The Fall - Book 1

168. ...the couch is right there.

NOVEMBER 29, 2019 — AVENGERS COMPOUND  — RÉA

A delectable aroma wakes me.

I hear Bucky in the kitchen; rolling over, I look at my phone, seeing it's half-past-nine. I quickly pull on a pair of emerald-green, flannel pyjamas, then run a brush through my hair before gathering it into a top knot.

I pad into the kitchen and see Bucky at the stove, stirring something in a saucepan.

"That smells amazing," I say. "What is it?"

"Red sauce," he replies. "And pasta," he gestures to a large pot. "I know it's late, but I'm starving, since we slept through lunch and dinner." He pauses, turning toward me with a cheeky grin. "Well...slept and slept."

Turning his attention back to the sauce, he gives it another stir then places the spoon on a spoon rest and covers the pan before pulling me into a hug. I sigh contentedly as I rest my head on his shoulder and breathe in his warm, soothing Bucky smell.

"You always smell so good," I murmur. "Like cedar, vanilla, and cinnamon. It's comforting."

I feel him press a kiss to the top of my head.

"I know what you mean," he replies, his voice quiet. He pauses for a moment. "Spun sugar and raspberries."

He clears his throat.

"That's partly why I stood there, just staring at you, when I came to your room after the welcome party. When I inhaled to tell you it was me, I smelled spun sugar and raspberries, and my brain...went fuzzy. Because I realized it was you, and all I could think was that you smelled good."

I smile as I remember that night.

"I thought you might want to kiss me that night. And I...part of me wanted to lean in and kiss you, but I was...I was too shy."

"I did want to," Bucky replies. "There were a lot of times I wanted to kiss you; to hold your hand, or tuck your hair behind your ear, or hold you in my arms...starting in Wakanda." He pauses. "I just...I told myself you could never be mine; that I didn't deserve you. And the more time I spent with you, the more I wished you could be. And when we started spending our evenings together, I...I wanted to tell you that I wanted more than friendship. I just didn't because I was scared."

He inhales deeply, and when he speaks again, his voice is thick. "I passed up so many opportunities with you because I was afraid. I let fear control my life, and I...."

"My biggest regrets used to be the things I did as the Winter Soldier. And while I still do—and will always—deeply regret those, my greatest regrets are all the times I kept myself from telling you how I feel; the times I let opportunities pass by because I was scared. If I could go back and have those moments again, I wouldn't waste a single second."

"I understand," I murmur after several quiet moments. "I feel the same." I pause. "I also know that I will not let that happen again. I'm not saying I won't get scared...I will. Because what I feel for you is beautiful, and amazing, and wonderful, and terrifying, all at once. But I've learned that being brave doesn't mean not being afraid; it means doing things in spite of the fear. So, again, I'm not saying I won't get scared...I am saying that I'll be brave."

I lift my head and look into Bucky's eyes.

"Because you are worth it...because this," I gesture between us, "is worth it."

He gently cups the nape of my neck and pulls me into a kiss; my arms twine around his neck and my lips part. He's just deepened the kiss when the sudden ringing of his phone pierces the air.