Vera

Chapter 34

Santiago

"This woman is going to be the death of me." I murmur in the driver's seat, with Matteo in the passenger seat, and Vera in the back. Vera is shit faced drunk, and Matteo couldn't take another minute in the couples car.

"You wouldn't have it any other way." Matteo tells me, not breaking his sight away from Debbie's dinner as we drive past. I don't know why, to my knowledge he's never been inside, but he is right, I wouldn't. For these past few days I've been trying to earn Vera and Silas' trust.

At times I feel like I'm doing everything wrong, and that I've missed too much to ever redeem myself. But Silas is the best kid I've ever met, he's too smart for his own good, loves soccer, and reading, and he is stubborn just like his mom. It honestly confuses me how such a bright kid came from me. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve him or Vera, but I won't give them up again. I wouldn't survive it.

I pull into the driveway with the rest only a few feet behind. I cut off the car and get out. The June heat usually slaps you as soon as you leave AC but since it's dark it is more cool. I hear crickets but otherwise serenity. I go around to the back and open the door. Vera's not passed out, but she's close and has been singing the same song for the past 10 minutes straight. I'm sure she can't walk in the heels she has on, so I just lift her from the car into my arms.

She feels warm against my chest, and she smells like lilac and vanilla. I inhale until a physically can't anymore. I've missed her smell and voice. I was terrified for a while that I'd forget them.

"You're so pretty. You're like a big, soft, cinnamon roll that kills people." She slurs, clearly tired and delirious. Her nails scratch my stubble and rake down my jaw to my neck. She tucks her head in between my neck and collar bone and inhales. I clench my jaw—to the point where it feels my teeth will shatter—at the feeling of her warm breath brushing against my neck.

"You smell good, Santi." Por el amor de Dios. I squeeze my eyes shut and walk faster. I can't take this. She hasn't called me by my name really at all since she's been back, and I know the only reason she's calling me that now is because she's drunk. I don't want her to say things she doesn't really mean, especially when she's intoxicated and can't think right. (For the love of God.)

The house is silent apart from my mother's soft snoring and the quiet murmuring of her telenovela. I stride up the stairs with Vera still nuzzled into my neck. I feel a low throb in my pants. This is the last thing I need. For 5 years I've successfully ignored the fact that I haven't had sex. Cam pushed me to do something with someone but the thought of it nauseated me. It felt like I was cheating on Vera and I couldn't do that, so I pretended that I did it with some woman I made up, for Cam's sake. But now Vera is back, I can feel her lips on my collarbone, I can feel every place we are touching, and I can feel my pants slowly tightening.

I quietly open the bedroom door, knowing that Silas is sleeping. I enter the room to see Silas sprawled out on the bed. I bet he's a kicker like Vera. I gently lay her on the bed right next to Silas, but she gets up. She's languidly fumbling with her dress trying to get it off. I exhale a breath quickly I jog to my duffel bag in the guest room and get a shirt from it. When I get back, she's still trying to grasp the zipper. I bring my hand to her back and pull the zipper down. The top to her dress starts to fall, but before it exposes her breasts, I slip my shirt over her. I pull her dress down the rest of the way while she gently lifts her hips with the remainder of her strength and consciousness.

I lift her legs into the bed and cover her with the blanket. I gaze at her soft features. She doesn't look much different from all those years ago. Stronger, more resilient. I notice a new scar on the end of her eyebrow. Long and jagged, from a ring. A damn sharp one. I know a bit of what happened, but not the whole story. I don't need to know the whole story to know that when I get my hands on the people that hurt her—us—I will kill them.

I brush my thumb across the scar and lightly thread my fingers through her hair, moving it out of her face. I lean down and place a featherlight kiss on her head. I back away, beginning to leave the room when I'm called.

"Dad," I look over to Silas where he's sitting up in bed rubbing at his eyes. His hair is a mess of brown curls, and his mouth clamps closed after he yawns.

"Hey Si, you need anything?" I loop around to his side of the bed caressing his curls as I watch them spring back up at me.

"Can I get water?" I nod, smiling softly. I go to pick him up to take him with me, but he shakes his head. "I can't go. If mama wakes up from a nightmare, she has to know where I am." It feels like I was stabbed in the heart by his words. I assume the nightmares she has are of the people that hurt her, taking Silas away. And he picked up on it. They've lived in fear this entire time. Fear of me. I crouch so I'm eye level to Silas.

"Neither of you have to be afraid anymore. Mama won't have anymore nightmares. I'll protect you guys now. I will keep you both safe with my life if it comes down to it." I look Silas in the eyes so he can grasp the depth of my words because I mean it. He nods before sticking out his pinky.

"Promise?" I smile, my heart swelling at this moment. She passed on the promise. I bring my pinky to his interlocking it.

"Promise." I pick him up swiftly and make our way to the kitchen. In there we talked about how his first year of kindergarten went and he suckered me into getting him some grapes. I let him talk until I see sleep crept back up on him. He finishes his grapes and water before I take him back up to bed. I set him gently next to Vera and he cuddles into her side.

"Can I get a kiss like you gave mama?" This kid is too good for me. To innocent and pure. I'm sure I'll mess him up, but I know I can't mess him up with a kiss. I brush his hair away from his forehead softly, and I gave him the same featherlight kiss as I gave Vera. He smiles up at me and turns over, snuggling into the covers. I turn to leave but hear rustling.

"Daddy, can you stay instead?" I freeze, looking back at Silas. He's looking at me with big brown eyes. I fall weak at the sight. I nod, silently, not trusting my own voice. Silas beckons me over and pats the bed, scooting over for me. I slowly put my weight on the mattress and Silas turns over again, letting sleep coax him away.

"Goodnight, Daddy." I grin at the swelling in my chest. And I can't help but think how much Cam and Alex would tease me, but I also know being able to hear that is so worth anything they could possibly say.

"Goodnight, Silas."