Empires SMP incorrect quotes

3

Sausage's trauma

Count fWhip of Gobland: Okay, everyone, let's have a contest!
Great Witch Shelby: What kind?
Count fWhip of Gobland: A contest about who is the most traumatized emperor! Just say the worst things that ever happened to you.
Princess Katherine: Uh, okay. I was thought to be cursed from the moment I was born and everyone hated me.
Count fWhip of Gobland: Not bad. Shelby?
Great Witch Shelby: I was tricked by Evil Sausage to corrupt myself and I sacrificed Oli and then hurt Katherine.
Count fWhip of Gobland: Oli?
Oli: The cage!
Scott of Chromia: Don't ask me, I'm not going to win.
Sausage of Sanctuary: Ooh! Is this a game? Can I join?
Count fWhip of Gobland: Sorry, Sausage, but this game is for traumatized emperors only; you're kinda too happy-go-lucky for this game.
Princess Gem: Oh, come on, fWhip, it couldn't hurt to let Sausage play.
Sausage of Sanctuary: Yay! So, to kick things off, a thousand years ago I made a deal with a demon. Then I got corrupted and killed everyone.
Everyone: ...
Sausage of Sanctuary: Then after that Gem had to kill me to uncorrupt me, but she accidentally split me into my good and evil selves. Evil me came back to destroy my empire and kill all my friends so I had to banish him in another universe. And then fWhip blew up his empire and everyone else's empire was also destroyed. Then my best friend and neighbor started withering away and she died in front of me before I could save her. I spent the next thousand years trying to bring her back.
Everyone: Uh...
Sausage of Sanctuary: Then when I reincarnated my dad became an evil king and killed my mom and everyone else in my old kingdom. I escaped alone and had to find Eddie and Bubbles all by myself and then I founded Sanctuary to help other people in the same situation as me. After that my evil self came back to take my place and torture and kill all my new friends but I tried to stop him. He managed to kidnap Hermes, but I rescued him and re-merged with Evil Sausage. Then I had to traumatize myself by killing Shelby to uncorrupt her, and I'm really sorry for that, but all that's fine now. Oh yeah, and the evil king of my nightmares that I've been running from my entire life came to Sanctuary and tried to make me join his side. He told me he could use necromancy to get mom back, but I forced myself to say 'no' and Bubbles let me bring other versions of me from across time and space to kill him.
Everyone: Sausage, what?!
Sausage of Sanctuary: So, did I win?

Why Jimmy doesn't like Joel

Sheriff Jimmy: Scar, there's this guy I really don't like. And do you know why I don't like him? It's because his name is 'Joel'. Don't you think that's a weird name?!
Scar: No.
Sheriff Jimmy: That's because your name is 'Scar'.

Damsel in distress

King Joel: *runs into the room* I heard there was a damsel in distress here!
Codfather Jimmy: What? No, the damsel is the distress. And now she's your problem.*leaves*
Ocean Queen Lizzie: I am chaos incarnate.

How False came into and will leave this dimension

False: I came into this world covered in someone else's blood and screaming. I'm not afraid to leave the same way.

Why you don't kidnap Hermes

Evil Sausage: I have your son.
God Joel: Which one?
Evil Sausage: Uh, blonde, short, purple outfit.
God Joel: Oh, you have Hermes. Actually, you don't have him; he has you.
Hermes: *zapping Evil Sausage with lightning*

How to defeat Xornoth

Scott of Rivendell: Okay, time for plan F.
Lady Katherine: Don't you mean plan B?
Scott of Rivendell: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.
Wizard Gem: What about plan D?
Scott of Rivendell: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.
Pearl: What about plan E, then?
Scott of Rivendell: I'm hoping not to use it; I die in plan E.

Why Joel and Lizzie don't wake up together

Joel: I want to wake up with you every day of my life.
Lizzie: I wake up at four AM.
Joel: I want to see you at least once a day every day of my life.

Can Sausage keep a secret?

Great Witch Shelby: Sausage, can you keep a secret?
Sausage of Sanctuary: Do you know anything about my life prior to me becoming an emperor?
Great Witch Shelby: No I do not, good point!

'take out' definition

Codboy Jimmy: What does 'take out' mean?
Count fWhip of the Grimlands: Food.
Ocean Queen Lizzie: Dating.
Lord Sausage: Murder.
Scott of Rivendell: It can be all three if you're brave enough.

Lizzie's language

Ocean Queen Lizzie: *shrieking something in an aquatic language*
King Joel: Yeah, I know.
Codboy Jimmy: You know an aquatic language?
King Joel: No, but I know the phrase 'it's all your fault' in every language she speaks.