➪ sᴡᴇᴇᴛs ❦︎

•11: Going crazy

(๑ ᴖ ᴈ ᴖ) ᴖ ᴑ ᴖ๑)

𝖨𝗆𝗉𝗎𝗋𝗂𝗍𝗂𝖾𝗌 - 𝖫𝖾 𝗌𝗌𝖾𝗋𝖺𝖿𝗂𝗆

⇆ㅤ ||◁ㅤ❚❚ㅤ▷||ㅤ ↻

Being rich and popular had it's benefits.
No matter how much Hyunjin would hate that, he couldn't deny having money came in handy when it came to matters like this.
How? Well, Hyunjin had more than enough people fawning over him, which means he has many connections, also very powerful ones. He could make them do whatever he wants, if he wants and when he wants. But till now he's never asked them for anything.
He didn't need to. Neither want to.
Because if he asked them for something, he knows he'd have to give something back.
That "giving back" never ended well though.

Hyunjin is aware of it all, it happened to him. He had to understand trusting rich people would be painful for him. He doesn't like to remember the traumatising experience, obviously it isn't a good memory. Unfortunately for Hyunjin though, he now has no other choice but get help from them.

Minho is very against it, as he knows how risky it is and how much it could affect Hyunjin and his health, which is already ruined. He tried to persuade him to not do it and instead let him handle it. Hyunjin would argue against it, that Minho has already been seen by the boy and couldn't risk him knowing.

Right, Hyunjin was planning to send someone to stalk Felix. Or how he calls it, "Learn him better". Whatever that was supposed to mean, Minho didn't like the idea and neither the enforcement of it.
But a models stubbornness is hard to overcome. Hyunjin just wouldn't let Minhos words through him. He had a plan and that was the only way for him.

Minho suggested a ton of other ideas which were a lot better than Hyunjins, but Hyunjin doesn't care. For him, his idea is the best.
That's how it's always been though, so Minho's used to it, although that doesn't mean he isn't annoyed and tired of Hyunjins constant uncooperation.

"Hyunjin stop being fucking stupid. Just think about what Felix would think if he found out a guy is stalking him and YOU sent him?"

"I told you already he wouldn't find out. I wouldn't send an unprofessional-"

"Hyunjin I don't give a shit. Even a professional can fail. Tell me how many times you failed?"
Silence. Or silenced? Probably both.
Akwardness filled the air. Minho already too tired of it all.

"Listen, Hyunjin you're my best friend. I love you a lot and what you're planning won't just make things difficult but the outcome will hurt you and you know it.
Why do you think I'm trying to tell you away from it? Did you forget already?
Please I don't want you to go through it all again. Just listen to me this once."

Silent tears flossing down his glossy eyes. Tears he could no longer keep away. Tears he has been hiding for 12 years. Those years he hated the most and the ones he would and could never forget.

Minho knew it wasn't Hyunjins fault that he is the way he is. Hyunjins trauma affected him more than what a therapist could heal.
He tried to get help, really, he did. He tried to change. He tried everything to become better. He took meds. Unprescribed meds. Yes he ended up in a hospital at the end but for Hyunjin that didn't matter. He thought they would help.

Hyunjin, oh the most beautiful man in the world, Hyunjin, has a heart full of love that he could never give. Now it's burried. That love is burried deep in him and no one was able to unburry it. So deep, it actually doesn't matter to him anymore.
But the pain it caused him will forever stay.

Nothing in the world saved Hyunjin from his despare. No one was there. As much as he cried, screamed, begged, prayed, nothing mattered. Nothing saved him. He was only 12. Just a little 12 year old boy. Used and thrown around however desired.

Did Hyunjin ever do anything to deserve any of it? What did he do? Why him? Why? Why? Why?
He's a human just like everyone else. No. Wrong. They aren't humans. You can't call them humans. How could humans ever be so heartless and evil?

Evil. They're just evil. Sent by the devil himself. Did the devil hate Hyunjin or did god? God never helped him, he wasn't there for Hyunjin. The devil ruined his life.
Well that's how it seems to be. They both hate him.

Hyunjin isn't fault at anything. It's not his fault. But when he remembers how he agreed to it by himself without thinking twice, he feels fucking stupid. But what could he do? They offered him a big amount of money, that he did get, yet for what? At the end it only hurt him. At least his mother didn't die. At least he could help his mother, who he barely even sees anymore.

Thinking back at the memories, pictures of them spawned in front of his eyes. The way they bribed him, how they manipulated him, lied to him, used him, touched him, made him strip in front of a camera, the way they abused him and still, Hyunjin still, till now is working in that industry.
Did they really lie to him though? They told him to model, that's what he did. Only, nacked. As a child. A child of a sick single mother. Did he have any other choice?

He did what he had to, what it took, so his mother wouldn't die, so she could see him grow up, get married, have kids...
Although Hyunjin doesn't even know if he wants any of that anymore. His life and his dreams ended at 12.

Hyunjin is dead. He's dead.
The Hwang Hyunjin is dead.
The old Hwang Hyunjin no longer exists.
He will never come back either.
There is only the Hwang Hyunjin of the present. The present Hyunjin emerged through his past actions, mistakes, friends, pain, (...) which never brought anything good to him. All Hyunjin remembers from his past is pure pain. All the happiness he ever felt had died out.

Now he was more than sure he's gone crazy and no one could help him, until he met the brownie boy who lit up his life with only his shining smile and bubbly personality.
Hyunjin has never felt that way before
Never. It was new to him and he wanted to feel it again, feel it more, feel it every day. Till the end of his life.
He needed Felix.

He would get him no matter what. No matter what measurements he had to take, he would make sure Felix would be his.
So he could make him happy. Hyunjin just wants to be happy, what's wrong about that? Maybe that he's planning to stalk the kid and perhaps kidnap him?

He's not kidnapping anyone. Minho would make sure he didn't, but Hyunjin still would never. He's crazy but not that crazy.
He does want to stalk him though, which isn't really any better.

"Hyunjin, please. We're still at the event. You were right, I shouldn't have asked you here and now. Do you wanna leave?"
Minhos worried tone made Hyunjin realise he was being stupid. He didn't mean to worry his best friend. And yes, he did want to leave. For Hyunjin to leave early wasn't anything new. People were used to seeing him disappear in the middle of events or shows. But they didn't really care much, some did think it was a bit disrespectful, but most people didn't really pay much attention to it.

On the way back home, Hyunjin was silent the whole ride. No one said anything and it ate Minho up from the inside. He kept blaming himself for putting his best friend in such a bad situation, especially in public too. Good thing no one saw them, otherwise it would've made things a lot more difficult since Hyunjin did cry and no one ever saw Hyunjin cry. Expect for Minho, of course.

When Minho brought Hyunjin home, he took care of him well. Took his clothes off, made him some food for the night (even though Hyunjin doesn't eat anything at night), tucked him into bed and stayed until the boy fell asleep.

They would talk about it another time. Now, both of them needed rest.

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