Rupture // h.s au

41. "Autumn killed dad."

Harry

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't hear past my choked breaths, and my heart thumping aggressively against my chest, almost seeking release. I couldn't see past the tears that had somehow continued to form, no matter how furiously I had wiped against my eyes.

Memories resurfaced, demanding my attention. Threads of my mind that I had buried so desperately. Images, that were more painful than the loss itself. It all felt so vivid, so real, and all my wounds reopened. I could have sworn I was bleeding out. But the pain was far worse than any physical agony I've had to endure. I didn't think I could take it.

I didn't know how long it was, before I collapsed, falling into a heap of disregarded human remains that had broken too many times to ever be repaired. I had stopped crying, but I was still unable to breathe. My mind was too hectic, and my heart was too wounded, and I couldn't get away from it, any of it. I wished I could run back into her arms, because somehow, she'd be the only thing that could remotely patch me back together. But how could she do that when she was the one who tore me apart? How could she do that when she was the one who brought back all those demons that I had outrun for years now?

I remembered my father's smile, his morning kiss to my mother, his promise to get her something while he was on his final mission. I remembered him telling me to take good care of her, because I was the man of the house when he wasn't around. I hadn't known that I'd have to grow into that man so soon. I hadn't known that he wouldn't be around ever again. I hadn't known that it had been his subtle goodbye.

They say people sense when their death approaches. They say they have a feeling, that time is running out, and they're either at peace or worrisome. I wondered if he had known. I wondered if he had felt it, in his gut, that he wouldn't come back to us, that his present would never be delivered to my mother, and that he'd leave behind a boy too young to have to endure such a morbid loss, and a woman too in love to live through it. I wondered if she'd thought of any of that as she took his life away.

So many people had lost their lives because of her. So many stories coming to an end. So many children, growing too fast, too brutally, into destroyed human beings. So many tears shed. So many hearts broken. She had done so much damage to the world that was already deteriorating. I couldn't help but think that she had been right all along. Perhaps, I should have killed her once I had seen the true colors of her dark soul. Perhaps, I should have never let her in. Perhaps, I shouldn't have loved her, because she couldn't possibly love me through this. She couldn't possibly love me enough to heal this hole in my chest, or fill that void in my heart.

I brought my legs to my chest, resting my heavy head against my knees. I thought if I became small enough, if I hid myself within my own body well enough, then I'd eventually disappear. I just wanted to go away. Everything felt so... heavy, and I could no longer carry the weight of my own soul, let alone, the rest of the world. I began rocking back and forth, figure taken over by all that had made its tormenting home within me.

" Harry!" I was brought back with a hand on my shoulder, as I lifted my head, to meet my mother's concerned eyes. She seemed like she had been calling me for quite some time, but I couldn't possibly hear her in that state of mind. I looked around, only now realizing that I had fallen by the side of the road, meters away from the clinic. Rick stood behind her, staring down upon me with furrowed eyebrows. I was yet again hit by a wave of urgent need to fade away.

" What are you doing here? What's wrong?" She sat on her knees, kindly patting my shoulder, urging me to speak. But I feared if I opened my mouth, only more sobs would come out. And I couldn't possibly endure that again. Her frown deepened, as she turned her head towards Rick, who nodded respectfully, before walking away.

" Harry, what's wrong, baby?" She took my face into her hands, pushing free hair locks away from my eyes. I almost succumbed under her persistent motherly love, that once again, reminded me of the wife that had lost her husband too suddenly.

" Can you stand? Are you hurt?" She scanned my figure for any visible wounds, but she couldn't possibly see what had been done to me. She couldn't possibly visualize, how much pain was twisting my insides, killing me, one organ at a time. I took her hands in my own, ceasing their movement before I brought my eyes to meet hers.

" Mum," I choked out, already feeling the cries releasing, before the words ever could.

" Tell me, love, what is it?" She urged, holding my hand a bit tighter.

" Autumn. She- she's the reason dad died when he did. She killed him. Autumn killed dad." Her eyes widened, a sigh pushing past her lips, as she pulled me into her embrace, completely burying me into her despite my larger figure.

" I know, Harry. I know."

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A/N: Hey guys, sorry it took me so long to update this time, they haven't been the kindest of days, and I was only now able to get on my laptop and update. My cousin had been diagnosed with breast cancer and she had her surgery on Thursday and I had been with her ever since, so please understand if I ever take too long to update or reply to your comments or any of that, because I probably can't help it.

With that out of the way, I know this is another cliff hanger, but the next chapter is the one that brought me to tears, so I'll probably update sooner than you think :)

Till next time, ily x

ps: I made this new cover for the story, what do you think of it? And if you think you can do better, then please do, and send it to me, and I'll be sure to give you all the credit you deserve :)