Rupture // h.s au

19. "What am I doing, Autumn?"

Harry

" 1, 2, 3." Autumn counted, my arm on her shoulder, her other arm around my barely functioning body in an attempt to lift me off the bed. She had to rinse the blood away, and it was too much to wipe away with a towel. With a wince and an inevitable groan, I was off the bed, limping my way into the bathroom.

" Talk. Talk about anything and distract yourself away from the pain." She suggested, huffing multiple times as to not complain about my heavy weight, compared to her own.

" Jeez, why haven't I thought of that before? Oh, I know, because I am exhausted and I feel like I might actually pass out any minute, but yeah, talking can definitely be good, and not draining at all."

" Okay, smartass." She dropped the arm that rested on her shoulder, sitting me down on the edge of the bath, rather roughly, and even with my eyes closed, I was certain she had rolled her eyes. My head hung low, my hands trembling with God knows what, as I fell into dreadful silence. For a moment, I thought she had left me, made a run for it, or worse. But then, her cold touch began removing my bandana, falling onto my shirt.

" Hands up." She urged, her hands aiding my own to lift, but my dislocated shoulder could in no way bear the angle.

" Dammit, okay, I'm cutting this shit off you." She announced, and before I had the time to protest, I could hear fabric being torn and I knew that it was too late to deny her request, or rather, her order. She huffed and groaned and cursed in frustration, but I was soon shirtless. Her hands traced by bruised skin, falling into patterns that I couldn't quite name. Her breathing had evened out, as she continued to trace the inked skin of my chest.

" I love this one." She whispered, her voice low, saturated with a lot of things, that I couldn't begin to describe, nor understand.

" Which one? Kind of blind here." She giggled slightly at that, stopping herself midway, as if it was so wrong for her to laugh at something I said, or even, laugh at all.

" The birds. They're almost flying back to one another, and they're beautifully done."

" Yeah, well, my favorite is the anchor on my wrest. I used to have a quote there, but then I, I grew out of it, I guess." Her hands had taken my own, now tracing the tattoo I spoke off.

" What did it say?"

" I can't change." I didn't know why, or how, but I just knew that her eyebrows would be furrowed at me, her eyes confused, curious.

" How did you grow out of that?"

" I changed, I guess." I shrugged my lone functioning shoulder, attempting to open my eyes, because I needed to watch her, as I was certain, she was watching me.

" Did you really? I mean, do people change, or do they go back to their natural roots, what they were born with, yet, spent a lifetime attempting to escape? But you can't escape who you are; what you are. You will always return to that, and it will either revive whatever was left of you, or put you out all together, no in-between." Her hands had left my own, falling to my pants, slowly unzipping them. I found myself praying for my body to not react to her the way it usually did.

" And did it aid you, or kill you?" Her actions had come to a sudden halt, but her hands remained on my waist. I managed to barely open my eyes, my sight blurred, zoned out and unfocused, but I caught the slight shake of her head, the way her mouth hung open slightly, before she returned to her previous actions.

" You don't know what you're doing, Harry." She breathed, too sunk in her own world of thoughts to acknowledge my gaze.

" What am I doing, Autumn?" She lifted her widened eyes to meet my own, a small smile gracing my lips at the very sight.

" You're- you're walking right into a trap."

" Am I now?" Against my own ribs' protests, I leaned down, my face mere inches away from her own. Her eyes fell onto my lips, before they met mine again.

" Don't do this, Harry." She half threatened, half pleaded.

" Do what, Autumn?" She closed her eyes, her chest rising and falling, before she retrieved her hands from their position on my waist. A frown had settled onto her forehead, and I wanted nothing more than to kiss it away.

I pulled my hand out, laying it on her cheek. She slightly rested her face there, releasing a long breath. I thought I had her, I thought she was finally letting me in, but then she quickly rose to her feet, shaking her head frantically as if my touch had burned holes into her.

" Take a shower, and call for me when you're done." With that, she exited the bathroom, leaving me bewildered, confused, and yet again, disappointed. A sigh went past my lips, as I leaned on the bath for support, to stand myself up. The world spun aggressively, but I closed my eyes again, since there was nothing worth seeing anymore. I took my time with the shower, part of me, wanting to enjoy the blissful relaxation, but the other part; the absurd, naïve part of me, wanted to trigger any sort of reaction from her. It didn't happen though, I heard nothing from her, until I opened the door, to find her pacing the floor, her hands in her hair, probably pulling at the roots.

Once she heard the door opening, her frantic eyes met my own, her steps slowing to a stop, her hands still in her hair. She quickly recovered, rushing to my side, returning to her previous position, with me, leaning against her for support.

" Are you still in pain?" She questioned, bumping my head into one of the cupboards.

" Shit, shit, I'm sorry." She rushed, attempting to pull me away from the cupboards' way, losing her balance and falling onto the ground, with me, right on top of her. She was laughing, her eyes squeezed shut with the intensity of it, causing me to recover from my previous shock, falling into content laughter. I hadn't seen her like this before; so carefree, joyful, and innocent. She almost glowed, and I begged my eyes not to blink, because I needed to savor this for as long as I could. Her laughter slowly faded into small, occasional, giggles, as she stared into my eyes.

" Maybe getting rid of Louis wasn't the best idea we've had." She offered, amusement saturating her tone.

" He would have made this ten times worse, trust me." She nodded in agreement, sighing slightly, but never once breaking our intense gaze.

" Do you think we should get up?"

" It's not about what we should do, it's about what we want to do. What do you want to do, Autumn?"

" You and your psychological shit, Harry, I swear." She rolled her eyes, but a smile continued to play onto her lips.

" It's who I am." I offered.

" Yeah, it is." She agreed, her relaxed demeanor slowly diminishing, sadness settling in, for no apparent reason at all.

She pulled her body away from my own, before helping lift me off the ground. I was rather infuriated by her sudden change of mental state, as I allowed her to stand me up, walking us both to the bed. She put me down, walking to the drawers to retrieve my shorts and a white t-shirt. She quietly set them down beside me, her eyes, never again meeting my own, before she walked back to her chair, dimming the lights. Her back was towards me, her hands crossed over her chest, as her body fell into her normal breathing pattern.

" What the fuck just happened?" I hissed under my breath.

A sigh escaped her lips, but she chose not to comment, leaving both in puzzled, uncomfortable, silence.

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A/N: lets try to get this to 2.5k reads soon? that'd mean a lot :)

ily x