My Lady's Chicory Tattoo

1 Codys Diary (past)

Dear Diary,

I suppose I should introduce myself...
My name is Cody.
I just turned 17, maybe 3 months ago in April. Not only that but two months ago I had confessed to my bosses daughter that I had feelings for her.
I was wondering if she was interested in pursuing these feelings with me. Rather than answering, she told me some news... She got her entry test results back and she was accepted to her favorite weld school and the apprenticeship had an opening for her as well she was going to an interview in two weeks for her first company.
I told her that was awesome and I was so happy for her. I wish I had known she was going on the road in the neighboring state before I had opened up to her like that. I could tell she didn't know what to say, or just didn't have the heart to hurt mine outright. All I could do was put my head down and look at my feet.
We were sitting on the dock at the pond, after working in the fields and doing normal daily maintenance we would cool off before going to supper at the house. Most hands would take off home for the day by now to get home for supper but I lived next door and Montanas family knew that my gran was too sick to cook for me and herself before I got home.
Montanas momma Mary would make me a plate and I would eat with them at the table and update Montanas father John on work plans for the next few days and Andy would join in too if he wasn't in a hurry to get home to his ol lady. I didn't go to dinner with her family tonight it would have felt odd and uncomfortable for us both so I went home and I ate whatever gran had left over from cooking for herself that day.
I checked in on gran before I went to bed myself, left the door cracked so if she called me I would hear her even if I was asleep. To be absolutely honest I don't think I will be getting much tonight. I'd be a liar if I said I didn't tear up over it all. Felt like I was losing the most important women to me at the same time.
I hadn't told the boss or his family that gran was going to pass soon, I hadn't found the right time. I also didn't want Montana to feel sorry for me when I told her about my feelings I didn't want anything to persuade her answer. Now it feels like I can't tell any of them or I may look pitiful and desperate. I didn't want to have to go through this alone but it looks like I'm gon have to. The other hands here call me soft, Montanas boy and what ever else may hurt my masculinity when Montana is around. I can't let them pick on me for getting the girl because my gran died and she pitied me.
I know men who have said goodbye to their mommas and work through it all. I guess I started this diary so I can feel less lonely as I go through this, I don't want to be a mean or bitter man when montana comes back. I want to be a good man for her if she can find any feelings for me while she's gone.
well, sun will be up in about 6 hours I should try to get some sleep or I won't do good work tomorrow. Besides Montana will only be here for another 14 days and I don't want her to think I'm soft just because she told me no, but I also need the pay.