The Rockstar & The Balladeer : A SandAyan Story

Chapter 3: Can I Be Him?

I swear that every word you sing, you wrote them for me
Like it was a private show, I know you never saw me
When the lights come on and I'm on my own
Will you be there to sing it again?
Could I be the one you talk about in all your stories
Can I be him?

---CAN I BE HIM, Song by James Arthur

SAND

Singing on stage, I couldn't help the extra angst in my voice as I watched Ray laughing with the tall guy he dedicated the song to. They've been drinking and talking animatedly like they hadn't seen each other for a while. As our set was about to end, a shorter guy with glasses came and was excitedly jumping as he went straight to hug Ray who was laughing as he returned the gesture. The short guy was talking animatedly as he held Ray's face as if he hadn't seen him for a long time. The tall guy gestured for Ray to sit beside him as the shorter guy sat on Ray's previous place and he held his shoulders as he talked with the shorter guy who was still smiling brightly.

Just as our last song was ending I saw Ray stand up and excused himself and he walked out of the bar as his companion continued to talk and laugh. Badly needing my nicotine because I've been feeling antsy looking at Ray and his companions, I walked out of the bar getting the cigarette I had placed in my leather jacket before we started.

I was surprised to find Ray in the dark corner, almost hidden by the shadows that I almost yelped in surprise. A glowing amber on his lips and he wasn't looking at me but in the dark space of the alley.

He almost jumped in surprise when I asked if he had a lighter and sighed as he handed me a silver zippo without saying anything. I noticed the word Aye is etched on the lighter as I lit my cigarette. Is this some kind of expression?

"Thanks," I said as I handed it back to him, but he only shrugged and put it back in his jeans. The silence is now bordering on awkwardness, so I attempted to make small talk.

"Are those your friends?" I asked, referring to the guys he left inside.

Nodding he said a curt yes.

"You seem pretty close, have you known each other for long?" I tried again.

"Since high school," was all he said.

Getting frustrated I can't help but ask, "Ray, did I do something to offend you?"

Snapping his head towards me in surprise, he looked confused and almost uncomfortable. "No," he bluntly denies.

"Then why are you so cold to me? I'm just trying to be friendly. We're coworkers after all," I pointed out.

"I'm not, I just... Sand I don't hate you, okay? You just remind me of someone I'd rather not remember so I'm sorry if I came across as rude. I just don't think you and I should be too close. I'm sorry," Ray answers honestly.

Finally getting somewhat of an explanation, I moved closer to him and he automatically backed out by instinct and hit his back against the brick wall of the bar.

"What are you doing?" Ray exclaims, voice rising in surprise.

Looking him in the eyes, our faces a mere inches apart; taking advantage of my height as I towered over him, "what? do I look like an ex lover who jilted you?"

My own heartbeat accelerated with the proximity and my pupil dilated with arousal as I felt Ray's warm body heat, his unique scent wafted to my nostrils along his natural body scent from his sweat as nervousness gripped him and his skin was soft where my other hand came in contact with his arm. I think my plan is backfiring on me. Willing myself to focus on Ray, I caught the fleeting widening of his eyes in the accuracy of my statement and then it was gone. What I said was close to the truth. Apparently, I looked like an ex lover who broke his heart.