Empires SMP incorrect quotes

14

Sausage after he comes back from the afterlife

Wizard Gem: Didn't you die?!
Lord Sausage: That was weeks ago, dude. Things change.

Lizzie and Joel get married

King Joel: We're getting married, everyone!
Ocean Queen Lizzie: And we're about to make it everybody else's problem.

Lizzie and Joel's wedding

Codboy Jimmy: Sorry, I've got to go, guys. I've got a wedding to attend.
Count fWhip of the Grimlands: Huh, weird. I also have a wedding to attend.
Scott of Rivendell: I think we all have weddings to attend.
Emperor Joey: *panicking* I think I have a wedding to officiate!

Ink sacs

Mayor Lizzie: But instead of going into the water and fishing for the ink sacs myself, I am going to obtain the services of someone who can do it for me.
Pirate Joe: *falls into the water* Help me! I'm drowning! I can't swim!
Mayor Lizzie: Maybe this wasn't the best place to seek help from. 

Joe's drowning

Pirate Joe: Help! I'm drowning! Call the coast guard!
Mayor Lizzie: Stand up. The water's only knee deep. 

Joey's grudges

Emperor Joey: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, it's 'intelligent' and 'really cool'. But when I do it, I'm 'petty' and 'need to let it go'.

Hat puns

Count fWhip of the Grimlands: So do you have to use extra rockets with that hat because you're blocking so much of the wind?
Count fWhip of the Grimlands: Nice landing, nice landing. I thought you had a parachute on your head.
Lord Sausage: What is that beautiful, largely brimmed hat?! Oh, wow. *to fWhip* Have you seen this? This is amazing! 
Count fWhip of the Grimlands: Yeah, she had a whole line of parachute that she forgot to deploy when we landed here.
Lord Sausage: Oh wow, is it like a frisbee? If you throw it-
Count fWhip of the Grimlands: How many bunnies do you think can fit in the wizard's hat?
Lord Sausage: How many channels do you get with that hat? 
Count fWhip of the Grimlands: Is this a submarine now, because we've got a top on it too?
Lord Sausage: Gem, I really wanted to know, if you can hang glide, without your elytra, with that hat. When you jump down, do you float? Like you have a slow falling potion? 
Lord Sausage: Ah! A floating hat! It's my worst nightmare!
Count fWhip of the Grimlands: Because Gem killed me after the event, after I made a joke about her giant hat, which, let's be honest. No hat pun is beneath me! 

Grian's purple eyes

Sheriff Jimmy: Grian, why do you have purple eyes?
Grian: *panicking because he doesn't want Jimmy to know that he has purple eyes because he's a Watcher* Uh, it's because I have Alexandria's Genesis.
Scar: Jimmy, do you know why Grian have purple eyes? 
Sheriff Jimmy: *panicking because he doesn't remember* Uh, it's because Grian built the library of Alexandria.
Grian: Scar, do you know why I have purple eyes?
Scar: *confidently* Yeah, it's because you burnt down the library of Alexandria! 

Peace is boring

Lord Sausage: Peace is so boring, by the way.
Wizard Gem: It lasted for three seconds, how are you going to say it's boring-?! 
Lord Sausage: BORED! 

Hermes' adventures with Aunt Lizzie

Mayor Lizzie: Welcome to Critter City! 
Hermes: *hands Lizzie a note*
Mayor Lizzie: *reading* Dear Auntie Lizzie, this is daddy Sausage here, thunder dad is currently feuding with many other men at this moment, and it's his weekend to watch Hermes, but it's not safe. Please take care of our boy. I've sent him some netherrite as a gift! My first netherrite! Give it to me! 
Later: 
Hermes: *jumping on a redstone contraption*
Mayor Lizzie: Oh my, Hermes, no! Come down from there at once! *after getting Hermes down* You little ball of chaos. I am so... proud of you! Look at this redstone contraption you made, all on your own! 
Later: 
Mayor Lizzie: *showing Hermes a field of wheat* Hermes, everything the light touches, is ready to be trampled! Come on, let's go! 
Hermes and Lizzie: *tramples crops*
Scott of Chromia: *comes out of his house to make angry Scottish 'get off my lawn' neighbor noises* 
Mayor Lizzie: Oh! Hermes! Hermes, run! Run, Hermes! 
Later:
Hermes and Lizzie: *come out of a nether portal to find themselves in a tree*
Mayor Lizzie: Ah! Don't panic, don't panic, Hermes! Everything's fine! This is fine, I've been stuck in a tree before; I know how to handle this. Help! 
Later: 
Mayor Lizzie: Okay, so help is not coming. Hermes, we'll have to deal with this on our own-
Hermes: *jumps down*
Mayor Lizzie: Oh my, Hermes!
Later:
Mayor Lizzie: *trying to get frogspawn* Hermes, be careful not to get lost in the haunted mangrove! The Great Witch Shelby did tell me that sometimes people go missing here and never reappear. So stay with me. 
Later: 
Mayor Lizzie: Ah! We did it! Hermes, we have frogspawn! *waits for an answer* Hermes? Oh no.