The Fall - Book 1

45. And you're not reading into things.

JULY 21, 2018 — AVENGERS COMPOUND — RÉA

I blink to my room, holding back the tears as I strip off my swimsuit, tossing it and my towel into the washing machine before heading into the bathroom. I'm ready for a hot shower, hoping it will soothe me. Stepping into the shower enclosure—which spans one whole wall of my bathroom—I turn on the water. My shower was custom designed and built for me as a welcome gift from Tony and Pepper when I first arrived. The walls and floor are river rock, and the main shower is a waterfall, complete with a tub that looks like a pool; there's also a separate shower, consisting of a rain head and detachable sprayer, at the opposite end of the enclosure. As weird as it might sound, this is one of my favourite indoor spots in the whole compound.

As the water heats, I do something I've never done before: I stand naked in front of the mirror and look at myself—really look. While I'm not conceited by any means, I know that I'm what others consider pretty. As I study myself in the mirror, I wonder why the idea of being with me in an intimate way put that tone into Bucky's voice.

His reaction to even the suggestion of us being together like that also means that Nat and Wanda were wrong about what—who—I saw in Bucky's mind...because with how he reacted downstairs, it's clear that it wasn't me.

'I'm sure he's seen more attractive women, but it's not like I'm the Swamp Thing,' I think.

While I know that physical appearance is only part of what makes someone beautiful—that heart and mind are more important—I also know that attraction usually starts based on looks.

'Maybe it's because he just doesn't find me attractive. Just because other people think I'm pretty doesn't mean I'm his type. Or maybe it's because I'm inexperienced,' I think. 'That makes sense, especially since he was a ladies' man in the forties. He's obviously going to want someone who knows what they're doing...' my thought trails off as I feel the tears returning.

Stepping into the shower enclosure, I stand under the water and finally let them fall. Eventually, my tears subside, and I finish my shower. Stepping out, I wrap my hair in a towel before I dry off and wrap myself in a bath sheet. Padding from the bathroom into the closet, I peruse the racks of clothing, before settling on one of my favourite pairs of jeans, an ivory lace racerback bralette, and a slouchy, sky blue, short-sleeved boatneck top that hangs off of one shoulder. I also slip on a pair of ivory alpargatas with gold foil suns on them. I remove the towel from my hair, then comb it, fasten it into a fishtail plait, and sweep the tail over my exposed shoulder. I grab my phone and head out of my suite to the kitchen.

When I arrive, I see that everyone except for Anderson and Amanda are there; most are seated around the table, but Wanda is at the stove and Steve is carrying filled platters to the table.

"Hey, Réa," he says. "You're just in time; Wanda's just finishing up the pancakes now."

I give him a tight half-smile and nod before moving toward the table, taking the empty seat between Nat and Scott. Thor and Loki start talking to me; I do my best to participate in the conversation, but I'm just not in the mood to be social. After a couple of minutes, my phone buzzes; looking at it, I see a text from Nat.