The Billionaire's Assistant

Chapter 53

The next day, after an early, restless night, Kat was staring at herself in the den bathroom's small, clouded mirror, her stomach a tangle of nerves. It had taken her hours to fall asleep, Andy's words piercing her mind and spreading through her thoughts like poison tipped daggers.

She was horrified that Andy had seen through her but knew that she was right, that things had gone too far. It was undeniable now that Kat had feelings for him, real feelings beyond the initial physical attraction that drew her.

Having feelings for Jove was unacceptable, it just couldn't stand. There was no reality where things could work out for them to be together, to even be happy with one another for more than a fleeting moment. Any time she enjoyed with Jove was like turning her back on FES, and FES was her family, her home.

Her mission. She reminded herself firmly. FES wasn't just a collection of letters, it meant something, something Kat believed in. The group works for earth's sake, she thought, and she glared at herself in the small mirror, promising that she'd never let her feelings get in the way of that.

She arrived to work resolved. The speech was getting finished today, no matter how Jove tried to distract her, and she'd be done with all this. He'd go back to messing with HR girls and keeping out of the office, the plan would go off without a hitch, and she'd never have to come back here. She stepped from the elevator, seeing a singular fresh vase of white calla lilies on the side table, and turned from it quickly, unwilling to consider what it might represent.

The office was otherwise silent and she peeked at Jove's door, confirming it was closed. Feeling at a bit of a loss, she crossed to her desk and sat down, the contours of the thin swivel chair now unfamiliar. Kat looked around. Save for the vase of lilies the office was as it had always been, as if she'd been here at her desk all along and her dalliances with Jove under the guise of speech writing were a byproduct of an overactive imagination.

She swiveled from side to side thoughtlessly, unsure of what to do next. Should she try to go and see Courtney knowing that there was a possibility of Jove showing up? It felt like a risk not worth taking, he'd come in to work on the memoir everyday this week and had said or done nothing to indicate that pattern was changing. At the same time, he'd done nothing to indicate it was beginning, he'd simply shown up at her office one day and started talking to her, started telling her things.

Maybe this was how he is, she thought. A short attention span. Bursts of time and effort into a project and then, nothing.

She wanted to be the project. In the most emotionally reactive corners of her psyche she already believed herself to be his next fixation, badly wanted to be. She knew she saw things this way but couldn't admit it to herself, couldn't stomach the idea that because he threw a little flirtatious attention her way she considered him interested in her. He wasn't interested in her anymore than he was interested in any of the girls he strung along. His interest comes with an expiration date.

She thought of Andy's low, steady voice. 'Jove Tillibenton doesn't like you. He doesn't love you, he doesn't want to be with you.'

Andy was right, undeniably so. Even if Jove did like her, even if he saw more in her than an easy lay, he would never want to be with her. He couldn't be. He had his company and his family's reputation to think about, he was an Earl for christ's sake. He wouldn't give that up to be with her.

And me, she thinks with a start, self directed anger and embarrassment rising in her throat like bile when she realized her own considerations were last. I don't want to be with him. I would never want to be. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I have morals too, I have standards. And he doesn't meet them.

She frowned. Trying to convince herself that she didn't want Jove wasn't working, which meant a change in tactic was needed. Instead of not falling for Jove she needed to not be around Jove, and she stood with her mouth set firmly. She was determined to make progress before he arrived that day, to not relegate herself to sitting and waiting for a man she shouldn't even want to be with in the first place.

She marched towards the elevator, her anger mounting.

Who does he think he is? She fumed internally. They'd be finished with the speech if it wasn't for him, he feels like he owns her time and can spend it however he wants. He doesn't know me, she thought. He has no idea if I liked the house or if I was just being polite, he doesn't know. He's happy to just waste my time, he doesn't care about...

Her train of thought was abruptly derailed when the elevator door chimed and slid open, revealing a smirking Jove leaning against the mirrored wall.

Kat froze, still midstep.

Jove's smile widened when he saw her, then he narrowed his eyes, still grinning.

"Where are you going?" he asked playfully.

Kat, feet still frozen in place, shook her head in a non answer.

"Hmm?" he probes further. "Were you trying to avoid me?"

Kat shook her again quickly.

He lifted an eyebrow. "Kat, are you good?" he asked, with a laugh, signs of true concern partially visible between the contours of his words.

She nodded, still feeling stuck. It was really easy to decide she didn't like Jove when Jove wasn't there. When she was in the same room as him, when he talked to her, looked at her, it was like she was no longer in control of her wants and desires. She didn't just like him, she needed him. She needed him around, needed his eyes on her, needed to look at his face. Needed but couldn't, couldn't stand it or take it despite overpowering draw, like the push and pull of polarized magnets.

Jove took another step towards her. "Really, where were you going?" he asked, his voice softened. "Did you need something? I'll have someone bring it."

Kat shook her head again.

"And you're sure you're ok?"

Kat nodded.

Jove studied her, his eyes searching her face. He took another step closer.

"Kat, c'mon," he said, reaching out to her gently. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," Kat snapped, surprising them both. They stared at each other, their faces a mirror of the others befuddled expression, and Kat felt her ears redden.

"Let's just finish the speech," she muttered.

"Alright," said Jove slowly, nodding. "One sec."

Kat turned to the door of Jove's office as he pulled out his cell phone and began typing quickly, his head down. She tugged open the wooden door and marched inside purposefully, headed for the desk instead of the more comfortable seating area they'd stretched out in the last time they'd worked here.

She sat stiffly, feeling as if humiliation were leaking from her pores. She was angry, angry with herself, furious even, for the way that Jove made her dissolve. She folded instantly, without hesitation, washed and pressed and folded her integrity to lay at his feet anytime he sent a grin her way. It was weak. She knew it, Andy certainly knew it, and more than likely, Jove knew it too. He was probably well aware of what he did to her, how he affected her, hell maybe he even knew about the dream she'd had, she wouldn't put it past him.

He was used to this, this was commonplace for him, well within the status quo. A woman working for him that has a crush on him, what was new? She knew she was in the same boat as Courtney, had willingly boarded it and set sail alongside what was likely a hundred other girls throughout Jove's life, more if you believe the internet's rumors.