Lost in the Maze: Elias de Marcel

Kabanata 5

KABANATA 5

Atasha's POV

After my conversation with Elias, I left our room and went down to another room. I was grateful that he told me the truth and didn't prolong it for days. I was right, he couldn't keep secrets from me for long because he knew my nature. If I find out something and see that he has no intention of telling me, I won't be open with him.

Instead, I will find a way for him to confess to me, whether it's a small or big thing. Like what I did earlier, I put him in a situation where I knew his conscience would eat at him. So he had no choice but to tell me the truth.

And now that I know the truth about what was said in the article about him and Jocelle, I feel betrayed by him. Yes, I said I would understand whatever he said, but his reason for cheating with someone else is unacceptable. He kissed another woman because he thought it was me. Really? What kind of reason is that?

Why didn't he just say that he wanted to have sex with someone else?

"Shang..." I heard Elias's voice from outside the room door. He followed me.

Napabuntong-hininga ako at nagpalit na lang ng damit. Alam kong hindi siya makakapasok dahil naka-lock ang pinto at hawak ko rin ang susi ng kuwarto dito sa ibaba. Dalawang kuwarto ang condo namin ni Elias, isa dito sa ibaba at isa sa itaas. Ang kuwartong ito ay talagang para sa akin, ngunit mas gusto ni Elias na magkasama kami sa pagtulog. Ngunit narito pa rin ang iba kong gamit na paminsan-minsan ko lang ginagamit.

Habang nagpapatuyo ako ng buhok, narinig ko na naman ang kanyang pagkatok sa pinto. "Shang, please... forgive me," he said softly, pleading. "I know you're angry, but please, listen to me," he added.

I took a deep breath. "Can we stop this for now? I told you, give me time to think," I replied seriously.

"But why do you need to distance yourself and sleep there? I have no one beside me to hold," he said childishly while knocking on the door. "Shang, please!"

I just sighed at his words. I know Elias, he likes to pester, especially when there's a misunderstanding. In our long relationship, whenever we have a problem and I feel like it will lead to endless arguments, I'm the one who steps back. I don't want to say hurtful things because I know we'll both get hurt.

I don't want to say hurtful words, especially to Elias, because I'll also get hurt. So instead of escalating the argument earlier, I just stayed quiet. But it doesn't mean that everything is okay with me and that I'm not angry. I am angry, but I can control it and I don't want to shout or rant in front of him just to let out my anger.

What I do is give myself time to accept everything that has happened. I calm myself in my way, and I don't need Elias' affection to calm down my anger. I have my way of easing my frustration; I just don't know how I do it. But I know it's part of my personality that I inherited from my dad.

In other things, like discussions that don't lead to arguments, I boldly express my feelings. If something is disappointing, like what happened at the reunion where I thought it was a wedding proposal, I don't hide my frustration and disappointment from him.

But it's different when I'm angry; I don't want to make a mistake. I know that no matter how kind and calm I am, I also have limits.

"Shang, please." I heard Elias' voice again from outside the door. "I can't sleep alone."

Napabuntong-hininga ako bago umupo sa kama, kinuha ang cellphone ko mula sa side table para tingnan ang oras. "Matulog ka na lang mag-isa," sabi ko bago humiga.

"Shang..." muli niyang sambit, na parang nagmamakaawa ang tono ng kanyang boses.

Nang gabing iyon, hindi ko pinansin si Elias. Pinatay ko ang lampshade at nahiga sa kama, pinipilit ang ang sarili na matulog kahit patuloy ang kanyang pagmamakaawa sa labas ng pinto. Hindi nagtagal, binisita ako ng antok at tuluyan na akong nakatulog.