Drifted Time

18

Savannah's Pov:

Wednesday, April 21, 2021

It's been 2 days since I've seen everyone except Mom and Dad. Scarlett left soon after our conversation but the twins and Grandma J left a couple hours later. Mom, Dad, and I have been doing pretty well but I guess that's not saying much being that it's only been 2 days.

Maybe she was right, people are only temporary. Once they get what they want from you they will leave and never turn their heads toward you again.

'They take the things that mattered the most from you and leave. It's a cycle, Savannah. Don't get too caught up in it.'

"Sav? Savvy? Are you listening?" Mom asked, waving her hand in front of my face. Both mom and dad were looking at me with concerned looks, I tried to smile to ease their minds. I know it didn't but they didn't say a word about it.

"I said, your dad and I have to go to Albany for some interviews. We'll only be gone a day or two, we were wondering if you wanted to stay with the twins or if you'd just rather be alone?" She asked her question, carefully, trying to study my face for an answer. "Is it okay if I'm alone?" I asked shakily, I know she was the one who asked if I wanted to be alone but I was still unsure if they really would allow me to.

Mom and Dad looked back and forth at me and each other like they were having a conversation with their eyes, they do it all the time when I'm in the room and they need to agree on something. "That's fine, Savvy. But only if you agree for the twins to come over and check up on you." Dad wagered, I honestly had to think about it.

Most likely if the twins are coming here to 'check up' on me, they're gonna try and spend all day with me and still want to sleep over. Not that I don't love the twins but at this point I just need to be alone with my thoughts for a while without the company of others.

Ultimately, I shrugged. I know the twins would understand if I told them that I needed to be alone but I also know that they would worry and tell my parents, then my parents would be on their way back at the first mention of my name.

"Savannah, honey. We need words. If you feel like you can be left alone then we'll allow it but if you feel like you can't then we'll arrange something." Mom spoke softly, taking my hand into hers. I usually hate people touching me but something about Moms, Dads, and Grandmas touch makes me feel safe and warm.

The room went quiet for a moment, awaiting my reply. Mom's gaze was on me but dad's eyes were scattering all around the kitchen. "I can do it, I can stay here alone." I breathed, I don't know why that seemed so hard. I feel like I'm moving forward.

"Okay, I'll contact the twins and let them know what's going on." Mom smiled softly, grabbing her phone and walking away. Dad was awfully quiet but he soon followed her, patting my back and leaving the kitchen.

Leaving me alone with my thoughts.

Thoughts are like a small child and the pool, if you jump too far you might drown. My thoughts consume me like a moth and a flame.

My head feels heavier than if I carried dad on my shoulders. It's so heavy but my body is strong enough to hold it. But just barely.

It's like a weight pushing down on me, waiting for me to crumble but I never allow that to happen. Mom and Dad think I need to cry but tears are like rain in the ocean, they don't do anything but build up.

I can't help but think about all the women in my life that have been more of a mother than my own mother. Hell, I've had school principals that were more involved in my life than her. Never missed one softball game. But, at the end of the day, none of those women compare to Lizzie.

My mom.

Maybe this time she will be here, or maybe not.

Maybe I was too hard on her, or maybe it's what she needed to hear.

'Maybe you need to get a grip on your own life.'

I've tried to fight the impossible, to find myself. But, on the way to make myself better, I lost more of myself that I barely had left.

I let my thoughts consume me the same way prey does when they realize they've already lost to a predator.

'Once you're too far gone you'll never come back fully. A part of you will forever be lost.'

Maybe they were right, I just never listened.

I guess they were worth listening to.

"Sav? What are you still doing here?" Mom's voice broke me out of my trance, I looked around for a moment and realized I was indeed still in the kitchen. The same spot they left me in, "I, um, I don't know actually." I stuttered out, I could tell she was concerned but I shook it off.

I felt a soft, warm hand on me and realized it was just mom. "Hey, whatever you're thinking of, just know it's gonna be okay. Don't let it weigh on you too much." She smiled, she always knows how to brighten the mood, no matter what she does.

"How about when I get back we do something together? Just me and you, how does that sound?" She asked, slowly starting to smile when I nodded and smiled back at her. "Yes! Can we have a movie marathon?" I questioned, excitedly. As she was going to respond the doorbell rang.

Mom got up and walked toward the living room as dad came downstairs to check the door. "Were you expecting someone?" He asked as he rushed down the stairs. I shook my head and started walking up the stairs.

"What the hell?" Dad muttered, looking back and forth between mom and I. "Who is it?" Mom asked my father as he looked back through the peephole.

"Scarlett?"

At this point I quit, I turned from the door and went straight to my room.