A Rainy Tuesday || larry

Three.

Seeing Louis in the halls is odd now. It's like they share this weird secret and it connects them. They never talk, they never make plans to meet again but they know at some point they will come together again.

Harry looks at the stars as he thinks about this. It's Friday night and he's sitting on Zayn's roof. He can smell the boys cigarette smoke and he can hear the movement of his pencil on paper. It's all calming for Harry and he doesn't feel the need to run away like he does at home when he's alone. He likes to just sit and stay with Zayn.

"Penny for your thoughts," Zayn speaks and Harry just lazily flicks his eyes over to his friend and just shrugs.

"I'm not thinking of anything. Just enjoying the silence," Harry tells him.

"You don't get silence any other time?" Zayn asks with a raise of his brows and Harry shrugs again.

"Not really. Schools always loud and then I go home to my mom. She's never been good with silence," Harry says with a smile and Zayn chuckles and nods. Harry looks over and notices Zayn's drawing. It's just a picture of a small cabin in the woods and Zayn looks down at it too.

"It's Chads cabin. You know the one we all went to every summer?" Zayn questions and Harry swallows the lump in his throat and nods. When he thinks of that cabin he thinks of the weekend him and Chad spent there alone. He thinks of the happiness he felt just being with the boy. He worries he'll never love anyone as much as he loved Chad.

"H? You okay?" Zayn asks, snapping his fingers in front of Harrys face. Harry jumps and nods his head, tearing his eyes away from the beautifully detailed drawing.

"Yeah I'm fine. The cabin just holds a lot of memories," Harry tells him and Zayn looks at him sadly. He wraps his arm around Harry protectively and Harry leans into him.

"You were always too good for him," Zayn reminds him and Harry laughs without humour. He closes his eyes and takes in a large breath.

"Maybe, but that doesn't mean I don't love him," Harry whispers.

•••

He watches his mom dance around the house with her apron on. Gemma's coming home for the weekend and his mother needs to make sure everything is perfect. Her favourite meal is cooking on the stove and the house smells of cleaner and vanilla. Harry honestly just feels sick, but he helps anytime his mom asks him to.

"Harry, can you grab me the vacuum?" She calls from down the hall. Harry shouts a quick reply and then hops down the hall and down the stairs to their basement. Robin is down here hiding and smiles when he sees Harry grab the machine from the closet.

"Still cleaning?" He asks and Harry rolls his eyes and nods.

"Always. I really don't understand why we have to clean for Gems," Harry yet again and Robin sighs and moves forward to take the vacuum from him.

"It makes her feel better. I'll take it up," he tells him. Harry just passes it off and moves to sit on the couch. There's a football game on which he quickly switches to SpongeBob. He doesn't even watch the show, but the bright colours easily lead him into the world inside his head.

He gets brought back to that day and all he can think is; why? Why shoot innocent people? Why would anyone want to do that? Why shoot yourself? Why couldn't Harry save him? Why didn't he notice?

The questions constantly buzz around his head, giving him a headache and making his heart feel heavy. He shouldn't still feel like this. He's young and stupid and he should be over it. Who cares if the boy he loves killed himself? Who cares that he killed three other people besides himself? Harry should be focusing on graduating and partying, but he just can't.

There's loud footsteps on the stairs and he turns to see Gemma run at him and throw herself on top of him. He barely manages to stay sitting and she laughs loudly, her face happy.

"Brother, I missed you!" She yells and Harry smiles and pulls her close to his chest. He squeezes her until she squeals and jumps away, running back up the stairs. Harry can't help but follow her. She's a ray of sunshine right now and Harry is tired of sitting in the clouds.

•••

"How do you always find me?" Louis Tomlinson asks when Harry sits down next to him. It's a week after Gemma came for a visit and Harry can feel the rain clouds starting to take over his life again.

"Don't know. I just walk and there you are," Harry explains softly. He looks at Louis' painting today and sees a classroom with students in every seat. Every student has a sun over their head except one. One has a big dark cloud, but he's the brightest of the bunch. It looks almost complete and Harry wonders if Louis plans on leaving soon. Will he invite Harry with him or just leave the boy to think in the night?

"Isn't it scary how he could always act so nice to everyone, but he had a plan to kill us all. Doesn't that just fuck you up," Louis murmurs. Harry drags his eyes away from the painting and looks at Louis' soft face. He has a grey beanie on his head and a soft sweater covering his small body. The boy appears far away, thinking of something that only he can know.

"I just don't understand why he didn't talk to someone. Get help," Harry whispers. Louis just looks at him sadly.

"You can't help evil. I saw him that day. You couldn't have helped him," Louis whispers and Harry closes his eyes and shakes his head.

"I could've. He would've listened to me. He loved me," Harry says desperately and Louis gently places his hand on Harry's knee.

"If he loved you why isn't he here?" Louis asks softly and Harry looks up to meet his eyes. They're a soft blue and they show exactly how he's feeling. You can read Louis through his eyes and Harry likes that quality. It's something he couldn't do with Chad.

"He loved me. He told me," Harry tries and Louis looks like he wants to cry. He moves forward and wipes at Harrys cheek, wiping the tears.

"He lied. He didn't love anyone, Harry. He didn't even love himself," Louis says in such a gentle voice that it makes Harry feel like a child. He wants to be angry at what Louis is saying, but he can't because he's right. Chad never loved him and he always knew that deep down.