Captive (JiKyu)

21. 다르다

Junkyu prepared himself to return to uni after three days of missing classes all through the previous night. He knew he wouldn't be able to avoid meeting Jihoon for they shared the same classroom; however, as he neared the uni, his heartbeat fastened with a fear to face the man. He could convince himself a thousand times more but he knew, he wasn't ready at all.

Finding Jihoon first after stepping foot inside the classroom didn't help at all, cause Jihoon too locked eyes with him.

He felt a pang of pain in his chest. Doyoung was right, Jihoon looked different. Like he had lost some weight, like he had grown some eye bags, like his eyes were tired and droopy. Like he lacked sleep. Selfish. He shouldn't be the one suffering after doing that!

Junkyu averted his gaze, walking away from that very seat, finding one at the very back, as far away as possible from Jihoon. Good thing he was late, cause the teacher arrived moments later, saving him from talking to Jihoon for at last an hour more. He should be able to brace himself in the meantime, right?

Turned out, he didn't. In fact, as the class ended, he grabbed his things, shoved them haphazardly in his backpack and rushed out of the classroom. For the gap between classes, he decided to stay out. However, he felt another pair of feet running behind him, holding his arm right outside the door.

"Junkyu! Junkyu please, listen to me!" Jihoon ran after him as he freed himself from the feeble grip to avoid talking to his 'friend'. The chase was small, cause there were too many turns and Jihoon was faster. He grabbed the other again, and this time, held on. "Please, you gotta listen to me!" He pushed Junkyu to the wall, eyes trembling and fluttering. Heavy breaths danced on his parted lips as they quivered before talking. Everything got difficult again- he thought and thought about what to say, but seeing those pained eyes, he couldn't remember anything.

Only the wrongs he did resurfaced in his memory, driving him more to the edge.

"I'm sorry." He could only breathe out, "I'm so so sorry, Kyu." He pushed his head on Junkyu's shoulder, failing to stop crying. He sniffed twice, but when the other did it too, he looked up. Junkyu's face was crumpled with pain too. Through gritted teeth, he asked, "Sorry? Where was your sorry that night, Jihoon? Where were you when I was helplessly crying on the street?"

Jihoon shook his head, "I swear I wanted to run out! You don't know how much I wanted to take back what I said! But my body was frozen, the anger, jealousy- I don't know why, Kyu, I never felt that way before, I..." He hitched his breath, "I don't know what to do when it comes to you."

Junkyu sniffed again, he pushed Jihoon a little, so there remained a considerable gap between them, "You know what? Even if you didn't ask me to, I would have left on my own. But you saying it just made everything more humiliating for me." His face scrunched up again, "Was I never anything to you? Not even a friend? How could you ask me to leave that way?"

"I'm begging you, Kyu! I'm sorry. I can say sorry to you for the rest of my life, just please, please.."

"Please what?"

"... Come back to me." Jihoon sobbed, "I can't... Live in that empty house."

"Go back to you?" Junkyu's voice changed, he pushed the other harder this time, "You're so fucking shameless, Ji. You're asking me to go back after throwing me out like trash?"

"No, don't think that way!" Jihoon said, holding him by the arms, "You're wrong, I didn't throw you out, I just let out my anger not even knowing why I felt that way." He fought back a sob, "But these two days, I kept thinking, Kyu. And I know now, why I was like that."

A tingle of curiosity ran along Junkyu's system. He asked, anticipating the answer, "Why?"

"Because I..." Jihoon sighed, trying to calm himself, "I hated that you kissed a guy who likes you. I hated thinking that you two got together. I hated thinking I had lost you even before trying." He suddenly stepped ahead and cupped the younger's face, "It's all because.." he touched his forehead with Junkyu's, ".. I fell in love with you, Kyu." He let out a deep breath, eyes wet but his lips curled upwards because of the relief he felt. Saying it in words made everything so clear, so transparent, so easy! Yes, that's exactly why. That's why, from the very beginning, he felt attracted, protective, jealous. He was fucking stupid not to notice before. He liked Junkyu. He fell for Junkyu. And even at that moment, holding that face, yes, he freaking loved that man!