Finite

Chapter 14

Tw: mentions of self-harm, death, and panic attacks
Alex is 15 and Eliana is 27 in flashback

Flashback

"God dammit!" Alex says to herself, as she sat on the bathroom floor of her mother's empty house. Her hands gripped her forearms, nails digging harshly into her skin as she rocked herself back and forth.

She hated this so much. Ever since her dad died, Alex felt trapped. She couldn't leave the house without feeling like everyone was judging her. 'Oh look, it's the rich freak. No wonder her dad died, I mean look at her.' She heard their voices in her head, never realizing it was just her imagination.

Alex felt so alone, her mother never around, her only support system six feet under. After her parents divorced she rarely got to see her father, it took quite a toll on her. Especially since it was all her mothers doing, Elizabeth, her mom, never wanted him around Alex. Not because he was a bad person, but because no one could take what was hers. Even if she was never home and neglected her daughter, she had the will and the funds to prevent anything she didn't see fit.

To add insult to injury, her dad died, and now Alex was broken. The crack in the facade of perfection has split open. Now oozing out the foul feeling of resentment and hate towards herself and her mother.

As Alex sat rocking on the floor, bruising herself from the force of her fingers clenching her arms; she looked at her arms noticing her very visible scars she inflicted. It was the only way she knew how to deal with the pain. Besides who would care about what happened to her anyway, she thought. She figured she deserved it, no one loved her.

"Why?" Desperation in her voice as she spoke to no one, staring at her scars. Tears fell slowly from her eyes as her panic started to settle.

Getting up slowly she exited the bathroom, walking to the kitchen. As she entered the room she immediately noticed the clock on the wall reading 9:00am. Shit, I'm late for school, she thought. Having missed so many days already, she decided it was best if she attended so they didn't kick her out.

Alex rushed through the house getting dressed in whatever she could find, not caring about her appearance. As she began her walk to school, she realized why she hadn't attended for so long; it takes energy she doesn't have and she hates the looks she gets.

The entire walk there Alex debated turning back, but before she could come to a decision she had arrived. She walked in and toward the office since she was late. Making her further regret her decision.

As she entered, there sat Mrs. Davis. Mrs. Davis looked up upon Alex's arrival. She smiled gently.

"Well hello, dear! It's great to see you here, what do you need?" She greeted Alex sweetly.

"Um uh, I need to sign in since I'm late, sorry." Alex looked down shyly. Mrs. Davis waved her off.

"Oh, no worries, dear. You're good to go, although I do believe Ms. Perez is looking to speak with you. Hold on, I'll see if she's busy." She stood and walked to the door of the principal's office. Mrs. Davis peaked her head in and spoke to her.

Alex sighed, Ms. Perez was never too hard on anyone in the few months she'd been there. But Alex wasn't so sure that would be the same for someone who hasn't been there in weeks. As much as Alex didn't want to get on her bad side, she felt it was inevitable now, her crush was going to hate her.

Crush is probably too light of a word to describe her enamorment she had over Ms. Perez. Every day after school before he died she would sneak to her dads auto garage that he owned, and would talk on and on about how cool Ms. Perez seemed, while her dad just laughed.

After a moment, Mrs. Davis turned to Alex and gestured for her to go into the principal's office. Alex stood, and walked into the office.

Ms. Perez sat at her desk, her dark hair sitting gently on her shoulders.

"H-hello" Alex says, waving awkwardly in greeting. Ms. Perez smiles at her.

"Hi, Alex. It's great to see you again." Ms. Perez says, before gesturing to the chair in front of her desk.

"Please, sit." I do as she asked.

"So Alex, I had a conversation with your mom over the phone the other day. She told me about your father, I'm very sorry for your loss. I completely understand not wanting to attend school during this time. But as your principal, I also have to tell you that your grades are not good, Alex. If this continues, with it being this close to the end of the year, you will have to repeat this year." She looked at Alex with genuine concern. Alex just nods in understanding, already accepting her fate.

Alex felt even more hopeless given the fact that she didn't even care when she heard that. What was the point? She thought.

Alex subconsciously pulled her sleeve up, scratching mindlessly at her arm. Not thinking much of it since it was her nervous tick. That was until she noticed where Ms Perez was looking.

Alex's eyes darted down to her arm, seeing her scars and realizing her mistake. Sure, she could try and play it off, but what would she say that could convince someone otherwise than the obvious.

Ms Perez looked up into her eyes with an overwhelming concern as she stood slowly from her desk.

"Alex..... a-are those?" She spoke as she made her way in front of Alex. Once she was there she crouched down, taking Alex's arm gently in her hands. Looking at the scars, she ran her fingers gently over them before speaking.

"Oh.. Alex. How can I help you? And please, let me help you, Alex." Alex shakes her head no.

"I-I don't need help, I'm fine." She says, pulling her arms away. Ms Perez looks away for a moment, before turning back with a look of determination. She speaks with an unnerving calmness.

"Alex. If you don't let me help you or at the very least provide you resources to get help. I will have to tell someone, and I don't want that for you. So, please Alex, let me help you." Her last sentence full of desperation.

Alex looked into her eyes, seeing Ms Perez stare into her soul with pure concern for her wellbeing. Finally, Alex nods, agreeing to what she thought would be useless but she just couldn't say no to Ms Perez.

After that day Alex decided to get help and although she ended up failing that year; She went to therapy, she fought her demons. Even if in the beginning it was a measly attempt to please her principal.