Char&Nicky

3 am and I'm still awake

TW: Mention of ED, please read with caution!

And as always,
take care <3

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[Charlie's diary, a couple months later]

Dear diary,

My body and mind don't feel like they are mine.
School's been going okay, I guess, but everything else is in shambles. The only thing keeping me from the darkest pitts of feelings right now, are my friends. I should be sleeping, I have an oral exam tomorrow. Still, it's long into the night and I am here, writing in this journal. My heart isn't full yet, only less empty. I don't feel quite happy yet. It's as if the night has swallowed my sorrow and took my hope with it. That's what night is for. I speak from expirience when I say that night holds the truth. For me, that's how it's always been. Even in the worst times, when I was the most bullied and felt so alone, I could always count that, at the end of the day, night would wait for me with her arms wide open. I sound so cheesy, gosh. I know it's so dramatic to talk like this, but right now it's the only thing that makes sense. I still struggle with eating sometimes. I just... don't feel like eating. It's not about punishing myself, it's about feeling like I don't deserve it. Another big struggle for me is getting out of bed sometimes. It doesn't happen everyday, it's easier to get up on a school day for example. My friends are also part of the reason I get up and drink in the light of day. I was at the smoothie place with Tao and Elle the other day.
They practically dragged my vampire ass outside and made me skip along the pavement, each carrying me on one side by my arms. Even though I was a bit grumpy while doing so (along with feeling like a complete idiot) it felt so nice to do something normal. Especially after not being able to for a long time. Let me introduce that day as it happened.

[Few weeks before]

"Tao, stop putting on filters! You look silly!" Elle's muffled voice calls out trough the phone.

"What? I'm just trying to cheer Charlie up!", Tao's voice breaks trough the screen.

"How's that supposed to help him cheer up?"

"It does! Tell her Charlie, you feel better, right?"

Unsureness fills my body: "Not really Tao. Thanks for trying, though."

"Ugh, you two obviously have no sense of humor!", Tao protests, then turns off his dog ears.

"Sure", Elle responds, "Well, unlike little Tao over here, I actually know what could cheer you up, Charlie."

"Do tell!", I smile at her.

"You are coming to the smoothie place with us!", she raises her eyebrows in excitement.

"Oh, thanks but... I'm not really feelin-"

"You have no choice!", Tao interrupts, "get ready, we'll be there in 10 minutes."

I blink at them. Wondering what I'm getting myself into, I start planning my escape.

"And don't you dare try to be late on purpose", Tao threathens with his index finger almost poking trough the phone, "there will be people waiting for us."

Well that's out of the picture.

"Do I know them?"

"No, but you will!"

"Okay, okay I'll go get ready."

"Bye Charlie!"

Muffled sounds come from my phone in synchronysed voices.
God, I think to myself as I hit the red button. I really don't have the energy for this. I love them, but no. Ugh, I better get ready though. Sure, Tao is ALWAYS late, but Elle is really serious about being on time. She will drag Tao out of his house by his ear if she has to. I wouldn't be surprised if she was doing it right now. Before I am done putting my clothes on, bell rings from downstairs. It's followed by muffled voices and greetings. Soon enough, before I am able to put on my pants, Elle peers into my room. I jump up, redness fills her cheeks. Tao quickly closes the door shut: "Come on Charlie, we have to go!".
"In a minute!", I yell agitated. Nervousness plays with my ability to get ready fast and steady. I was so nervous that I couldn't put my leg trough my trousers like four times.
My lifeless look peers trough the door as I open them. Elle and Tao didn't have to be right infront of me to notice my unenthusiasm: my shoulders are slouched, arms lazily hang above my knees and my eyes spell the "I don't want to do this but I love you so I will" mood. Elle comes to my right and Tao to my left. They pick me up by the arms, which is kind of problematic since now I stand taller on my right side. I groan as they carry me downstairs giggling, giggles follow us as we stroll down the street. Just like the sun makes flowers bloom, their giggles slowly make them skip down the street. I cringe in disbelief, but soon enough I decide to not be an asshole for the whole day and start skipping with them. If they don't care they're acting childlike, neither do I. It's fun, I hate to admit it.
Sun follows us down the street and meets us at the smoothie place. At the entrance, a very happy person standing next to a smaller calm person starts waving in our direction.

"ELLE, you came!", happy person yells.

Oooh, they are the people Tao was talking about.

"Yes, sorry if you had to wait for us", Elle plays polite as if she didn't just carry me out of my house.

"Yeah", Tao huffs pointing at me, "Someone was getting ready for too long!"

I shoot him a glance, he makes a grimace in return.

"Let's go in, I booked us a table", smaller calm person says, "I'm Tara by the way".

I take her hand into a handshake. Elle remebers to introduce us: "Tara, Darcy, these are Charlie and Tao".

"Nice to meet you boys!", Darcy smirks as she wraps her arm around Tara's shoulder.

Our group slowly makes our way in, bells jingle as we enter the place.

"Here we are!" Tara leads the way trough tables and chairs filled with people. Hearing the sound of chattering, chatting and clinking dishes somehow didn't make me anxious as usual. Doing something "normal" again calms me down. It brings peace into my broken heart. She chose a nice seat, right next to the huge window so we can see the field spreading behind it. Sun kisses it, lighting the interior with orange hue. Nobody noticed, but I'm wearing Nick's hoodie, the one he gave me that night. Not one day has passed that it hasn't been my mind. The whole day was such a relief after everything that happened.

"Oh my God", Tara whispers to Darcy and points to the table behind me,"Is that Nick Nelson over there?"

I turn around to make sure if it's really Nick sitting there. It's him. Scrolling trough his phone, he's smiling as he drinks his smoothie.

"You know Nick?", I ask Tara, accidentally too abrasive.

"Oh, not this again", Tao rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, we went to middle school together."

"Oh, yeah" Darcy utters, "weren't you and him, like, a thing back then?"

"Shut up, it was ages ago", Tara nudges her as Darcy mocks her with kissing the air.

I don't know how I feel about that.

"Hey, Nick Nelson", Darcy shouts, waving her hand in the air, "Yeah, you! Come hang with us!"

Nick raises his gaze from the phone, pointing to his chest confused if it was him that Darcy was talking to. I decide to turn around so he can fully see me, which seems to make him a bit less confused and more smiley.

He takes his drink and swiwels around guests to make his way to our table. He stands next to it, greeting us. Tao rolls his eyes when he greets me with a hug.

"Oh, Tara... hello! I haven't seen you in ages!", he greets her specially, which makes my stomach drop.

"Yes, it's nice to see you after so long", she replies.

I really don't like this.

"You should sit with us", Tara adds.

I really, really don't like this.