Rupture // h.s au

54. "No more leaving."

Harry

She had moved away from my embrace. Liam had left. We had fallen on the bed, facing each other, but not really touching. Her hands were under her head, while mine were resting in the space between us. Her toes were twitching, occasionally brushing against my legs, but they'd quickly shy away. But her eyes. They were holding my own. They were the least shielded I had ever seen them. The greenish brown in them was a different shade, highlighted by the beams of sunlight, piercing through the holes in the door, and breaking at her back. They looked like the most beautiful sunset, all those oranges and yellows and reds and purples. Only hers, were a bit green too, like that sun was setting on a deserted forest. Or maybe it was helping grow a tree or two, right by the corners of her eyes, before all those colors molded into the clear white.

She had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. She was the most beautiful girl. I almost didn't see all life's taunts on her; all the scars, and wounds, and stitches. All that kept her together. All that tore her apart. All that made her all she was; every last bit of it, everything I loved so much, it hurt a little.

" I love you." I whispered, voice raspy and restrained, caught a bit in my throat, as the unfamiliar words formed on my tongue, until they were out. Finally. Her eyes fell away from my own then, and I missed them immediately. I missed her, and she was right there.

" I love you too." She said, so quietly, I thought she didn't mean for me to hear. But I did. And my heart began to race, falling to pieces and falling together, all at the same time.

" I don't know what to do with that yet, Autumn."

" That's okay." Her voice shook, and her eyes returned to my own again, but they were tearful now. And I hated it. I absolutely loathed what I had done to her.

" No, it isn't, Autumn. But everything is going to hell, and- I'm responsible for this camp, for those people out there. They're counting on me to get them through it. And we might get into war any minute with your father. And it just- I can't think of this yet. I can't allow myself to process it all. My mum was sick, she was dying, and you saved her life. I know that. I can't thank you enough for that, or pay you back, but you also killed my father, Autumn. And everything since then had come stumbling down. You cut the final thread keeping me attached to an ordinary life, to my old self. And maybe he could have forgiven you right away. Maybe he could have loved you regardless of it all. But I can't. I'm sorry."

Her features crumbled, eyes squeezing shut, like something so agonizing was about to escape her, but nothing came out. She breathed, slowly, fisting and relaxing her hands, before opening her eyes again. They were a bit duller now, emptier, with no hidden tears, but also, no unspoken words.

" I understand. I'm sorry too."

" You'll take it slow with me? You'll give it time? Give me time?"

" Whatever you need, Harry."

" I don't want to lose you. I don't."

" I don't want to lose you either."

Somewhere amidst all that, we had found our way into each others' arms, with her fingers tugging at my chest, and my hands holding her to me. She had her face in my neck, while my face was in her hair, and I felt safe. I wasn't scared anymore. Not from her. Not for her. I wasn't scared because I loved her, and for the first time since I'd first fallen for her, it felt right. Easy almost. And nothing else ever was.

" Did you have any other nightmares last night?"

" No, I didn't."

We spoke in whispers, as if we were telling our deepest, darkest secrets, and the world wasn't allowed to listen in. Like if we spoke any louder, then it would go beyond the cocoon we'd formed around one another, and we'd be forced to indulge in a world that we didn't care for. And we didn't want that. This was good. This was safe. This was home.

" It's going to get dark soon. I have night rounds today."

" Maybe I can come with you? If that's okay."

I pulled away, only a little, taking her face in my hands, moving my fingers over every single feature of hers, that I could trace even with my eyes closed. Her eyes were a bit darker now, although, there was a single ray of sunshine, hitting the exact middle of her eyes, shrinking the black, and making the brown a bit more honey-like. Her eyes were so warm like that, so kind.

" Of course it is. I love you." A breathless gasp went past her lips, as her eyes looked between my own, as if searching for traces of hesitance or uncertainty, but there weren't any. If there was one thing I knew for sure, it was that.

" And I love you."

" I think that's the first time we say it, without one of us leaving." She laughed a little, as my lips curved into a smile, so big, it almost hurt.

" No more leaving, yeah?"

She circled her arms around my neck, pulling my face closer to hers, and I didn't even think it could get any closer. It felt like we were breathing the same air. For the first time, we existed in parallelism, without colliding, or tearing the other apart. And in that moment, I wanted to pour my whole existence into her, and just live through her. So, my lips fell onto hers, not really kissing, but simply touching. Just being there.

She tasted like she did, that very first time we kissed. It felt like it was a lifetime or more ago. We hadn't been the same since. We weren't the same now. And probably, every single kiss of hers, would turn us into another version of ourselves. And we'd still be in love then. We'd always be in love.

" No more leaving, Autumn."

That could have been a promise. Or a plea. Maybe a bit of both.

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A/N: So there you have it! This is probably the most rushed chapter I've ever written but I promised you guys an update so there it is, but I apologize if it isn't up to standard, or if you expected more, I just wanted a laid back Hautumn chapter, where we get a bit of insight into their relationship, and that's what I came up with :)

I have an odd case of writer's block, where I have ideas, but I can't really word them properly, so bear with me please.

Anyway, 70k reads, wow, I'm speechless, but- thank you. A million times thank you.

Oh also, this story is now being translated to Hungarian, by the person I'm dedicating this chapter to, so if you speak that language, feel free to read that version of it!

I won't set any goals for the next update, so it'll just be during a week from now, as soon as I get a good enough chapter written :)

Till then, ily x