The Fall - Book 1

13. Sergeant Barnes

MAY 31, 2018 — WAKANDA — BUCKY

I lie on my pallet, trying to sleep, but I can't stop thinking about Réa.

When she was sharing her story with all of us, I couldn't help staring at her. Not because she's gorgeous—though she is—but because I feel drawn to her...and protective of her. That's why, when Steve implied that she's dangerous, I snapped at him.

My reaction to his implication surprised me: I was angry at him—my best friend—because of what he said to a stranger. And when I'd looked at Réa after snapping at Steve, she'd looked as surprised as I felt.

Unsurprisingly, when she answered Sam's question about ruling Heaven—something I'm having an easier time wrapping my head around than I thought I would...I guess fighting a horde of aliens alongside the god of thunder, a talking raccoon, and a sentient tree makes the whole 'Seraph' thing easier to process—saying she just wanted the freedom to live her life, that resonated with me. When she'd cried, then pulled herself together immediately, as if she'd done that a million times before, something in my chest had tightened...because I realized she's had to do that before. It had taken a lot of self-control to stay seated when I'd just wanted to hold her in my arms and let her cry; to be a safe space for her.

I don't know why I feel like this about her; I don't know why she brings this protective streak out in me. I'm surprised that I still have a protective streak, after all of the shit HYDRA did to my mind. Even though Shuri undid the Winter Soldier programming, I still haven't really had any moments where I've felt like the old me...until Réa showed up.

What happened at dinner pops into my mind: how Réa did a little happy dance at the table, and how adorable it was...especially when she blushed and got all bashful when she realised everyone was looking at her. And how, after everyone else had looked away, I'd kept watching her, hoping she'd do it again. She hadn't, but we'd locked eyes and I'd given her a little smile before I felt another pull between us, but this time it was stronger...almost magnetic. My eyes had widened and I'd gasped because it seemed like maybe she felt it, too.

'Maybe it is just physical attraction—there's certainly plenty of that, at least on my end—but I don't think so. That doesn't explain why I'm protective of her, or why I want to be able to comfort her.'

The next thing that pops into my mind is what happened after supper; what Tony had said when he pulled me aside.

"Barnes...could I have a moment, please?" Tony asks.

I nod, anxiety churning in my gut.

"I know we left things on bad terms," Tony begins. "Look, I'm not good at apologies. But I just wanted to say that I've done a lot of thinking about things ever since Siberia," he pauses. "When I learned that the Winter Solider killed my parents, I was furious. Beyond furious. Well, you were there. Anyway, one day, Réa asked me why the Avengers disbanded, and I told her about all of it—Lagos, the Accords, you, the airport, and Siberia. Her response was to read everything she could about all of those things, including you—about both Sergeant Barnes and the Winter Soldier. And when she finished, she came to speak with me. She told me that you were a victim of circumstances beyond your control, and that you had suffered enough. She also said that you didn't do anything; that the actions of the Winter Soldier were in no way your fault. She insisted that you're a good man. Then she talked about my parents, adamant that their deaths were not your fault. Basically, she reiterated what Steve had told me; that it wasn't you who killed them."

Tony pauses. "She stood in my living room and said, 'Anthony Edward Stark, he is a good man, and while I empathise with your pain, if you'd get over yourself for five seconds, you'd see that'. And I realised that if she thought that, there must be some truth to it. So, I began trying to see things from your perspective; to have even a fraction of the empathy she does." He pauses again. "I'll never be able to forgive the Winter Solider for murdering my parents...but I can forgive Bucky Barnes, because he did nothing wrong. You did nothing wrong." He draws in a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "Now, I'm not saying we're going to be best friends, but I think we can at least get along."