TW: SA
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Take care <3
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[earlier that day]
Charlie's POV:
As the bells jingle from the entrance door, Nick and I walk into the smoothie place. There, we happily drink our colourfull smoothies. Nevertheless, the whole time there, I feel on edge. The reason I am so tense is because I don't want Nick to ask me anything about Ben. I know he wouldn't push me to say anything, but it's still awkward. Luckily, he doesn't even mention it, thank God. We just chat about the game and the lads. I told him how some of them were really nice to me which seems to make him happy. His lips curve into a smile and his eyes become the shape of two new moons. Gosh, chill Charlie, chill. After we were done drinking, we say bye to our waiter and exit the place. Nick ruffles my hair, which is totally okay with me even though I pretend it's not, before we go our separate ways. As Nick turns the corner, I notice a familiar face in the distance. I pull out my phone, it's blowing up with Ben's messages. He wants to meet. He demands it. I think this is my breaking point. I don't want to see him anymore, I really don't. This has to come to an end. He's leaning on the wall outside of school, waiting for me. I follow the trail that leads to the school entrance. Then, as I get there, Ben rushes me to go inside and leads me to the music room.
We each stand on the opposite sides of the room, silently staring at eachother.
"Why did you want to meet me?", I break the silence.
"I just wanted to see you", he smirks as he scans me from head to toe.
"Well, that's convenient. I need to talk to you."
"Ugh, can it wait?"
He leans his head back.
"No, it can't unfortunately."
Ben seems astouned by my seriousness:
"What is it with you?"
"I don't want to see you anymore."
This confuses him at first. My whole body is tense. Saying this is making me incredibly uneasy, but I need to stand strong. He then pushes himself off the wall he was leaning against:
"Is this because of Nick, the rugby player?"
I press my lips together.
Ben's eyes darken:
"You know he only hangs out with you because he feels sorry for you, right?"
My heart drops to my stomach. Ben continues in a villainous tone:
"It's not his fault, you know. It's just something about you that lures people in. You are like a wounded animal that people find on the side of the road. So, because they feel sorry for you, they take you with them. But right when you feel like you are at home with someone, they drop you off at the animal shelter. In the end, that's all it ever was: pity."
Sadness weights my eyelids, my gaze slowly falls on the ground. He doesn't even care. What if he's right? What if there is really something wrong with me?
"Look Charlie, it's not like you have any other choice. I am also here because I felt sorry for you when you were bullied, but atleast I am generous enough to stay", Ben walks up to me and places his palm on my cheek, "We won't get caught, so stop playing around."
He tries to kiss me, but I avoid his lips and push his hand off my cheek.
"That's not it",
Suddenly I feel burning fire ignite in me and I have no intention to put it out.
"I am not the one who is worried to get caught. I went trough hell and back with being outed last year. It's you that worries and projects it onto me",
my voice comes out bloodcurdling,
"The truth is, you never, ever cared to ask about how I'm feeling about all of this, never even tryed to think about it. Not once. I am just a blank canvas for you to splash all your paint on. All of YOUR insecurities about being gay".
Ben gets into my face:
"How can you be so fucking selfish?! You are blaiming me for not wanting to come out instead of seeing what a fucking loveless looser you are".
My face is stone-cold, my voice indifferent:
"No. But I am blaming you for treating me like shit while being in the closet".
I turn away from him and walk to the door:
"We are done".
As I try to open the door, Ben stops me from doing so by pressing his hand on it right above my head. I can feel his presence crippling behind my back, still holding his hand on the door. It's like a human cage that I'm trapped in.
"Who said we were?", a dark tone comes out of him. I turn around to face him. All of the anger burning inside me from this past year comes to the surface: "I said so". He then starts cornering me, I begin to feel so small and pathetic. "Come on Charlie, we both know you want to stay. It's not like you have any other choice", he says as he starts getting dangerously closer to me. I try to avoid him, but that just puts me in the corner he won't let me out of. My heart is beating 100 beats per second. There is no escape from this. Helplessness overflows my body.
I try to walk away but that just makes him grab me by the shoulders and harshly pressing me to the wall. "You know that the only reason I am miserable is because of you. If it wasn't for you, my dad would've never hated who I was. I would be free to do as I please. But because of your pathetic little ass I felt sorry for, here we are", poison comes out of his mouth.
I am completly petrified. All of the blood in my veins is frozen, it's as if my bones have turned to stone.
"Just one last kiss, and we are done, as I say so", he starts kissing me left to right, I'm not kissing him back. I try to push him away, but he grabs my wrist into his hand and presses it next to my head on the wall. All of his disguisting touch is on me. I don't want this. I don't want him kissing my neck. I don't want him pressing my arm, my whole body. I most certanly don't want him rubbing my inner thigh. "Stop!" I scream at him.
"You are so cute when resisting", he says in between poisonous snake bites.
I squirm, try to push, try to leave, whatever I do, he does not let go. "LET ME GO!", I yell, but he doesn't. It's as if he gains more motivation from this to restrain me.
"You're hurting me, please Ben, stop!", tears break trough my voice. I cannot breathe. I cannot move. I have no free will. For him, I am just a puppet. I am nothing. Only thing I can get out of me inbetween cries is a whisper:
"...Stop..."
"...Please..."
"... Ben... please..."
"...Stop..."
"..."
"HE TOLD YOU TO FUCKING STOP!" Suddenly, all of Ben's weight is off my body. The first thing I see is Nick pulling Ben out of the music room by his shoulders. In flash of an eye, he pushes him on the hall. I follow them, but I don't see much since tears block my vision. "Go on then, fuck off", Nick spits out. I notice Ben looking at me, so I hide behind Nick. He then turns around, still panting, and leaves. I rub my eyes a couple of times so I could actually see Nick.
"Are you okay?"
YOU ARE READING
Char&Nicky
FanfictionThis story follows Nick, Charlie and their friends in the Heartstopper universe by Alice Osman as they try to figure out who they are. Nick obviously questions his sexuality as him and Charlie get closer, but also who he is when noone is looking. Wh...
