The Covington Boys (Slow Updates)

I Tried

Glancing around the kitchen, I started to fidget anxiously, shifting around in my seat at the same four-person round breakfast table that had always been in this massive kitchen. I clenched and un-clenched the cup of coffee in my hands trying to think of something to say, but I was at a loss for words especially when my first attempt didn't really go so well.

What do you say to one of the boys, now men that you loved after all this time? That you love still after five years of no contact, no information about how he was. What happened to him in those lost years? Has he moved on and fell in love with someone else? All of these questions were running wild in my mind.

I mean come on I was barely fifteen years old and he and Dante were only nineteen when we had last seen each other, been together. How do you start a deep, painfilled conversation with this huge gap of space and time between you?

"So." his husky voice finally broke the deafening silence that had been filling the room. Instantly I perked up at his voice thankful that he chose to start. "What finally brought you back?" the question was just above a whisper, but that simple question was asking so much more than the one answer.

"Uh, uhm... well I got a letter from Ms. Caroline... your mom... She said she wanted me to come home, that she didn't have... a lot of time... to explain why she sent me away..." I mumbled, letting my voice trail off slightly when I noticed that his eyes narrowed with spark of anger as he snapped and clenched his jaw tight, so tight I thought for sure he would crack a few teeth from the pressure. "uh...she also said... that she wanted to fix things... to fix her mistakes." Muttering out the rest, avoiding eye contact as I spoke, the expression on his face was frightening, if I hadn't known any better, I would have thought that this was Dante not Dimitri sitting across from me.

"So..., You rushed right back after one single pleading letter from her?" Dimitri snarled through his clenched teeth, keeping his intense stare on me.

My heart broke at how different Dimitri had become, how cold and distant he now was. What did I really expect from them, a warm welcome with their arms wide open? I knew it wasn't all my fault that I was taken away, but I was the one who gave up trying to get back to them. I was the one who stopped writing, when I never got a response from either of them.

So, despite the agony it caused me, I tried to let them go and every day for the last few years that was the first thing I did every morning, forced myself to let them go and live my life. It was at night when the dream would take over that facade would crumble around me, engulfing me in all the gut-wrenching emotion that I pushed aside all day long so that I could make it through without breaking down into a pathetic heap.

"I guess so." I whimpered, suddenly confused by why I had felt so desperate and urgent about getting back here after reading her letter.

Why was that all I could think about? Even though I had built this whole life for myself far away from here, finally got my GED, started community college and allowed myself to care for someone as much as I could, none of it mattered after I read that letter. After I read her words begging me to come home.

"Well..., Dante took her to a doctor's appointment... Since she's the reason you came all this way... The one you managed to make it back to." He snipped, his voice was strained and emotionless like he was trying to keep himself from getting to attached, like he was trying to sever any ties to me.

"Dimitri... that's not fair." I whispered in defeat, hating that he felt like I didn't want to see him or Dante. That I didn't care enough about them to fight my way here.

"What's not fair? Did you even try before you got her letter?" he scoffed in a condescending tone. I gasped out a sharp breath at his harsh words as a piercing pain stabbed at my heart and for just a moment, I saw his eyes soften with concern, before he pulled his mask back into place.