The Journey To Happiness

Chapter 6

HARPERS POV:

I was laying wide awake in my bedroom, struggling to sleep. It was 4:30 am I was wide awake all night. I felt anxious, I needed something to help calm me. I rummaged through my bag, I found a small plastic bag with one pill inside. I paused and hesitated before taking it. I thought to myself "Is this is best decision"

I placed the pill inside my mouth, swallowing it immediately, unsure on the substance I was taking. I felt a bit relieved, but guilty at the same time. I climbed back into bed brushing off my feelings.

7:30 AM the clock read, I had been awake staring at the ceiling for what felt like a life time. The door creaked, "Good morning Harper, I have work soon. Let's go grab some breakfast" I heard Amelia said.

I got up exhausted, my head pounding like crazy. Anxious about the thought of food, I sat down on a stool at the kitchen counter. "What would you like kids?" Meredith asked. I was looking down at my hands, tapping my fingers on the counter top. "Harper?" Amelia said. I looked up, "Yes?" I stared blankly into Amelia's eyes, still feeling sick to my stomach.

She placed a bowl of cheerios in front of me, "Try and eat something" Amelia said looking at me and gesturing to the bowl of cereal in front of me.

I picked up the spoon, and placed it into the bowl scooping up the cheerios. I bought the spoon closer to my mouth, my hand shaking with anxiety. I took a spoonful, swallowing the cheerios. Amelia looked over at me and mouthed "good girl" her cheesy grin beaming at me. I ate a bit more, till I felt like I finished. Amelia smiled at me, before grabbing her bag and heading out the door for work.

It was a weekend, me and Zola being the oldest in the house we had the opportunity to look after Ellis, Bailey and Scout, before Maggie came back to take them to the daycare.

"I'm just going to the bathroom, Zola could you just play with Scout please" I asked. "Of course Harps" She said to me smiling.

I ran upstairs, dug out a razer from the bathroom scratching my thigh. Minutes must have passed, maybe even hours.

"Harper, you've been in there a while you okay" Zola called out. The door opened, Zola stood there her eyes staring at the blood leaking from my thighs. "Harper..." Zola said shocked.

My hand slipped, dropping the razer on the floor. Zola reached to pick it up, placing it far away from me. "Let me get some help" Zola said. My eyes filling with tears, I felt bad I didn't want Zola to see this.

Zola came running up the stairs, Maggie following her to the bathroom. My thigh covered in blood, Maggie looked at me concerned. "Harper, I'm going to clean your thigh up then call Amelia" She said. Tears still running down my face, Zola handed me a tissue and hugged me carefully. I held onto the tissue ripping it up, needing something to concentrate on while Maggie cleaned my cuts.

AMELIAS POV:

I was examining a patient, my phone called. I was Maggie, I instantly picked up to hear that Harper had an accident. My chest grew tighter with anxiety, "Bring her to the hospital" I said frantically.

I was waiting for about 30 minutes in my office, spinning on my chair impatiently. Maggie walked in with Harper and Zola supporting Harper. I held Harpers hand and brought her into my chest holding her closely.

"Hey sweetie, calm down look at me" I said. Her face completely blank, she was zoned out. "I'm.. s..sorry" I heard her little voice tremble. "It's okay" I replied soothing her trying to calm her down. "I t..took a pill, this morning... I-I couldn't sleep.." She told me. A wave of anxiety rushed over me. "What did you take?" I asked concerned and worried. "I-I don't know" She said her voice broken and filled with anxiety.

"I have a meeting, in an hour. I'm going to take you with me. Is that okay" I said. Harper nodded, she was focused on playing with my hair. I soothed her gently still hugging her.

1 HOUR LATER.

HARPERS POV:

We were sat in a room, for the AA and NA meeting. My body full of anxiety, my legs bouncing faster and faster, my heart racing, my head pounding. I was in a room full of people I was unfamiliar with, expected to talk about my experiences. I hated talking, especially about my feelings and with people I don't know or trust made it 10x more worse.

Amelia placed her hand on my shoulder, I flinched still filled with anxiety. "Hey it's okay, you don't have to talk yet." She informed me. I felt a little bit less anxious, my body still felt tense and frozen up. Knowing I didn't have to talk made things easier.

Sat there in silence while everyone said the prayer, Amelia looked at me. "You okay" She whispered. I nodded knowing that I wasn't, but I didn't want to cause a scene. I needed to mask, I stopped myself from stimming and attempted to sit still. It was a struggle I needed to move around. I was uncomfortable, but I had to ignore my urges and focus on making Amelia proud of me.

We took turns in talking, it was my turn to talk. Amelia held my hand, mouthing It's okay take your time. I took a deep breath, in and out, before talking. I opened my mouth, nothing came out. I knew what I wanted to say. I thought my selective mutism was gone, I thought I could speak, I thought wrong. I felt frustrated, Amelia gesturing for me to keep trying. I felt exhausted I pushed myself to speak till I forced the words out my mouth.

"I'm only 15, I want my life over" I almost screamed. Everyone looked me, I began to panic feeling embarrassed and ashamed, I tried to run but Amelia stopped me. "That's good, well done for talking" The leader of the meeting said to me. "Harper, 15 is a young age, we have all been there before and we understand what you're going through" A kind lady said to me.

The meeting was over, I felt relieved. "I'm proud of you" Amelia said smiling. "Why?" I asked. "Why? What do you mean why. I'm proud of you for trying your best and speaking, I know that was hard. You should be proud of yourself too. Amelia said to me smiling. I smiled back, Amelia took my hand and we walked to the car.

I got home and immediately went to my bedroom. Laying mindlessly on my bed, I felt completely exhausted, "M..o. Amelia!" I called out. "Hey Harps is everything okay" She asked.

I couldn't move, I felt exhausted, I felt like I had no energy left. "Harper?" Amelia said sitting on my bed. I stared at her blankly, Amelia had the horrible flash light in her hand I moved away slightly. "I knew that would work" She chuckled.

A tear ran down my face, "M..o.. I mean Amelia.." I said. Amelia looked at me and hugged me into her chest. "Shhh it's okay" Amelia soothed.

AMELIAS POV:

She nearly called me Mom, I felt happy for her to be able to trust me to call me that. But she corrected herself, I wanted her to feel comfortable to call me Mom.

"Harper, you know you can call me Mom, it's up to you" I informed her. Her eyes instantly glowed. "Really?" She asked. "Yes your the daughter I've always wanted, your great with Scout, Scout calls you sister which is adorable, Your perfect and I love you" I said to her. "Perfect?" She questioned.

I looked at her and nodded. "Mhm perfect" I said bopping her button nose. "But... what about all my shitty problems?" She said with tears running down her eyes. "They are not shitty at all, your feelings are completely valid and you're dealing with them and I will sponsor you, help you get through it all" I said stroking her hair.

"But.. I don't want you to get hurt or triggered because of me" She said still crying. "That's why I go to meetings, if I feel like using again I get help and I don't hide it" I said still stroking her silky hair. "Do you get triggered from me?" Harper asked.

"Well.. I wouldn't say triggered. Sure when you are hurting I feel like using, but I get help and open up, and that's what I'm going to help you with" I said feeling a bit guilty, but knowing it's good to open up.

Harper smiled at me "I'm glad you told me" She said hugging me. I smiled at her, "Okay munchkin, dinner will be ready soon why don't we see what it is and have a go at trying it" I said. Harper shook her head, "For me?" I said smiling at her. "Okay.. I will try" She said reluctantly. I smiled at her proudly and held her hand that was shaking with anxiety.

Authors Note:

Thankyou for the support on my stories.

Not really sure on what I want to do with Harper.