Rupture // h.s au

32. "I'm done."

Harry

" Rick, gunshot wound to the leg, the bullet exited from the other side, but the bleeding hasn't stopped. The bone doesn't seem to be fractured." I laid Zayn down on the bed in Rick's clinic, hearing him loudly groan in agony, as Rick rushed to his side. As soon as I turned away to analyze the losses, I saw mum rushing into the clinic.

" Harry, oh thank God, you're okay." She pulled me into her warm embrace, and I didn't feel a thing. I wasn't comforted, nor was I suffocated. I was neither at peace nor on edge. I felt nothing. I had become, nothing.

She pulled away, her eyebrows furrowing in worry, before her eyes fell upon the struggling Zayn. She walked to his side, taking his hand and aiding Rick as best as she could. Niall was carrying a crying Raine in his arms, with Louis standing right beside him, seemingly at loss. I scanned the bloody surroundings, men screaming in pain, women crying beside their dying men. Bodies upon bodies laying in a far corner, where they remained undisturbed. It was ruthless chaos, in its most vicious forms.

" How many are they?" I whispered, losing count.

" Harry-"

" Louis, dammit, how many?"

" So far, we have at least 20." Rick weakly responded, his eyes rising to evaluate my state of mind, before they fell upon Zayn again.

" Fuck it all to hell, I'm done."

I walked away, unable to handle anyone's presence, only now, allowing myself to feel the great loss that was Autumn. The roads seemed to be drowning in blood, one scream after the other echoing through camp. Men were being carried away, stacked into another group of bodies that I failed to protect. Children were being rushed to the clinic, holding onto their very last breath. Women were screaming, crying, and grieving. Houses would not be lived in today, beds would not be slept upon. It would all be graves, tears, and wounds. 20 people. 20 stories. 20 families. And it was all on me. So much blood, so much grief, loss, and sadness, weighing me down, taking me to the ground.

I walked till I found myself standing where it all started, where Autumn once stood, shielding us all, attempting to keep her father's venom away. Where Autumn took a bullet for us; the supposed enemy. Where she walked away, taking with her all that was beautiful and kind about the world. If not the whole world, then at least my own.

Hours seemed to pass, while I stood on the line tearing me apart from all I had run away from. My legs began to ache, but my mind couldn't possibly process an ache that would compare to the void in my heart where I thought I'd hold her for a bit longer than I had. My muscles were sore with tension, my bones weighted by the crushing burden laid upon me.

" Harry." I felt a hand laying on my shoulder.

" How is Zayn?"

" He's okay. Resting now. How are you holding up?" I wasn't. I felt like I might collapse any minute, the fire that used to burn so aggressively within me, had been put out, leaving me with ashes of what was, what might have been.

" Lets go back. We have damage control to do." I walked past Louis, only for him to grab my arm, turning me back, immediately pulling me into his arms.

" You don't have to always be in control, dammit. I know it fucking kills you when this shit happens, and to think that she's gone too. Dammit, Harry, say something, do something, let it out. Don't let it eat you up inside. This wasn't your fault."

" Twenty fucking people, Louis. What makes my life any more valuable than theirs? Why am I here and they aren't? Those were children, mothers, fathers, sons, husbands, what am I? What reason could possibly be behind this shit? How does one make sense of any of it?" I whispered into his shoulder, my arms remaining still beside me, out of energy to react in any way. He pulled away, his blue eyes flashing with concern.