DEEP BREATHS | lando norris

CHAPTER 21

LANDO

Now I know how Ilma must have felt then. When I arrived with Maria to the paddoc. Because I feel pretty much the same how  she felt. On the first time I see her after the accident is her laughing at some guy's joke. Then they kiss. And the fact that I know that guy is even worse.

Fabio Quartararo.

But with every second that passes I think of it more. I think of what has been on my mind for very long time.

She would never love me. She is not that stupid.

I smirk under my nose at my own thought, even though I know I'm right. No matter how much I would want her we could never be together. The worse is that I realised I have hated her because she made me feel things I have never felt before. And I was scared of feeling them. I didn't wanted to. Not because of her. We were rivals, enemies even, right? Then why the fuck it had to be her I had to fall for?

Even now, that I see her in other man's arms she makes me feel things. And I don't like it. I want it to stop before I could get destroyed and shattered into pieces. Because I have never been scared of anything the way I'm scared of placing my feelings in someone and them not loving me back. I'm scared of being hurt that much that I couldn't be able to stich myself up, forget and move on.

"Lando, mate!" I hear Oscar before I see him. After a moment he appears in my eye sight, pulling me into a quick welcome-hug. "How are you, huh?"

"Good, slowly recovering. I have a few pieces of metal in my arm now." I raise up my hand slowly, showing the stiches to Oscar and he watches them with probably the most unbothered face expression. That is why he has gained his nickname of Kimi Jr. Because he is literally Kimi's little version.

"Wanted to watch me race or to see her?" he asks me, when we start walking down the paddoc to McLaren's garage. I don't have to ask him who he means because it is clear enough that I understand it without any explanation. I just ask "For how long you knew?"

"Probably before you." he shrugs off his shoulders. Now, I look at him confused. "Remember when you have helped her with the panic attack?"

Of course I remember. How could I forget. I remember it all too well.

"That's when I have first noticed a slight difference in how you talked about her and with her. You weren't so mad when anybody mentioned her. You were calm. Chill. But then you stopped talking about her at all and I thought that whatever was here dropped dead. I asked her out because I thought that there could be something. We had good conversations with her on the paddoc so I though that maybe..." he stops and takes a breath. "But it didn't work out. Not that I have counted on anything more."

We are closer and closer to the place that they were standing at. I have been fighting my urgue to look over at them, to look at her and see if she is happy with him.

"Then you started acting out... Differently... And I have heard from your parents that the first thing you have said after you woke up was 'Ilma'. That's why Maria dumped you, right?" Oscar looks over at me but I don't even clench my jaw or fists. I feel like the break up didn't really feel like a break up. I actually haven't felt a lot when I did that.

"I dumped her." I answer him and my breath catches when I notice Ilma being now just mere meters away from me. It seems that she has heard that. But her face is telling me that she is more confused with me being on the paddoc rather than saying out loud that I'm back to being single.

"Lando?" I hear her voice and God. How I have missed it. I turn around to look at her. She is okay. No scar, no bruise on her face fron the accident. I sigh out with relief.