Rupture // h.s au

36. "I was in pain."

Harry

It was silent. We didn't know if there was anything we could discuss between us, and quite frankly, I was absolutely drained by the previous events to attempt to be civil around him. I couldn't rid myself of the lingering reminder that he partially brought upon us all we had to endure for the past week or so. He was a bureaucrat, but so was she, and all she'd ever done for us was spare us any further suffering. I sighed to myself, unable to erase the images of all the blood and burns and scars and wounds covering her body.

" She was in a lot of pain. Most times, she'd barely be conscious, and I'd hear her, saying your name over and over again. It scared her to death that she might forget who you are. She- she held onto that, and I think if she hadn't, she wouldn't have been here now. So- I just- thank you."

All my movement came to a sudden halt, and I felt my heart aching, tearing my ribcage apart. The remorse pulsed through my veins again, and I could have collapsed right then and there, under the weight of it all. I couldn't breathe and I wanted to run back to her and hold her and apologize for every thing that had ever happened to her. I slowly tilted my head backwards towards the sorrowful young man, who was looking more and more like a victim than an attacker.

" Are you, like, okay?" He gave me a small, sad smile, weakly nodding. He brought his brown eyes to meet my own momentarily, before they shied away. His eyes were a few shades darker than Autumn's, but they had the same outline.

" How come they didn't hurt you though?"

" I'm not that important to our father. I'm like, I'm more obedient. Quite a coward if I'm being honest, but I just- I don't know what to do. It's my dad, and it's my sister, and I've already lost someone I care for. I just can't afford to lose anybody else. I'm not cut out for this, I'm not a soldier or a leader. I'm just- a person."

" Then why did you get her out and bring her here? You must have known your- Griffin, wouldn't approve of it."

" Because I was losing her. He- he was doing things to her, and I could tell she couldn't take much more. I had to get her out. Ever since mum died, she's been all I've got. She's harsh and she's rude and she's distanced, but she's the only form of motherly love I've ever gotten. She's my older sister, and she tried and tried to not make me feel the loss of our mother the way she had, so she ended up carrying the burden for the both of us. I couldn't let him take her away, not her too. Otherwise, it's just... pointless."

He looked so sad, so scared, and I felt for him. I had only lost my father, and if it wasn't for the gracious soul that was my mum, I would have lost my mind a long time ago. So for him to lose his mother, and then watch it destroy his sister, it couldn't have been easy. I was suddenly less cautious, and more welcoming of him.

" It's okay. She'll be okay now. Let me get you to the room before I head back."

" You'll take care of her, right? You won't let him have her again?" I had begun to walk away, when I turned to face him again.

" Never again." I promised, receiving an encouraged nod from him, as he sped his steps to keep up with me. He should have been deformed by what life had thrown at him, but he wasn't. And I found that refreshing. At least he managed to get through life, without allowing it to torment him. At least he could still feel simple emotions such as fear or worry or love. At least he was remotely normal, with one of the few good hearts.

When we reached my room, I offered him some clothes, a blanket and pillow, in case he needed to sleep. I advised him not to wonder around on his own, as the chaos around camp still hadn't died down, and they wouldn't cope with strangers well. He seemed to understand, as I excused myself, finding my way towards the clinic, with a heavy, guilty, soul.

The weight of the losses was lingering at the back of my head, weighing me down, and I could only bear so much. I lost it. I couldn't take his persistence. I couldn't take much of anything. I knew he meant well. I knew he was right. I just couldn't face the truth of it. I couldn't quite face what had happened, or what I had contributed to it. And he wouldn't let me shut down in peace.

All too soon, I was standing in front of the clinic, eyes taking in the calm movement around camp. It had been so long since it was this quiet, this settled down. It felt like things were a bit more balanced now, that she was back. I shook my head to calm my thoughts, stepping into the clinic, to be met with Rick.

" Harry, I'm assuming you're here for Louis."

" I am. Is he alright?"

" Niall brought him in, but he wouldn't let me work on him at all. Eventually, I had to give him some necessities and let him go. Quite stubborn, that one."

" Tell me about it. And how about Zayn?"

" He's making slow progress. Might need to stick him to bed rest for a while longer, can't risk any clots or bleedings, or such."

" Of course, yeah, whatever he needs. Thanks, Rick. Have a good night."

" You too, Harry."

I ran out of the clinic, and towards Louis' house. I was even more worried now, knowing that he hadn't gotten the treatment he needed. I could still feel my knuckles breaking through his bones. I could almost smell his blood on my hands. I needed to cleanse myself of all traces of my doings. I needed to feel like myself again.

I was slightly out of breath by the time I had made it to his house. I knocked a few times, before Niall opened the door, his features immediately falling into a deep frown.

" How is he?"

" He's in a lot of pain. I think he fractured a rib, and his nose is still bleeding all over the place."

" Can you give us a minute?"

" Harry-"

" Niall, just- please. I need a minute."

He eyed me skeptically, before nodding in understanding. He turned to take one final glance upon Louis, before he walked past me. I released a long breath, walking into the house, to find Louis sprawled onto his bed, a wet towel covering most of his face.

" Fuck, Louis," I breathed, seeing the actual amount of damage I had caused him. He removed the towel from his face, staring at me with void, bruised, eyes. He didn't speak a word. He didn't have to. I was feeling so much roaming within me, and him voicing all my concerns, would have pushed me off the edge.

" I'm- I'm so sorry, Louis. I- fuck, I don't know how I-" I looked down upon my hands, wondering how they were ever capable of doing that, and to Louis, out of all people.

" I was in pain. I couldn't take it. I couldn't allow myself to stop, because if I had, then I would have felt it. And I swear I couldn't, Louis. I'm just- I'm so sorry, I wish I could take it all back." I sighed, looking away, because it was all a bit too much.

" You look like shit." He spoke, after a few silent moments. I brought my eyes up to meet his own, receiving the smallest of all smiles from him. It looked pained, and forced, but at least it was there. I couldn't help but return it.

" We should find you a mirror." I joked, earning a chuckle, that slowly deformed into a groan.

" Oh shit, sorry. Lets clean you up." I walked towards him, wetting the towel again, and laying it onto his nose, before working on the rest of his clear wounds. He was silent for the most part, in too much pain to hold a conversation. I didn't mind, I didn't think I could handle much conversing myself. I just wished I could take away all traces of my doings. I wished I hadn't done what I had done to him, or her, for that matter. I wished I could take it all back.

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A/N: if we get this story to 20k reads, I'll double update, how does that sound? :)

ily x

ps: I posted a book of imagines if you'd like to check that out, it'd mean a lot.