Daunting Fires (Completed)

15- Loss

Today, we start training again. My life has never been more blurry. So many things are taking place, I'm not even sure if they're actually happening. Yesterday after lunch, Cece and Jared held hands as we walked to Jake's apartment. I felt weird but I think they're adorable together.

Trix said her brother wanted to play dauntless games so she invited us to his place. I went to the dormitory after we played spin the bottle and I had to kiss Darin. I felt so humiliated, I decided to play sick.

The clock on the dormitory wall says 5:59 A.M. I sigh, annoyed everyone else is sleeping but I can't sleep all too well. I kept waking up through the night.

The hour hand lands on 6 and I get up to get my boots to change into. I go to the mini lockers near the small corner of showers and get my black jeans and spandex long sleeve shirt. Eric bursts in the room, destroying the silence of sleeping people. He looks at me in the small corner and he seems fierce. I look away, remembering that I pushed him away yesterday.

Hey, he doesn't even know me! And I respect myself enough not to be his tool.

But he obviously won't like that.

Eric rolls his eyes away from me and grabs the metal pole from the ground. He starts banging it on the concrete wall. Everyone gets up as quickly as they wake up.

"Bright and early, kids. Short breakfast. Be in the training room in 15 minutes." He gives me the death stare before he turns and leaves. I feel uneasy. It wasn't a big deal, right? I embarrassed him though. Maybe he thought I was someone else yesterday and he accidentally lured me into the room.

I wish.

But then again I don't.

I change and don't even wait for Cece and Jared. I'm sure they want to be alone as much as they can anyways. I speed walk to the cafeteria.

After grabbing the usual blueberry muffin and a bottle of water, I sit at the emptiest table closest to the door. The cafeteria slowly fills.

I pinch a piece off of my muffin and eat. I can't help but wonder if Eric is really as mad as he seems. The whole situation is a blurry nightmare. But I can't help but admit that I liked when he kissed me...

What's wrong with me?

I finish my muffin and drink my water. I didn't see Cece or Jared and they probably didn't see me. I look at the clock. 6:08. I have 7 minutes to kill.

I get up, throw my garbage out, and speed walk towards the washroom. I don't want to get into any conversations this morning. I'm in a bad and confused mood.

I push the washroom door after double checking that the sign says "females". Don't want to make any mistakes twice...

I get in a stall and use the washroom. When I get out and look at myself in the mirror. Messy. I redo my high ponytail and wash my hands in the cold water. It's undeniably refreshing. I splash the water on my face and use a paper towel to dry it.

I feel the urge to cry but I can't identify why. It's like a part of me is missing and I've been trying to ignore it. I try to avoid time for the thought.

I miss Kirone and my mom. I feel so lonely here. And I'm tired and beat up and I'm not the lowest rank but I'm far from the best.

"No. No crying," I say to my reflection. I breathe in deeply and walk out of the bathroom. I start jogging towards the training room because I'm not sure what time it is.

When I get to the training room, Jared, Cece, and Roxanna are in there. Roxanna is putting bandages on her wrists. Cece and Jared are sitting on a bench to the right of the room. Cece has her head on Jared's shoulder and her eyes are red. Jared's arm is around her. I walk up to them.

"Cece what's wrong?" I ask. She shakes her head, not wanting to say. Jared's mouth is in a fine line as he looks down. I'm not really sure what to do next but I unexpectedly go to the other side of Cece and pat her thigh. "Hey, come on now. What happened?" I say.

She looks at me through her swollen green eyes. Cece takes and deep breath and says, "I got a letter this morning." She pauses and sobs a little. She must've gotten it during breakfast. Unless she wasn't in the dormitory this morning. I actually don't remember seeing them.

"What was it about?" I ask, rubbing her shoulder to comfort her.

"They say my little brother died." She starts contagiously shaking. Cece told me she had two brothers. Now she has only one? How is that even possible? They live in abnegation.

"They say he was 'suspiciously' by the city border and they shot him." She whimpers and sinks into Jared's side. How did her brother get to the gates alone? He was only nine years old! And who could've shot her brother? It takes me an embarrassing amount of time to realize.

The dauntless who stay at the gates did. The people in the faction Cece chose to live with killed her brother. Accident or not, they killed her brother. And now, she had to struggle to be apart of the faction that killed her brother.

Was she considering becoming factionless?
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Sorry I haven't updated in a while.. I've been trying to write a Charlie Puth fanfic!! but I'm not sure if I'm going to release that or not..

Well, anyways, hope this was enjoyable. Thanks for reading! ;)

-DL1