Selfless Love Book 1(Kid X F!Reader X Killer)

Chapter 19: Broken Trust and Promises Part 3

(A/n: please reread the previous 2 chapters before reading this one. We have rewritten them to help with the storyline better. Please and thank you!)

Main story

Killer sat next to where you laid on one of the beds in the recovery room covered by a thick blanket, holding your hand in both of his with his forehead pressed against your limp fingers. He barely breathed, wanting to hear each of your steady breaths as you slept. His body shook with the fading adrenaline, the after effect of the past couple of hours in which he helped Doc tend to your wounds, watching the older man stitching, cauterizing and repairing what damage he could. You were stable now, your color starting to return but fear still gripped him. They almost lost you tonight, and that thought made him hold your hand tighter.

"She'll pull through."

Killer looked over at Doc through his bangs from the corner of his eye seeing the older man drying his hands on a clean towel, his face reflecting the exhaustion he felt. Doc looks from you to him, giving a small reassuring smile.

"Our girl's a tough one. It was touch and go for a bit, but she made it through the worst of it. Her color has already greatly improved. Her breathing is steady and even. I'll keep her sedated, and she'll need to stay here for a few days for observation, but you can go clean up and rest."

"I'm not leaving," Killer says, his voice a soft whisper as he presses a kiss to your fingers. "She still needs me."

"She needs to rest now, as do you." Doc lets out a soft sigh and steps over, resting his hand on Killer's shoulder and giving a squeeze. "You can't take care of her if you don't take care of yourself."

"I'm scared to let her go." Killers admission has him lowering his forehead to your hand once more as he takes a deep uneven breath. "Scared to leave her side. You say she's okay now, but is she? I almost lost her, Doc. I don't want to leave."

"Then how about I sit with her while you at least go and clean up. You've still got blood on you and your pants are ruined. Clean yourself up, get something to eat, and you can come back."

Killer thinks for a few moments before sighing with a nod. Doc was right; he was a mess. Your blood still stained his skin and his pants were ruined by your blood and when you threw up on him. He didn't care then, but it felt gross now that his attention was drawn to it. He kisses your hand again before standing, leaning over to kiss your forehead looking down at your peaceful albeit bruised and swollen face.

"I'll be back, Butterfly. I love you."

He gives Doc another glance and a small nod before leaving the infirmary. It was late, the crew aside from the night watch in their bunks by now so he met an empty deck as he made his way down to his room. Flipping on the light he winced seeing his crumpled bedding with a dried patch of blood on the blanket with a trail leading back to the bathroom. Swallowing thickly he stripped his bed, setting the soiled sheets aside before entering the bathroom. The light was still on letting him see the mess that was left in their hurry. Abandoned bloodied rags and towels. His shirt, which was laying in a discarded pile, was beyond saving. Blood lingered in rings around the tub from the various water levels it had been at and in the bottom of the basin. He had to close his eyes and breathe deeply for several long moments, his hands flexing and clenching.

Once recentered he gathered all the soiled rags and towels and added them to the pile of his sheets, throwing his shirt into the trash before he set to work cleaning the rest of the bathroom, scrubbing the tub and floors until no trace of blood remained, sitting back to drag his arm over his forehead as he checked to make sure he got everything. Only once he was satisfied did he finally strip and walk into the shower where he let the almost uncomfortably hot water beat down on the backs of his shoulders as he leaned under the steam, hands braced against the wall as he thought back over the night. It all went from good to bad to worse so fast.