Salvation | Severus Snape

Chapter 25 - Revealed

Hey Severus,
It's funny how I'm writing this to you right after we were just together. If Albus gave this to you, I'm sorry to say that I must not have made it. If you're wondering, the other letter sets went to Remus, Sirius, Minerva and Rosmerta, the other ones who I have been close with. There are so many thoughts I never expressed to you in person and I'm sure you had many unanswered questions, so I thought it would only be fair if you got the answers you needed. You're an idiot, you know. You're stubborn, impatient and judgemental. You always make situations the most difficult they can be... it's actually amazing that you ended up staying by my side when I asked you to.

I've always had a weak immune system and constantly got sick when I was young. I did attend Hogwarts until my third year. If you're wondering, I was a Hufflepuff — really fit for a counsellor, right? But the doctors diagnosed me with a rare disease early on, and I was in and out of the hospital constantly, so not many remember me. Soon, the visits became too frequent from my condition worsening and I was taken into the hospital in my third year. That's why you don't remember me.

I still remember the first time I met you. It was in the library, when my clumsy second-year self crashed into you. I wasn't in a good emotional state that day, having heard my parents secretly cry about my condition the night before. The sheer impact of our collision broke me down to tears. I'm so sorry, it must've been overwhelming and confusing for you. But you sat next to me as we picked up the books we were carrying, and stayed to help me with my potions essay, which was my excuse for my sadness. I was so grateful, it really helped me calm down. From that day on, I began to notice you everywhere. You were always with Lily, you two were practically inseparable and it wasn't hard to tell that you were completely smitten by her. I admired you, but it was clear there was no room in your life for anyone else, so I lost hope of becoming closer to you — I was three years below you, so there was nothing much we could do together anyway.

There were two more times that I interacted with you. Both were in Hogsmeade. The first of the two was in my second year during the Christmas holiday (I know, you're only allowed from third year onwards, but I was an exception). I went into the bookstore after coming back from a doctor visit, and there you were, staring longingly at a shelf of Dark Arts books. I noticed how you only had a few Knuts. And then, your attention went to the Potions section. You kept running your finger along a certain book — the Advanced Potions Making book. Then I asked, what was your favourite subject? You replied with Potions, so I decided immediately to gift you that book. Yep, that anonymous present was from me. It's funny how all the times we met, I was unstable. I had you accompany me back to the school in case something happened, and it was really nice, you know. I learned you were a half-blood, that your family never celebrated holidays, that you were interested in that Dark Arts because you wanted to 'show Potter that you were a million times stronger than him'. It felt like you really needed someone to talk to that day, and I'm glad it was me.

The other time was actually after my hospitalisation, when I visited Hogsmeade again with the help of a walking stick. You may not have perceived me as the same girl. That was the day I found you and Lily's spot, the one with the pear trees, because I saw you go inside. Later, I was informed it was after she stopped being friends with you. You looked so lonely and lost, I wanted so desperately to reach out and help. I wished I could save you from the pain. I wished I could stop your suffering. Such an unrealistic thought — when I actually came up to you, you refused to talk to me and left. But I'll never forget that hint of sadness and longing in your eyes. All these moments, they just made me more and more drawn to you.

What broke my heart most during my years at Hogwarts, though, was the relentless way you were bullied by the Marauders. It was always at least two against one, those cowards! Honestly, they were just jealous and insecure, I suppose. It's really unfortunate they had to take it out on you, especially James. You didn't deserve to be treated that way. On behalf of my brother and his friends, I'd like to apologise for their actions.