I've been getting a lot of hate comments recently. At first I didn't let them get to me but now people have started to say I don't deserve to be on the team and that I'm not good enough. And I just think if that many people think that it must true.
Ive been trying to practice more after and before training to try and get better but the comments are still there and I'm so exhausted trying to prove myself to them.
I think my teammates have started to notice somethings up with me but I just brush off the concerned comments about me overworking myself.
—-
Today we have training and we have a game tomorrow so we have to push ourselves today to prepare.
Trainings at 10 but i get there at 7 so i can train a bit more before the rest of the girls show up. At around 8am katie arrives and when she sees me training she walks over.
"You're normally not here this early. Is everything okay?" She asks with a confused tone.
"Hey Katie, and yeah I'm fine I just thought I'll get a bit more training in before tomorrow " i say lining the ball up with the goal and shooting.
"Oh okay but you don't need to train more, you're amazing" she says while giving me a cheeky smile and going to get changed.
It's nice of her to say but I know it's not true. How could I be amazing if so many people tell me I'm not.
—
After training all the girls go back into the changing room to get ready to go home. I stay on the pitch and practice some shooting. As I'm going to collect the ball from the goal I hear someone call my name. And when I turn around I realize it's Katie. "Y/n what are you doing trainings over?" She says looking at me weirdly.
"Yeah I know, I'm just going to practice some more shooting, I wasn't my best in training today" I say not meeting her eyes.
" what are you talking about, you didn't miss 1 goal today you don't need to practice. You were also here before everyone else this morning. You're going to overwork yourself before the game tomorrow. Come on let's go" she says sternly, concern lacing her words. I just sigh and walk back to the changing rooms with her knowing this is an argument I won't win.
—
When we're both changed we're the last ones in the changing room and Katie makes her way over to me and sits on the bench next to me. "Whats going on with you recently, you don't seem like yourself. You never stay behind after training." She says looking at me with a worried expression. I sigh
"Nothings going on Katie. I'm just trying to prepare for this match tomorrow." I I say putting on my trainers not meeting her eyes.
"You just seem off recently. I'm here to talk if somethings going on." She says giving me a small smile and placing her hand on my shoulder.
"Just drop it McCabe I said I'm fine " i say harshly and stand up. I'm so sick of people asking if I'm okay. It's all just getting too much. I see flash of hurt cross her face at my reaction "okay if you say so. But I'm still here for you if you need me" she says defeated, before waking out the door towards the car park.
I follow her out after I grab my bag and head to my car. When I get into the drivers seat i let the tears I've been holding on all day fall. I'm dreading this game tomorrow because I know that all of my comments will be filled with people telling me how badly I played.
I take a deep breath and start the car. And make the short journey back to my house. I do feel guilty about how I spoke to Katie earlier, she was only trying to help and of course I had to try push her away like I do with everyone.
I'll try and do a part 2 to this soon x
