𐌱𐍁𐍂𐍀 the witch

Love in a Glassdome - Pt. 2 The Sinnless Apology

About part two:

8.2K words

Warnings: work problems, professionalism, cut blood, inappropriate touches
Mentions: inner talking, nervousness, irrationality, hopes, annoyance, love, efforts, cozy atmosphere, heat, confession, honesty, determination, letters, different tastes, deep gazes, intimate hug, alcohol, (great) tension, (sudden) warmth, urges, temptatious thoughts, romance

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[ 𝗺𝗲 ]

"𝐷𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘 ℎ𝑒 ℎ𝑎𝑠 𝑎𝑙𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑦 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑 𝑖𝑡?"

- "I don't know.. maybe.. he must have found it at least.. hopefully.."

"𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑠𝑒𝑒𝑚 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑠𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑖𝑡.."

- "One can never be entirely sure about something one can't know.. right?"

I did not even have time to concentrate on this fruitless conversation that was taking place in my head while I tried to explain the levitation charm to a group of first years. Filius had actually split the class in half, so each of us could take care if a smaller group of children. It was a good way to get a first taste of teaching, but unfortunately my mind was still busy with those gnawing questions that I wouldn't be able to answer, no matter how often and long I would think about them.

"𝑊𝑒𝑙𝑙, 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝑚𝑒.. ℎ𝑜𝑤 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝐼 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑠𝑢𝑐ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠? 𝑂ℎ 𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑘, 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑏𝑜𝑦 ℎ𝑎𝑠 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑖𝑡!"

- "I see, yes."

- Very well done! Keep going like this.. and maybe hold your wand a little tighter, this will make it easier to keep the feather up longer.

?: Thank you, professor ... wingardium levio- wingardium leviosa!

All around me more and more feather rose into the air and the conversation in, or better with, my own mind slowly died, while I had to focus more on the students. It was a good thing to get a bit of distraction from all those unanswerable questions and my own hopes and feelings, to put a bit of a distance between me and my thoughts that had almost constantly been revolving around the potions master ever since yesterday morning.

This was unhealthy, for myself and for whatever kind of relationship this was, if there still was one, in between us. He wasn't mine to think about, he wasn't mine to hope for and so it was very welcoming when professor Flitwick announced that he wanted to give me the chance to actually teach some of his classes myself. It was easy with the first and second years, basic spells, nothing that was in any way complicated to explain. Well, not for the mind of a "fully educated" (we never stop learning, therefore we also never are fully educated..) wizard or witch at least, for the eleven year olds, especially for the muggle borns amongst them however, this was a whole new world full of fascination and mystery and somehow this innocent curiousity and fascination was rather contagious.

Without me even really noticing I started smiling as I saw their gleaming eyes. I felt good, happy even, when I saw their progress and success and for the first time ever since I arrived here I actually felt joy about my decision to be a teacher. I hadn't really teached before myself, so this was a whole new experience, a whole new feeling of joy and pride that was rising inside me and even managed to overlay those still slightly confusing feelings of regret, fear and infatuation.It was the right decision, regardless of the incidents with Theodore and my "successful" escape from the Ministry, I felt good with this new job and I started to like it. Maybe this wasn't as much an "escape" as I had thought it would be, maybe it actually was the beginning of something I would be enjoying and see a sense in.

×

-some months earlier-

J: You have to create a separate file for him as well, Lysanna.. you know how it works. One file per person, whether they are married and both accused doesn't matter. One file per person. It has always been like that.

- But it doesn't make sense! Why should I waste time creating another file for a case that is already closed anyway?

J: Please, not again.. why does everything have to make sense for you? Just do it. Create another file, copy the document, put one of the copies in each of the files, connect them and-

- Why?! The case is closed! It's a waste of time and I could already be working on another case in that time, Joan!

J: It's the rules. We have always done it like this and you know that.

- Just because things have always been done like this, doesn't mean it's the best or right way to do it. It's completely inefficient.. people have "always" burned witches in the middle ages, but that still doesn't mean it was right.

J: Oh come on, spare me with those comparisons, we're talking about creating a file and copying some sheets of parchment. It isn't even that much work and by the time we are discussing this you could have already done it twice!

Joan was the one that was in charge for our work quality at the Ministry, every case, every file, every document had to pass through under her eyes and she, being a really stubborn woman in her sixties, wasn't open for any kind of improvement. I had indeed "wasted" lots of time with such discussions, hoping that one day she would actually see my point and would adapt some changes in her outdated system.. Unfortunately finding a unicorn "sunbathing" in the moonlight was easier than changing Joans carved in granit rules.

- That's insane..

Once again I had accepted my defeat and while her lips were graced by a kind of smug grin, I grabbed the documents and walked off, shaking my head in incomprehension over such narrow-mindedness. For Joan those small moments of winning those absolutely pointless arguments were the highlights of her worklife. It gave her a sense of power to tell people off and demand them to stick to her own rules, while the truth was actually sad.. wasn't it pathetic to have such moments as the only moments of success? Wasn't it pathetic to feel superior because of such meaningless "mistakes"?

I did copy the documents and I did create another file for the second accused, but I did it in the constant thinking that I was wasting my time. That this task was absolutely pointless.. again and again and again I did such things just to fulfill her outdated rules and with every single time I questioned myself and the sense behind my work more. Was this really the job I had dreamed of? To follow rules that didn't even make sense or could be explained?! This and many other things led to a high amount of discontent. And feeling discontent with your worklife definitely has a huge impact on your life in general..

×

I was almost feeling a kind of joy and lightness after that day with Filius had come to an end and I would have loved this feeling to last.. forever.. or at least a tad bit longer. Alas, with every step that brought me closer to my own chambers, this light-heartedness made way to the painful regret and the nervousness I had been feeling ever since I left my letter at his door.

"𝐴ℎ, 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑎 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑑𝑎𝑦, 𝑤𝑎𝑠𝑛'𝑡 𝑖𝑡? 𝐴 𝑠ℎ𝑎𝑚𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑒𝑛𝑑 𝑖𝑛 𝑑𝑒𝑠𝑝𝑎𝑖𝑟 𝑛𝑜𝑤. 𝐷𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘 ℎ𝑒 ℎ𝑎𝑠 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑙𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑙𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑦?"

- I still don't know..

"𝐵𝑢𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘 ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑓𝑜𝑙𝑙𝑜𝑤 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑖𝑛𝑣𝑖𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛, 𝑟𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡?"

- I.. I hope so..

"𝐻𝑜𝑝𝑒. 𝐼𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑟𝑎𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑛𝑖𝑠ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑎𝑏𝑙𝑒 𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒, 𝐿𝑦𝑠𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑎.. 𝑎𝑓𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑠𝑒 𝑝𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑓𝑢𝑙 𝑑𝑒𝑓𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑠, 𝑖𝑠𝑛'𝑡 𝑖𝑡? 𝑌𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑎𝑑 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒𝑑 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑜ℎ 𝑠𝑜 𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 𝑖𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑎𝑙𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑦 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑎𝑠 𝑓𝑎𝑟 𝑎𝑠 𝐼 𝑟𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑏𝑒𝑟 𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑠𝑒 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑑𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚𝑠 𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑢𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑐𝑎𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑒.. 𝑠𝑜.. 𝑤ℎ𝑦 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑜𝑛𝑒? 𝐼𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑙𝑖𝑠ℎ 𝑡𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑓𝑜𝑙𝑙𝑜𝑤 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑖𝑛𝑣𝑖𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑎𝑓𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑙𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟, 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘?"

- ...

"𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑠𝑜 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑑 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒𝑠 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 ℎ𝑢𝑟𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑒𝑛𝑑, 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑠𝑒𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠? 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑟𝑔𝑦 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑏𝑎𝑏𝑙𝑦 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛 𝑚𝑒𝑎𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜. 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑝 𝑖𝑡 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑡𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛, 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑏𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑘 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑓𝑟𝑎𝑔𝑖𝑙𝑒 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝑎𝑔𝑎𝑖𝑛, 𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑝𝑢𝑧𝑧𝑙𝑒𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑖𝑒𝑐𝑒𝑠 𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘 𝑡𝑜𝑔𝑒𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟."

- I.. stop it! I think he will come. I'm convinced he will.

"𝐵𝑢𝑡 𝑢𝑛𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑢𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑑𝑜 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑠𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑 𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑑. 𝐴𝑛𝑦𝑤𝑎𝑦, 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑙 ℎ𝑖𝑚? 𝑊ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑑 𝑜𝑓 𝑒𝑥𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑔𝑖𝑣𝑒 ℎ𝑖𝑚? 𝐻𝑜𝑤 𝑑𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑒 ℎ𝑖𝑚?"

- ...

"𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤? 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦? 𝐴𝑙𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑒𝑓𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑦𝑜𝑢'𝑟𝑒 𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑚𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑎𝑦? 𝑂ℎ 𝑑𝑒𝑎𝑟, 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑎 𝑔𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛 𝐼 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑔𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑒𝑑."

- I will find a way! Now shut up, I have to prepare!

Maybe it was foolish to hope, maybe I was a fool to not even be prepared, but how could I explain a situation to him that I wasn't even able to explain to myself? Of course this was a lie. Ever since yesterday morning I tried to make myself believe this lie of not being able to explain, of not knowing why I had reacted like this, while in fact the truth was plainly obvious.

Love. Once again, love and hopes, whether they be foolish or not, was the answer. Of course I was not loving him, I was far from that, but he made me feel like I could love him and that was the reason I was scared.. I was scared to get my fragile heart broken again, scared of having to piece it all back together, scared of the hurt and despair love was bringing with it, scared of making the same mistake again..

But how was I to tell him, a man I only knew since a couple of days, that I was afraid of falling in love with him, because of the heartbreak that might or might not follow. It was impossible to give him any logical explanation, I could just hope that he would understand.

-

I had put great efforts into the preparations for this evening, I had cleaned off the dust from the shelves, I had sorted in the last books, personal belongings and photographs and I had taken a long and hot shower to clean me off all the negative thoughts.

My so called living room looked welcoming, as I entered it from the bedroom. The room was significantly smaller than his quaters, but this also helped to create this welcoming and almost cozy atmosphere. The fire was crackling softly in the fireplace, tinting the room in all shades of warm orange. There was a small brown couch and an not really matching armchair (it still looked as if this none-matching was intended), nicely alligned around a coffee table infront of the fireplace. The ledge above the fireplace was rather crammed with pictures of myself with my parents, or with Minerva, memories of special moments, and other personal items. Maybe this was the most significant difference between my chambers and his. All my crammed shelves told stories, it didn't really look as if I had just moved in, but rather as this was the gathered "chaos" of years.

It wasn't in any way untidy or chaotic, but it told a story of someone living here. The fireplace was framed by two large windows that had just offered me a fantastic view of the sunset, the different shades of colours ranging from bright yellow, over red, orange and purple to a deep blue, had filled the whole room and perhaps this was one of the "features" I loved most about it. I hadn't closed the heavy faded dark red curtains, so the darkness of the night could enter the room just as the sunlight had just done it. Candles were lit in every corner and on the tables and shelves to provide enough light. On the right a door led to my bedroom, while the left side hid a small kitchen area in a niche. A round table that I usually used as a desk and had cleaned off any kind of paperwork for that occassion was standing right infront of the left window, surrounded by four comfortable wooden chairs with soft leather cussions. The room in fact seemed a bit dark, the woodwork was held in dark brown and even though the small patches of wall that were not occupied by shelves of picture frames were white, it didn't really change anything about it. The floor was covered in rugs which's colours could merely be guessed and now that the fire slowly pushed back the cold, I was happy with the results.

The moly plant stood on the window sill right next to the table, so it would get enough sunlight and warmth during the days. Two glasses and a bottle of wine were already decorating the table and would soon be joined by a little bread basket, a bowl of blueberries and a plate with different kind of cheese, grapes and honey..

With every minute that passed, my heartbeat seemed to get louder, almost unbearably loud, echoing in my head like a constant reminder of how nervous I was. I had prepared everything, the room, myself, the food, the wine, the only thing that I still could not prepare for were the words I wanted to tell him. I had to hope that they would come, once he was standing infront of me, once I would be drowning in his dark lakes of eyes, once I- ..a foolish hope maybe, but sometimes hope is the only thing that we have left.

-

I was just cutting the still warm bread, when I heard the knock on the door. I flinched rather heavily and cut my finger which caused me to curse quietly. The cut wasn't deep and I was way too nervous to feel pain now, but it was still bleeding and a few drops of blood made it to the floor unnoticed. Why now?! Couldn't that have happened earlier?! Or even better, not at all?!I quickly reached for a paper towel and wrapped it around my finger to stop it from bleeding, while I hastily rushed to the door. My heart was racing, my hands were trembling and my mind was strangely blank. I took a last deep breath and tried to straighten my clothes and hair, before I finally opened the door, the paper towel still wrapped around my left index finger.

"𝐷𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑚𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑖𝑡 𝑢𝑝!"

I slowly reached for the handle and pressed it down, time seemed to have stopped in this moment and every splitsecond was passing infront of my eye like a whole eternity. It took ages, before I had pressed the doorhandle far enough to hear the familiar klicking sound. Pulling the door open took even longer and before I could actually see him, a weird certainty settled in my mind. I knew it was him, just by the way he had knocked, even without having him heard knocking ever before. But this was neither Minerva's, nor Theodore's knock, so there only was one option.

He had indeed read my letter and he had decided to come and give me this chance. Even though I was nervous beyond measure, it felt almost a bit relieving to know that I would at least get a chance..

"𝐷𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑚𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑖𝑡 𝑢𝑝!" - the voice constantly repeated in my head like a mantra.

My eyes met Severus' dark eyes, they seemed just as expressionless as they had been on our first encounter and it hurt me to see this. But how could it be any different, after I had cruely cut those soft ties we had tied so carefully. I didn't know whether I should smile or not, whether I should be happy or afraid, whether I-

"𝐷𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑚𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑖𝑡 𝑢𝑝! 𝑆𝑎𝑦 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔! 𝐺𝑟𝑒𝑒𝑡 ℎ𝑖𝑚, 𝑙𝑒𝑡 ℎ𝑖𝑚 𝑖𝑛, 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔! 𝐷𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑒. 𝐿𝑦𝑠𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑎!!"

This was the kind of wake-up call I had needed to snap back into reality from my paralysis. I made room for him and gestured him to enter, before I closed the door behind him. I would have to say something, he came to hear my explanation and so I better give it to him. I took a last deep breath and gathered my thoughts, ignoring those slight feelings of infatuation and excitement that were mixing up with the nervousness to create a paralysing mixture.

- Good evening.. thank you for coming, Severus. I..

I did not give him much of a chance to say something or change his mind and leave again, the words just came to me.. just as I had hoped for and I wanted to get them out as fast as possible, before my chance would be gone. My right hand was still tightly holding the paper towel around my finger, but to be honest I had already forgotten about it, now that I was looking into his dark eyes.

- Feel free to take a seat, if you would like.. I.. I want to sincerely apologise for my rude behaviour yesterday. I know that I might have hurt or offended you, but it was never my intention to do so, unfortunately I realised the consequences of my own actions only too late and then I did not find the guts to come to see you earlier. I.. I don't know what Theodore might have told you after I left, I know that he had talked to you, he tried to tell me, but he didn't get far.. I can only imagine that he tried to make you believe that.. that I just have weird moods and am hard to deal with? That I still have feelings for him? That I want him back? That I am a naive girl, who doesn't know what she wants.. I don't know, but that's the kind of lies he had told everyone in the Ministry at least.. None of it is true.

A soft sigh escaped my lips and I looked away for a second, feeling as if all those words wouldn't be enough in the end. This wasn't enough to convince someone, this wasn't personal enough. If I really wanted to convince him, I would have to let down my guard and actually tell him how I was feeling, tell him about my thoughts, about my fears, but for someone who has never really dealt with expressing such personal feelings to a "stranger" this was easier to say than to do. But did I trust him enough? It was the only chance I had, but it could also get me even more hurt..

- I don't even know how to explain to you, why I acted like this.. I.. I was afraid.. I am afraid.. I'm..There was a bit of desperation to be heard in my voice and I couldn't really stand to look at him, while I was seriously debating with myself whether I should or should not give him this amount of trust in advance.

- Severus, none of this was your fault.. I really enjoyed this evening with you, your company and our

conversations, and I would definitely look forward to more of such evenings, as I enjoy having someone who actually.. understands and is interested.. in me and my thoughts.. yesterday morning, when you told Theodore off, I was flattered.. you.. you're doing way too much for me, I am sorry that you have to deal with him and his jealousy.. that's not fair.. well..

So I was really doing it? I was really going to tell him the plain truth? I could only hope that he wouldn't use this in any way to his advantage, but he wasn't like that anyway, was he?
Meanwhile I had managed to look back into his obsidian eyes. They still showed no expression, which made me feel like I was losing more and more with every second. I did not know, whether my words would make sense to him or not, I did not know whether he even wanted to understand or not and not being able to tell anything from his expression was making it even harder. I could be making a total fool out of myself right now without even noticing it.

- ...the reason why I had to leave was that I felt things that confused me. Things that I haven't felt in ages and things that I simply wasn't prepared for.. I was frightened in a way. Theodore has hurt me beyond any measure.. it might have been my own fault, but he had broken me and even though I have not given up my hopes to find love, I am still afraid to experience something like this again.. I'm not prepared to get hurt like this again. Do you know, why I asked you if you believe in love?

I was looking at him kind of expectantly, hopefully, only waiting for his eyes or lips to give away the slightest hint of what was happening behind those thick walls of solid stone, but there was nothing. Like a statue he was standing in front of me, tall and intimidating. I would tell him, I needed to, even if this would strip me off any guard I had left. I would be naked in the most vulnerable way, mentally naked, exposed to him.

It was hard to fight back the tears, that wanted to show in my eyes so desperately, issued by the heavy knot in my guts that was weighing down my whole existence and that just got heavier with every word I uttered. Wasn't this exactly what I was afraid for? This awkward realisation that someone would be able to crush my fragile heart with ease? If his strong hands would want to crush my heart, it wouldn't even take him the slightest bit of effort. But couldn't those hands also protect this fragile heart of mine?!

- It's because.. because I need to know if those things that I have started to feel in your company will end up hurting me.. Don't tell me I'm a fool, I already know that myself, but I can't change my thoughts and the way my heart beats a bit faster in your presence.. I.. I really regret what happened yesterday and I would like to get to know you better.. you.. you're a fascinating man.

That aforementioned heart was now racing in my chest, threatening to explode, while I felt strangely cold and empty, as if any kind of feelings had just left my body. I was just waiting for the pain, for the shattering silence that would leave me in pieces once more. It might have been his "expressionless expression", it might have been the fact that I was entirely naked in front of someone who was something in between a stranger and a friend, or just my own realisation that all this might not have been enough to actually convince him.

There we stood now, two humans, each holding the cut off ends of those flimsy bonds in hands that could either be thrown away or tied back together now.. but this decision was no longer laying in my trembling hands.

"𝑌𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑖𝑡 𝑢𝑝, 𝐿𝑦𝑠𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑎. 𝑇ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑤𝑎𝑠𝑛'𝑡 𝑒𝑛𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ. 𝑌𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑡. 𝑌𝑜𝑢'𝑟𝑒 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑝𝑜𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑒𝑠𝑠. 𝑌𝑜𝑢'𝑟𝑒 𝑎 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑙, 𝐿𝑦𝑠𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑎.. 𝑎 𝑠𝑡𝑢𝑝𝑖𝑑 𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑙𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑙.. 𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑛𝑜 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒 𝑙𝑒𝑓𝑡."

[ @solarvig ]

He didn't want honey, he wanted oceans.

Severus was looking at her for a long time, he seemed to be really listening but not hearing. Analyzing her words was somehow difficult for him now, as if his brain had evaporated or baked inside his skull. He never sat down even if he had her kind invitation to do so, no, he didn't. He had his hands behind his back as he listened, the teachery way that he usually did.

He didn't want to show up here and watch her explain herself to him as if she was one of his students, she was a mature intelligent woman and her worry had no place in this living room in his opinion. He wanted it to be a dialogue between the two of them, but her nervousness was making her talk, and he had nothing to do but listen as if this was a confession of sin to a priest.And her every next word was playing a part of a harbinger of something deep in her soul that was tormenting her, some most likely strange feelings for her, feelings that she didn't want to accept, maybe because she was afraid, as she said.

But it was her last words that paralyzed him in his place, hands clasped behind his back like an officer playing the part of a priest. Her last words.

×

"Dear Professor Snape,

if that's how you want to be called. I miss you, dear professor. When will we see each other, and will we see each other at all? Time has passed, though Severus. How many years? Soon even my children will start school, I have children, yes. One boy and one girl. They are twins. It's as if they cut off their father's head, they look so much like Gazini... You know that reminded me. A week or so ago, I thought, just like that while looking at their faces - what if they were yours? What would they look like if these children were yours... If they had your dark and so sometimes dangerously-cruel eyes, your thin lips, because they are, you know, that part of you that just completes your perfect appearance, even if I don't know what you look like now. If only they had your hair, for example, your courage and honor, dignity...

But anyway, Severus. This letter is a little more serious than the kind of letters I keep writing you. I found out something that shocked me, and I wish I couldn't believe it, but somehow I understand what you are doing it for. Are you really a death eater? What are you aiming for? For having your head cut? To be stupid as hell not to understand the risks and the danger, but you see them and do it anyway. I talked to Albus, and he told me you're a spy. I know why you're doing it, for whom... But Severus, I don't want to see you dead before I've seen you alive at least one more time in our lives. Because if you haven't forgotten, we haven't seen each other in over ten years. We haven't seen each other since we were nineteen, I... I'm a woman, I have children. And you're older, too. Do you have a wife? No stream of personal information about your life is flowing anywhere, and Albus's mouth is sewn shut in your protection. Are you that confidential to me that I can't know what's going on with you? Do you so enjoy watching me struggle to save a friendship long dead and buried by us. Pardon - buried by me because I realize it was my fault and mine alone.

But... To hell with you! You coward! I want you to hug me, and I want to tell you what an asshole you are for being so selfish and not thinking about those who love you. But Severus, you only have one life. And I will see you at least once more in your life before you die, I promise you. And then you won't be able to justify yourself. Until then - keep your life a secret from me, go ahead. We will see each other. And I will see a real man, I know, not a nineteen-year-old boy who made an easy choice because of his ego. Do you still have that ego? You are offended, but why? Because you knew you could've taken me, but you let me go in the arms of another man. If you loved me, of course. But it seems it was just sex. And surely you realize that this isn't everything in life. So be thankful we don't have children. No matter how perfect they would be if they were yours, because 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗮 𝗳𝗮𝘀𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗮𝗻...

Always yours,Roselyn Cortazar."

Right on "to hell with you." the letter was wet, and the ink had smudged in a ugly way, creating a picture of sadness. She'd cried while writing the letter, and yet her love wasn't real, it was just a mirror reflecting her lack of that feeling for Severus. She didn't want him, and surely she wouldn't want him now that he wasn't young, she wanted the memory of him. And why didn't this woman give up?

As she said "To be stupid as hell not to understand" but she could see that it was in vain. He wasn't just offended, he took it as a mockery, hurting his still-young dignity and sense of self-preservation. He was mocked. His love was mocked.

Or at least that's how he felt about what happened, which wasn't pleasant for him at all. But that was already past, yes he'd like to see her one day but he didn't want to see her... He was torn in his thoughts, and he didn't know if he wanted the honey in her eyes.

It wasn't so sweet anymore... That honey wasn't sweet anymore, but it was a prison for empty souls, his, hers, and her husband's, who had not the slightest idea of ​​his wife's infidelity. Gazini was never a man who wouldn't accept infidelity, but he was definitely a man who would disappear into some other magical world for months until he forgave.

He was a strange man, stranger than Professor Sedemann, and more mysterious than Severus himself. And yet they were never friends. They just got along, because of Rose. There would never be friendship where love triangles were tied. Forbidden. And lost their taste a long time ago.

×

"...and the way my heart beats faster in your presence." The woman had just told him that she had some romantic and intimacy-related feelings for him. She herself didn't seem to understand them yet, she knew that the two of them didn't know each other well enough for love, but goddamnit, he felt the same way as he'd so explicitly mentioned in his letter, which was currently releasing gentle but clear sad tears, wanting to be read by the woman.

The potions master's gaze dropped down to her hands, the first time in the past few minutes that he'd noticed the paper towel around her finger. Something had obviously happened, the most reasonable explanation was that she'd most likely cut herself.

𝗨𝗽. His eyes met her lips for exactly two seconds, they were young and wild, so heartedly, strongly longed by the teacher's ones.

𝗗𝗼𝘄𝗻. Her shoulders were beautiful, made just for his caresses and no one else's.

𝗨𝗽 𝗮𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻. 𝗛𝗲 𝗱𝗶𝗱𝗻'𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘆, 𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗼𝗰𝗲𝗮𝗻𝘀...

𝗗𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗮𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻. She needed help with not just her finger, but the bulleted words and feelings that came out so sincerely from the feeries hiding in her lips. The feeries he wanted to see more closely, to taste, to enjoy with all the love he could give. Why did he stand there as if frozen instead of doing something, saying something? Like he was that easily broken by a woman?

But here was the truth - he was easily broken. But what was Severus like? He was just a subdued man who had come to terms with the fact that no woman would want him as he was. He was weak, he had always been weak in front of women, and if she felt naked right now, he was feeling weak, and his strong hand couldn't hurt her even if she wanted to think that way. But he didn't want to... He didn't want that.

"[𝐵𝑢𝑡 𝐼 𝑐𝑎𝑛'𝑡 𝑏𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝔣𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑 𝑒𝑖𝑡𝔥𝑒𝑟, 𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑏𝑎𝑑𝑙𝑦... 𝔣𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑦𝑠𝑒𝑙𝔣] 𝑇𝔥𝑎𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑤𝔥𝑦 𝐼 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝔣𝑖𝑛𝑑 𝑖𝑡 𝑛𝑒𝑐𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑎𝑟𝑦 𝑡𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑟𝑜𝑜𝑚 𝑡𝑜𝑛𝑖𝑔𝔥𝑡, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐼 𝑤𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒, 𝔣𝑜𝑟 𝑤𝔥𝑖𝑐𝔥 𝐼 𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑎𝑝𝑜𝑙𝑜𝑔𝑖𝑧𝑒 - 𝐼 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝔥𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑡𝔥𝑒 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑜𝔣𝔣𝑒𝑛𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑤𝑒𝑙𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠." But he was there, wasn't he? In front of the woman, in whose eyes tears were swelling from nervousness and maybe love, from maybe, oh, fear that he will leave her. But in truth, at no moment would he leave her alone after such a confession.

That's why when after a solid five long, longer than time itself, minutes he slowly approached her, standing in all his manly glory, she seemed somewhat small compared to his massive body and dark appearance. His eyes hadn't softened and were still as expressionless as they'd been minutes before. It was as if he was fully prepared to kill her, but that was far from the man's intentions.

For maybe a second, the urge to kiss her hit him like a torpedo, turning him into a sinking lonely ship, but he held back. That kiss was still forbidden. But that touch wasn't. - The same strong hands that had made her breakfast, the same hands that ever so slightly touched her shoulder yesterday morning, landed directly on her waist and pulled her closer to him, a bit roughlyperhaps, so that at least their stomachs touched, even if it was just through their attires.

He never said anything. Didn't peel a word. It was as if this man was mute, as if he were both deaf and blind, and he practically was, for being in her company he always lost a clear idea of ​​what and who he was. And he was far from just a subdued man, right? In her eyes, it seemed, he was much more than that.

The same eyes he now looked into, him maintaining his "no facial cues" face, but some sparks were flying in his eyes, perhaps even barely discernible behind the facade of coldness on the face and fire in the hands, which were slowly snaking up, making their way up her back before wrapping her in a slightly different kind of hug - like a special hug, a little more intimate than a normal one.

For at least a minute, they stood like that in an embrace that she never returned, but he didn't need it. All he needed was to encourage her, calm and tame her feelings, make sure she was okay, and that she wasn't so nervous anymore. He wanted to stop her tears, to stop the blood that flowed from the finger, if it hadn't already stopped long ago. He wanted to be close, wanted physical touch with this woman, and the warmth of some unspoken words, knowing that for both of them, it was the only right choice for the moment.

His steps were slow but well-measured as he slowly was making his way with her to her couch. He'd seen the wine and the bread. And the honey and the blueberries... She'd prepared all of this, herself even for him, for a man who didn't even deserve her, who didn't deserve her beauty, nor her soul, nor her honest mind... Yet somehow, it seems he managed to win them over, maybe the same way by which she won his. And it was a good thing that it was dark and that they didn't have to look at each other or talk to each other to simply feel, and he wanted to feel her. At least at such a distance - "exiled." Because, in reality, there was no space between them when their chests were touching. All the way to the couch, he never allowed himself to abuse that hug.

His hands stayed like statuettes on her back, and his eyes half-closed to still be able to see the surroundings, and when he reached the couch... He pulled her in with him and sat her on his lap, took her hand in his, carefully with attention unfolded the paper towel... The blood had stopped, but the one inside, was boiling like a potions cauldron. Apparently, he managed to calm her down, and now maybe it was his turn to speak? When there was nothing left but the words to be spoken in response to her beautiful confession to him.

- I do believe in love. - was the only thing his lips could "muster out" of all the other things in his head. His voice still deep and heavy, but somehow pleasant and calm with hints of honesty and care behind it...

His hand reached across the table and gripped the glass bottle of wine. The cork flew out and he caught it before it could even reach the ceiling as Severus opened the bottle, then drenched the paper towel with a small amount of the fine wine, using it as a direct source of alcohol to relieve her more this very night.

But he said nothing more, at least not for the five minutes of silence while he treated the wound with love and affection, care and attention to even the smallest flinch, a bit fatherly of him to do so, but in their case however as pure that action seemed, it wasn't so pure after they both had a thing going on in between them. And at the same time, unbeknownst to the man, his letter had escaped and fallen from his pocket on the couch, had even hid between the narrow main crease, perhaps to be found by the woman afterwards? No one knew...

[ 𝗺𝗲 ]

"𝐴𝑐𝑐𝑒𝑝𝑡 𝑖𝑡. 𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑛𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒. 𝐷𝑜𝑒𝑠 ℎ𝑒 𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑘 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑑𝑠 ℎ𝑎𝑑 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑑 ℎ𝑖𝑚? 𝐷𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑙𝑦 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑢𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑢𝑙 𝑏𝑙𝑎𝑐𝑘 𝑙𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑒𝑦𝑒𝑠 𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑘, 𝑎𝑠 𝑖𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑎𝑑 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑑 ℎ𝑖𝑚? 𝐻𝑖𝑠 𝑏𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑢𝑎𝑔𝑒, 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔, 𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑠𝑒, 𝑡𝑒𝑚𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑑. 𝐴𝑐𝑐𝑒𝑝𝑡 𝑖𝑡, 𝐿𝑦𝑠𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑎, 𝑦𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒.. 𝑎𝑔𝑎𝑖𝑛. 𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑝𝑜𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑒𝑠𝑠. 𝑀𝑎𝑦𝑏𝑒 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑖𝑠𝑛'𝑡 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢. 𝐴𝑐𝑐𝑒𝑝𝑡 𝑖𝑡, 𝑙𝑒𝑡 ℎ𝑖𝑚 𝑔𝑜. 𝑆𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑒 ℎ𝑖𝑚 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑑𝑒𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛. 𝐻𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑒𝑠𝑛'𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑠𝑒 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑑𝑠. 𝐴 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑟𝑒, 𝑚𝑦 𝑑𝑒𝑎𝑟, 𝑎 𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑟𝑖𝑏𝑙𝑒 𝑛𝑎𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑙.."

Had time actually stopped? My mind was completely blank, no more words where inside this worry troubled head of mine. It almost seemed like my mind had already accepted the defeat and left, while my soul, heart and body where still trapped in this inevitable prospect of despair.My heart that was beating so desperately fast, pumping the painfilled blood through my veins, so this crushing feeling of defeat was soon in every cell of my body. My soul that was so desperately longing for a connection with the only other remaining soul in this room. But time had stopped and while the seconds did not pass, time was measured by heartbeats, blinks and breaths.

Breaths that were deep, yet did not nearly provide enough air. Everytime I raised my chest to suck in the oxygen filled air, it got heavier, slower. One breath took around 30 heartbeats and one blink of those oceans. Oceans with tides and waves made of salty tears. - But were not all oceans made of salty tears? The tears of a planet that was in pain, suffering from the impact of the human beings, more and more tears adding up, causing the levels of those endless oceans to rise, until land and humans would be drowned by those desperate tears.. - Who was that man that he was able to have such an impact on me, without even doing or saying anything?

His silence was the heaviest thing to carry, his eyes were the darkest thing to look at, even darker than the night's darkness outside, as the nightsky was still illuminated by stars and the moon that told stories, while in his eyes there were no stars and no moon and no stories, just solid obsidian.

Time had stopped, the world was frozen and the cold was slowly creeping up my naked and unguarded body too, a dangerous kind of cold, painful, powerful, insidious and strong enough to freeze salty oceans. However those oceans still could observe, even though the rest of my body was already frozen. And they did observe, they observed the movements of the obsidian marbles in his head that where darting up and down, seemingly completely unimpressed that time had stopped and the world was freezing. Did this cold have no impact on him?

With growing fear my blue eyes watched him, as he approached me. I could not move, I could not speak, all I could do was watch and hope that the freezing cold would somehow dampen the pain he would give me now. But wouldn't frozen things shatter even more easily? I did not know and I could not think about it, as my mind had already accepted and left the scene.

And suddenly there was warmth, issued by his hands on my waist and my frozen to the spot body was suddenly pulled like a puppet into a hug that was not painful at all, but soft, warm and sheltering. Breathing suddenly felt too easy, too much oxygen was reaching my frozen lungs now. My frozen heart was slowly melting by his warmth, pumping the heated blood through my frozen veins excitedly and with steadily increasing pace. The cold was fought back, it slowly vanished and I could feel again. Feel his hands on my back, warm, big, strong. Oh how small and fragile I was compared to him, but I was no longer feeling fragile, I was no longer feeling pain, I was feeling nothing but warmth now and while he lead me over to the couch, my deserted mind came creeping back up on all fours, rueful and scolded.

"𝑌𝑜𝑢.. 𝑦𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑟𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡. 𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑠𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑦, 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑦 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑑𝑠 𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑤𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔. 𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑠 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒. 𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑎𝑙𝑤𝑎𝑦𝑠 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒.."

Not once I turned my gaze away from his eyes and the longer I stared at the solid obsidian surface, the more I could make out tiny flickering stars behind it, as if the glassy stone was holding an orb filled with an entire universe. It might either way have been the reflections of the stars outside, but for now I wanted to believe my version of things and my mind had no intentions on trying to convince me of the opposite for now. I did not resist his hands and held out my "hurt" hand patiently.

It didn't even hurt, the bleeding had stopped long ago, but still I was too paralysed in fascinating of the amount of care he offered me. He touched my hand ever so lightly, as if it was something fragile and precious, he seemed fully concentrated on what he was doing, on his "task" that seemed to be taking care of that small cut on my finger.

"I do believe in love," his words echoed in my head now that my own little imaginary voice had fallen silent. "I do believe in love," again and again and there were so many things on my mind that I could have answered, above all "I know". I did know the answer to my question ever since I felt his hands on my waist. He did believe in love and now I did not only know it, but I could feel it, in his touch, in his care, in the amount of attention he was giving me.

The wine burned slightly on my finger, as the alcohol reached the cut flesh, but I did not flinch or wince, not while he was so careful and gentle, not while I was drowning slowly in the details of his features, his black as his eyes hair, his light skin, his profile that seemed to be shaped after the model of an ancient emperor that was only remembered as a marble statue. He was attractive in his very own fascinating way. Maybe he wasn't handsome compared to the standards accepted by society, but in my ocean eyes the man in front of me right now was handsome. But I did not care much for looks anyway, it was the mind and soul that was important and even though his soul was still like a stranger to me, his perspicatious mind was pure temptation in my eyes.

And so were his lips right now, the thin lines that had not moved much ever since he had uttered those few words. My eyes had caught on them, I knew how they would taste after wine and blueberries, but imagining how they would taste now, pure and free of all poisonous impact, was impossible. And however tempting the thought of just leaning in and tasting those forbidden lips was, I would not do it, as it was forbidden.

He was not mine to kiss.. right?

He wasn't, but if he would have had the same thoughts I would have been his to be kissed by those lips, I would not have resisted, but simply melted into this forbidden temptation. How would it feel? His hands holding me carefully, but with an undeniable hint of longing in his grip, my own fingers holding on to him tightly, feeling the tempting warmth of his skin with my fingertips, caressing his neck and the refined shoulders that are hidden away under black fabric, his soft black hair tingling my cheeks, while the feeling of his breath brushing over my skin would send the sweetest of all shivers over my skin.. oh.. my.. those bittersweet thoughts.I snapped back to reality, as I realised the obsidian lakes were fixed on me once again. He was done with his careful treatment and the awkward moment of "being caught" dreaming about such forbidden temptations made my cheeks blush slightly, now that I fixed my gaze back onto his eyes.

As beautiful as the silence in between us was, as beautiful as those tempting thoughts and dreams were, it did no good to only dwell on dreams.. The silence was in need to be broken to bring those two people, that were close enough to touch each other, back closer together in an interlectual way. And while his temptatious lips still did not move, I opened mine to fill the surrounding silence once again with my voice that now was much calmer and softer than it had been before. There was no longer any sign of desperation or fear in my voice.

- Thank you..

Two simple words that weren't this simple, when you think about the things that were needed to say them. I did not only thank him for taking care of this cut, but furthermore for listening to my words and not leaving after hearing them. For the chance he had offered me, despite all pain I might have caused him.

- Did.. did the moly plant reach you as well? I.. I have kept one for myself as well, as I think it is indeed a pretty little plant.

My eyes moved to the window sill, where the small plant was looking out into the darkness of the night. It felt a bit weird to try and start a conversation, while I was still sitting on his lap, a place where I did not yet belong to, no matter how right it had felt just now. But I could not simple stand up, right? I didn't even want to..

- May I offer you a glass of this wine, now that you have already opened the bottle?

It was more than obvious that I was a little overwhelmed by this whole situation, not in any negative way though, I did not feel any need to run away from those feelings again, not now after I had confessed my "sins" to him, but I still didn't really know how to deal with it and maybe in this moment I indeed was this slightly lost girl that everyone else seemed to see in me.

-

Meanwhile a set of four pink paws covered in long lilac fur silently leaped up into the air, only to land on the white sheets with elegance and surprise. The bed was empty, but so was the living room, the bathroom and also the classroom of his master. For the cat's feline mind this did not make much sense, but being a cat Smeagol also didn't care to much about it, as he had been left with food and a whole empty bed to get comfortable in. What else, but maybe some warm caresses and a bit of love, would a cat be able to wish for.

While he stretched his feline body on the white sheets, his claws slightly scratching the fabric and leaving tiny wholes that would not even be noticed, he thought back to the previous night. This woman had been nice to him, her hands were soft and her lap had been warm and comfortable to sleep on. Maybe it was due to his old age that he just decided to like her, even though he did not like many of the other humans that filled 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘭𝘦. She seemed to be different and it was a shame that his master had send her away.. but why had the 𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘰𝘵 then cared as he had come home with her smell?

All those thing did not make sense to the cat, who's mind slowly drifted of to a deep sleep, the body curled into a round ball of fur right in the middle of 𝘩𝘪𝘴 bed. Maybe he would go and try to find that woman again.. in 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘭𝘦, maybe he could enjoy both her and his caresses and maybe he could even find a way to convince 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘰𝘵 master to invite her again, as even Smeagol could sense that this man sometimes needed to get caressed too. And even if the love of an animal was the purest of all, sometimes it still just wasn't enough...