Rupture // h.s au

42. "You knew?"

Harry

" What the hell? What do you mean you know?" I pulled away, feeling all that had been roaming within me deforming into a large lump of betrayal, that I was trying extremely hard to contain but I could only handle so much.

" Calm down, it isn't what you think it is." She spoke so calmly, too calmly, that no one would ever assume this concerned her husband's murder. I lifted myself to my feet, fighting against the draining sensation that wouldn't depart my figure. She rose to her full height as well, sighing.

" Care to explain? How long have you known for? You knew? She told you? Before me? How the fuck did that happen?"

" I was spending the night with her. It was the second day of her return, and she was quite out of it. She was having a nightmare, I think it was concerning your father. She thrashed and yelled and cried. I couldn't wake her up. Eventually, she kept repeating how sorry she was. She said your name, over and over again. ' Harry. I'm so sorry, Harry. I didn't know. I wish it was me. I wish it was me, Harry.'  Over and over and over. It was... I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to make of it, and she was in no condition to speak at all, let alone come to terms with what she'd done. So I kept to myself, because I wasn't sure, and that's not something you can easily speak about, Harry. You only now confirmed my suspicions. I hadn't known. She hadn't told me. There was no great treason here."

She looked away from me, although, her aura had remarkably dimmed. I needed time to take it all in, process it. I felt a headache starting at the back of my head, slowly spreading through my skull. I rubbed my temples, allowing my eyes to fall shut in utter confusion. I didn't know what I was meant to do with any of it. I was never taught how to love someone through something as gruesome as this. In fact, I was never taught how to love someone at all.

" Why aren't you angry? Does this not... break your heart?" I needed to know if I was overreacting. I needed to know I was entitled to feel all that was eating away at me.

" Harry, losing your father had... it had been the most heart wrenching thing I've ever had to endure. I honestly didn't think I'd make it past the first week. But I did, because I had you. And you had to have me too, if you couldn't have your father. But Autumn didn't have anyone. Her mother was slaughtered, right in front of her eyes. People don't come out of things like that the same. And to add to it all, her father messed with her head, toyed with her to his own benefits. She had no one to protect her. No one to tell her that she could be so many things other than that monster her father was trying to turn her into. She had no one to give her any reason to get through her days. I- when I heard her saying your father's name, when I heard her, confessing to all of what she'd done, I thought I'd want to kill her. But I didn't. I didn't want to kill her. I wanted to hold her, and be for her what she'd always needed. This Autumn, isn't the one who was captured and brought here. She isn't the one who refused to give you any information, and threatened to end you, and all of us with you. And she certainly isn't the one who killed your father. I can't blame her for what the world had made out of her, because it could have easily been you, or me. We just had each other, we were lucky. She wasn't."

She lifted her eyes, that looked so much like my own, and they were drowned in unshed tears, her chest heaving with the constant reminder of our loss. I shook my head, taking her into my embrace, rocking us both soothingly. I kissed the top of her head apologetically. I wanted to apologize for the cruel world that had deformed Autumn into what she had become. I wanted to apologize for her, losing her husband when she was never meant to live through something like that. I wanted to apologize for not being there more often, for not taking her own pain into consideration, too sunk into my own. I wanted to apologize for not thanking her, for being the parent she had been, because I probably wouldn't have made it this far without her, if at all.

" You're right. I love you."

" I love you too." She sighed, holding me so tight, I could feel a few pieces, falling back into place inside me. We remained in each other's arms for a while, needing the silent comfort, the reassurance that at the end of the day, at least we had each other. Finally, I pulled away, kissing the top of her head, and giving her hand a slight squeeze. She smiled a bit, but I could tell that our previous conversation had its toll on her.

" What do you plan on doing now?" She asked, running a hand beneath her eyes, to remove any traces of her previous tears.

" I don't know. I just need a bit of time to get past all that. I think I'll spend the night in my own room, and then we'll see how I feel in the morning."

" Do you want me to come with you, or stay with her?"

" You can do what you want. I can't... think about her. Not right now."

" Alright, love. I'll go see Rick first, because we had things to discuss concerning the clinic, and then maybe I'll head home. She isn't well enough to stay on her own yet."

" God, mum. Now I understand why dad loved you so much." I pulled her in for another embrace, needing the sense of familiarity that only she could offer. She had been my only parent for so long, sometimes, when my father's loss seemed to slip my mind, it would feel like I'd only ever had her. And I was eternally grateful. She laughed against my chest, giving me a final pat on the back, before she walked away.

With a slightly lighter soul, and a stubbornly broken heart, I turned to my own room's direction. It had been so long since I'd spent the night away from Autumn, and although, I could feel the hole in my chest, slowly growing, as the distance that laid between us furthered, I couldn't will myself to face her just yet. I feared all I'd be able to see in her eyes would be my father's lifeless ones. I feared all I'd be able to feel was hatred. Because I couldn't hate her. I could only ever love her. But tonight wasn't the night for me to do that.

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A/N: The next chapter is one of the closest to my heart, so please, lets get this story to 35k reads, so that I'd post it faster? :)

What do you think Harry should do? Do you think he should forgive Autumn? Or will they never be the same again? Please let me know what you think.

ily x