because you've helped put everything into perspective for me." I say giving her a genuine smile.
"No need to thank me I'm just telling the truth, and I'll always be here to do that for you" she says standing up and pulling me into another hug. When we pull away from the hug she helps me into the empty changing room so we can grab our things.
—
Katie helps me into the passenger side of her car and she insisted on driving me home, I didn't really put up much if a fight. Before we leave she tells me that they had won the match today, 3-1 which I was obviously very happy to hear.
I think In a weird way it's good I got injured today because it gives me some time to get myself back on track and have a little break so I can get back to being the person I was before I started letting irrelevant opinions get in the way of my love for football.
Let me know if you like it x
