Char&Nicky

I don't want to, but I love you

Nick's POV:

I wake up super early, still uneasy from yesterday. Mostly because Charlie didn't text me anything since yesterday. I have to make sure he's okay. I check my phone to see if there are any new messages, nothing. I'm sure he's okay. He must be okay, right? What if he got ran over with a car on the way back? He was so disoriented, he didn't say where he was going. God, I should've followed him! What if Ben caught up to him and they had another scene? And I left him alone. He is okay, he is okay. I should just make myself useful and call him. Just to see if he's okay. I search his name in my contacts and look at the profile picture for a while. My thumb twiddling above the call sign. I don't want to bother him... fuck it, I must know if he's okay. I press call, a long ring echoes back, then another, and another. And then, it goes to voicemail. I am so stupid for calling, we are not even that close, I'm overexaggerating. He's okay, he's okay! I go about my day checking my phone every few minutes, expecting a call back. Gosh, I'm so corny. He's okay. Should I go to his house and check if he got home safe? No, he is okay.
Today was not so eventful, I spent it mostly studying and on my phone (which I end up spending the rest of my night on). When all the hope of Charlie calling me back dissappeares, I get a text. It's Charlie's. I immediately raise my eyebrows and sit up on my bed. We chat for a bit. I apologised for calling him and said that I'm glad he's alive. He used less words today than usual, but he was still so kind and considerate. We had a "fight" after he tried to apologise for not answering the phone. I told him there is no need for that and he again tried to apologise! Unbelievable.

Nick
Hey, I don't know what's your situation with Ben, but stay away from him!!!!

Charlie
I will!! I thought he was your friend, though.

Nick
He definetly isn't anymore!

Charlie
Xx

Nick
How did you two even meet? How did it come to this point? Except for the fact that Ben's a big ass jerk. I hate him. Sorry, not sorry!

Charlie
Do you maybe have time for that call?

I look at the text for a few seconds before answering.

Nick
Yeah, of course!

Charlie's name and icon pop up on my screen. I answer immediately:

"Hi!"

"Hi..."

His voice comes out croaky, he must've been crying. Still, you can hear it's his soft self. We chat about nothing for a while, it was quite awkward at first. But then, Nellie started licking me and my phone and that made us laugh so the awkwardness melted away. I notice my phone is about to die so I put it to charge and sit on the floor next to the plug. As the night passes, our conversations become deeper. I finally ask him about his story with Ben. I can feel his mood dropping a few notches, but I aslo feel like he needs to talk it out. He tells me about how Ben started talking to him, then he kissed him and that's how they became "boyfriends". Or so he thought. Ben never wanted to make it official which made Charlie visibly sad (concluding from what I hear in his voice) but didn't say anything because Ben wasn't really the one to be kind with his words (to put it lightly). The more he told me about Ben, the more I hated him. The more hurt I felt Charlie go trough, the more I wished to kill him. Charlie really didn't deserve all of this, any of this. He is literally the kindest person to walk the earth.

"Hey, and, if you ever need to talk to somebody, just know that you can talk to me. Anytime."

"...Thank you!"

"And... and I am here even if you have nothing to say."

"... That means a lot. Thank you."

We stay quiet for a few minutes. I wonder what he's doing while I look at the ceiling, drinking up the comfort this silence brings.

"Hey Nick..."

"Yeah?"

"How do you let go of someone?"

"..."

I lean my head back on my wall next to the plug. I'm sitting on the floor now thinking of all people I had to let go of and realize there aren't much I had to say goodbye to. Some pets in the past, but my eyes still get teary everytime I remember them. I try to remember all of the past hurts I've gone trough, I can count those on more than two hands. Then, a thought of my dad emerges. See, he's French and lives in Paris so we aren't exactly talking much. He never really tried to be my dad, I wonder if he knows anything besides my favourite colour. Since we never even had a relationship, I can't say I had to let him go, but it's a similar feeling to what I imagine loosing someone might feel. The only difference is that I had to let go of the hope that, one day, he might appear on the door, pick me up and spend one full day with me.

"Well, all I can think of, is you don't."

"..."

"What I mean is, you can't just forget someone who meant something to you. So, you keep the memories you have with them and keep them close to your heart. In the meantime you will do things: go to school, finish highschool, start college, finish college, get a job and life will move on. But you will still have memories of the person who hurt you. That is important because, with time, you will notice how much bigger you've become than the hurt in your chest. Soon, you will learn to breathe again."

"..."

"I promise you that."

Silence lingers between us. All I can hear breaking it is quiet sobbing on the other side of the call. Worry fills my chest, should I say something?

"Char, are you okay?"

"Yeah... yeah... Thank you... for saying that..."

A relief.

"I hope you will be able to get over Ben. In the meantime, please, please, please, avoid him. It's for the best."

"...Okay... but... what if he insists on talking?"

"If he does... I'll make sure he doesn't force you into anything you don't want."

"..."

"..."

"I guess I never got to tell you this yesterday but... thank you... for saving me..."

"Come on, you are making me look like some sort of superhero!"

"It's true! You are!!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Duh uh!"

We laugh a bit and then I turn my serous tone on:

"Hey, just... just promise me to take care of yourself, okay?"

"...Okay!"

I can feel him smiling trough the phone and I'm so glad. We don't end it there, we talk for another half and hour before he gets tired and decides to go to bed. After the call ends, I throw myself on the bed and rest my head on my hands intertwined behind it. I'm looking at the ceiling and smiling. Some old man is yelling outside: "You don't know what's coming for you!".
I hope he had a good day. I hope Charlie gets better. I hope he sleeps well, I should too. Soon, I will soon.