A Rainy Tuesday || larry

Twelve.

"A problem with our society is that they think suicide shows weakness. Everyone blames and hates the person that committed it and not the people that caused it," Chad rambles. Harry listens closely as he talks and admires how the moon light hits his face in just the right way. Their feet dangle in the water of the lake and Harry just wishes for a kiss from Chads pretty lips.

"I see your point yeah, but suicide shouldn't ever be the answer. There are people that love you and that's not fair," Harry replies and Chad rolls his eyes.

"What's not fair is letting them stay here when they don't want to be," Chad answers and Harry frowns. He grabs his hand and interlocks their fingers.

"I'd miss you if you left," Harry reminds him and Chad pulls his hand away.

"It's not about me, Harry! Not everything I say is because I'm sad. Fucking Christ shut up for once and think," Chad yells and Harry looks down sadly. It's always like this. Harry worries and Chad hates him for it so Harry doesn't worry and then Chad hates him for that too. "I'm sorry. Hey, baby, I'm sorry. You know I get like that. I'm not leaving," Chad changes moods again and pulls Harry into him. He kisses his lips and rubs his back and Harry forgives him for the outburst.

"I just don't want anything to happen to you," Harry whispers and Chad nods his head.

"I know. I don't know what I'd do without you," he admits. Harry can't believe how much he loves him.

•••

The space under Harry's bed is filled with memories he's too scared to go back into. Pictures of his friends and movie stubs from dates. He wishes he was strong enough to go through all of them but the truth is he's not.

He's scared that when he pulls out that navy hoodie with the stain on the sleeve that he'll collapse in himself and not be able to resurface. He's doing well - Louis helping with that - but he still has scars and open wounds. He still feels so fragile and broken.

He misses the moments when everything was good. He misses having someone to call at 2 am when he couldn't sleep and he misses having someone to kiss and he just misses Chad if he's honest. As stupid as that is it's the truth.

The problem is that everyone just views him as a monster. This big scary creature that lurks in the dark of the town and Harry just can't see that. He can see the monstrous act, but the person themselves isn't a monster to him. He's a person with flaws and mistakes and now he's dead along with the people he took with him. Maybe Harry's messed up for thinking this way, but he loves the monster. Loves him foolishly and cluelessly.

"Harry?" His mothers voice stirs him from his thoughts and he looks up from where's he's lying on his bed to look at her. She's leaning on his doorframe, giving him her concerned mom look.

"Hey," he rasps out, giving her a small smile. She just looks at the mess of his room and back to him.

"You've been in bed all day. Are you feeling alright?" She worries and Harry shrugs. Is he feeling alright? How does he even feel? Does he feel anything?

"I'm just... I need to just lie here. I really can't face the world today," he admits and Anne smiles sadly and walks in and sits on his bed. She runs her fingers through his knotty hair and hums softly.

"I'm going to make you a sandwich okay? Maybe you can hide from the world downstairs with me and we can watch a movie together too? How's that?" She asks. Harry nods and they both stand up. She just gives his arm a reassuring squeeze and walks ahead of him. She stops when she gets to the stairs and turns back to him.

"Any time you need to hide away come get me. It's better to hide with someone don't you think?" She calls and Harry smiles and nods his head again. He loves his mom.

•••

"So have you talked to the Horan kid since he's come back?" Zayn wonders. They're walking passed his house on Harry's street and Harry shakes his head and let's his eyes move over to the house. It still looks the same. Bright and welcoming and warm.

"He hasn't been out I don't think," Harry replies and Zayn stops and smirks at him. Harry tilts his head at his friend and gestures to his house. He's hungry and wants food.

"Let's say hi! We were all friends as kids," Zayn suggests and Harry shakes his head quick, but Zayn doesn't listen and turns and walks up to their door. Harry curses under his breath, but follows him up. He arrives next to Zayn as the boy knocks on the door. The two wait in silence and Harry almost dies as Niall opens it.

"Zayn Malik and Harry Styles," he says and Harry just awkwardly waves, but Zayn is full blown smiling.

"Hey, Horan, nice of you to say hi to us when you got back," he greets him and Niall just shrugs and leans on the door frame. His blue eyes are clear and his dyed blonde hair falls gently across his forehead.

"Sorry. Wasn't sure if everyone went fucking crazy or not," he laughs and Harry looks down and scuffs his shoes. "Too soon? Sorry," the boy quickly corrects himself and Harry just keeps looking down as Zayn talks to save the awkward silence.

"My mate Liam is coming up to live with me for a bit. You two should come meet him. He's a legend back on campus, but the idiot got expelled," Niall snickers.

"What'd he do?" Harry asks curiously and Niall shrugs.

"He didn't shoot up a school that's for sure," Niall replies and Harry just turns on his heels and starts to walk away. He can hear the call of his name and Zayn saying something, but he just keeps walking. Niall's always been a twat, but Zayn's always loved him.

Harry arrives at his house and let's himself in. No ones home and he goes straight to the kitchen and opens the fridge. He pulls out some juice and pours himself a glass as Zayn storms into the room.

"I'm sorry! I didn't think that would happen," Zayn says as soon as he sees Harry leaning on the counter.

"Not your fault," Harry quickly tells him and Zayn sighs and grabs the glass from his hands and finishes his drink.

"Hey!" Harry squeals and Zayn just places the glass next to him and smirks.

"Thanks for the juice, pal," he chuckles and Harry huffs as he grabs the glass and goes back to fill it up.

"You suck," Harry grumbles and Zayn just waves him off.

"You love me," he smiles and Harry just shrugs and chugs back his juice so he doesn't have to admit that that's true.