Rupture // h.s au

27. "Say hi to Autumn."

Autumn

His all-knowing lips kissed me, in all the right spots, fulfilling me, satisfying my every need. His hands framed my own body, most of his weight laying between my legs, while his chest continued to collide with my own, sending chills through me every single time. His hair had somehow fallen out of the bandana normally holding it back, as it tickled my forehead. He didn't need to speak a single word, honestly, his voice would have been overwhelming; saturated with lust, need and desperation.

I had thought I was done for, losing all attachments to humanity, but with him, so incredibly close and vulnerable, I could feel more than I was willing to, more than I ever thought was possible. I could feel him, all he offered with his simple touch, or a single look into his eyes. He was impossible to block out. Around him, I was weak, raw, unprotected and unprepared. And somehow, along the way, he made me okay with that. Even though, I had no understanding of the concept of trust, I knew that if I had given him all he needed to destroy me, he still wouldn't. He was almost too good to be living among all those barely-human people surrounding us. He wasn't meant to live through a world so fucked, deceitful and destructive. He deserved a world that was as pure as he was, yet, here he was, tangled into a bare mess with the least human of all.

I knew he deserved better, I knew what this would bring us, but being the selfish bitch I was, I couldn't allow myself to let go of him. He reminded me of her; the distant girl in my memories, the one who dreamed of so much, was capable of laughing, without feeling the weight on her chest forcing her to stop. The girl who was capable of loving, like it was the easiest, most natural thing of all. The girl who merely wanted to grow up, marry a man who would be a soldier working under her father, have children and raise them to be nothing like the world they lived in. That girl was so innocent, oblivious, almost absurd, thinking that they would let her become what she wanted to be. She should have known, that no one was meant to be fixed in that world. She should have expected the mass destruction to settle into her, down to the core, passing through her veins, spreading its poison, till there was nothing left. She should have known. Like I should have known then, that Harry couldn't possibly remain.

And I almost pulled away, distanced myself from his intoxicating presence, but he felt so good, and I was suddenly so weak, and I couldn't do it. He looked into my eyes, taking his bottom lip between his teeth, giving me that smile of his, before kissing me again, and for now, I had to hold on to him till there was nothing left to hold on to. For now, I had to love him, for my own sanity, and quite possibly, his. I had to let him love me, because fuck, how could I not?

A knock on the door interrupted us. Again. He groaned into my mouth, rising to open the door, running a hand through his mess of a hair. He looked at me for a mere second, before opening the door, cursing under his breath, when his mother walked past him, and into the room.

" You thought you'd be able to say something like that and then walk away? Ha! Think again, Harold."

" Mum-"

" No, what do you mean she's not a prisoner anymore? And since when do you come to my costume party?"

" Mum, if you'd just listen-"

" If this was a joke, I am never speaking to you again, okay? You can't joke about this, you know how much this means to me."

" I know, mum, but-"

" No, buts. I saw Raine on my way here and she told me you promised you'd take her, and bring Autumn? So not only is she out of prison, but she's coming to my costume party? What the hell is going on here?"

He stood by the door, crossing his arms against his chest, with an entertained grin on his lips, waiting for his mum to finish her frantic speech.

" Are you quite done?" Harry then asked, after his mum had stopped her pacing. She released a long sigh, nodding weakly.

" Okay, good. Now, say hi to Autumn and then we can talk." His mother's green eyes widened, turning to face me, before rising a hand to robotically wave at me.

" Nice to see you again." I giggled, rising from the bed, to stand at an appropriate distance away from Harry.

" Shit, you heard all of that, didn't you?" I nodded, unable to contain my laughter.

" Language, mum." Harry said, walking to her side, easily taking her into his arms, before kissing the top of her head.

" How is she here?" His mother whispered, her eyes still slightly wide.

" I let her out. It was a mistake to take her back there, so I fixed it." His eyes left his mum, to meet my own, whispering a silent apology, as I nodded, offering a content smile.

" But it's safe, right? You're not doing anything stupid, are you?" She turned in his arms, cupping his face into her hands.

" I know what I'm doing, mum." He whispered. She distanced herself in his arms, staring at him questionably.

" You look different."

" Hmm?"

" You're like... glowing, or something. You seem lighter, happier. Are you in love, boy?" His green emeralds widened in horror, as he pulled away from his mother's embrace. If I didn't know any better, I would have said what she said, was his deepest secret, the one secret he didn't yet admit, not even to himself. But it couldn't possibly be.

" And time for you to go." Harry joked, rolling his eyes at his blunt mother. She looked between us both, before walking towards me.

" He's a good kid, don't hurt him." She whispered, taking my face into her hands, the way she did Harry. She wasn't judgmental, nor was she firm. It was a mere plea, in fear for her only son. And I found myself missing all that I once had, wishing, for the first time in endless years, that I could have had a mother, much like this one. I weakly nodded, forcing a smile upon my dry lips.

" You're not as bad as they make you out to be." She said, releasing my face. She returned to her bewildered son, kissing his cheeks, before waving at me, and walking out of the room, as suddenly as she had entered. Harry was quickly by my side, laying a hand onto my cheek, which I leaned into, closing my eyes to sink into his blissful touch.

" I'm sorry about her."

" She's lovely." I found my throat drying, my heart racing, my chest caving in a little.

" Are you okay?"

I couldn't remember the last time I was asked this question, so tenderly, so carefully, like it mattered. Like I mattered. I didn't know what it was, but I felt like crying, at the loss I never grieved upon, for the girl I had to murder within me. At the man I was unable to fully love, the man who'd never be rightfully mine, the man I was supposed to kill, but was too weak to do even that. At the woman that wanted to protect her son from becoming all that I was, at the man who was supposed to kill me, but loved me instead. And the man who was supposed to love me, but destroyed me instead. I felt like crying at my mother, my own self, Harry, all his people, and all of mine. I felt like crying, but I couldn't, because he kissed me again, this time a bit more delicate, passionate, and sentimental, and I had forgotten why I ever wanted to cry.

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A/N: next chapter is the custom party, what do you think they're gonna be dressed as? let me know your guesses!

thank you so so much for how you're helping this story to grow, it means the absolute world to me, and it motivates me to hurry with the updates so thanks again :)

ily x