Daunting Fires (Completed)

26- New

10 months later

I scan through the list and when I don't see my name near the first few numbers, I freak out. My stomach drops when I finally see my name, Xedalia Trammers. My name is below all the other names. It's also beneath the yellow line. What have I been so focused on for this past year? Did Eric really stop me from passing initiation? How could I have been so stupid as to not focus on fighting more?

I start sobbing and see Jared, Cece, and Trix celebrating in a huddle. I try to walk towards them but I can't continue forward. It's like I'm frozen. I start yelling, pleading for them to look at me, knowing they won't. I fall to my knees. Darin comes behind me. "I could've been there to help you. But you pushed me away." I sob louder.

Trix's brother Jake says, "Come on, Darin." They pass in front of me and I've never felt so alone.

"Wake up." I feel someone shaking my shoulders. "Wake up, Dhal." I jump up and see Eric's face. It was only a dream. I'm safe in Eric's apartment and nothing else is real."Do you want me to hold you?" Eric asks. I shake my head no. I like how he's comfortable enough to ask now. A year has changed him like that. A year has changed me like that. We can now be there for each other on more emotional levels. Not to mention he met my mom and Kirone, which I thought would make me intensely uncomfortable. It didn't although Mom gave me uncertain looks, probably because she's heard of him. "Ok." He lays back down and puts his arms under his pillow, staring at me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Eric asks hesitantly. He's asking because the other night I didn't want to talk about it, and he was pressuring me to let it off my mind. I ended up yelling at him. Guilt makes me decide to tell him.

"I didn't pass initiation." I look at his hands, which now pull me closer to him on the bed. "And Trix, Jared, and Cece made it. But I didn't." He kisses my forehead.

"I'm sure you'll pass it," Eric encourages. I would have suspected him to know if I made it or not but Eric said Four offered to score me because Eric was most likely to give me advantage points... Besides, I prefer Four scoring my dauntless ability. Eric knows my fear landscape and it has brought us even closer on an emotional level. I want to be scored fair and square.

But knowing that Four sees something going on between us is a little weird. After today, we won't have to hide it as much although I'm sure everyone found out when we were caught drunk together running in the dauntless hallways.

Maybe I do have a chance of passing initiation. I had amazing -almost too amazing- times for my fear landscape. But I only won a little more than half the fights I've fought for the past couple of weeks. Eric told me it was amazing, but I can't be fooled. That's a tad bit more than a 50% grade.

"I'm not sure if I can wait to know any longer."

"You'll find out today, Dhal," Eric replies.

"I like that nick name."

"How corny," he smirks back at me.

"You're an ass." Eric slaps my butt.

I get up and get ready for the "end of initiation" ceremony. Today, all my hard work either pays off or proves I'll never be good enough in Dauntless. I just want to not have to worry anymore, not worry about whether I'll be factionless or if someone discovers I'm divergent. But I know I always have to worry about being caught. Unless I become factionless. It's strange knowing that being factionless could actually make me feel at peace.

When I'm ready, I check the time. I have thirty minutes until I have to head down. Eric already left so I decide to go to the dormitory. If he were here with me, I'd be less tense, I'm sure.