Lily

Chapter 20: Sarah

The weekend breeze shook the leaves of the tree, breaking the silence. We had all tied ribbons around the only tree that hadn't burnt down in the fire. Usually people light candles but we all collectively decided that it wasn't an appropriate choice given the circumstances.

Just as I had never witnessed a waterfall silently gush, I had never witnessed the bereaved weep so silently until now. I suppose none of us had the energy to do anything but look at the tree in admiration of its determination to live, wishing our loved ones were able to do the same.

I looked at Mr and Mrs Jafin and then at Tommy who was next to me. I hoped and prayed he wouldn't stand next to me, that he'd walk past me, because I reek of guilt and shame and that's not exactly a smell I want wafting up people's nose. Especially him as he hates seeing me upset or showing pity. The scars on his legs, arms and face hadn't yet healed but it was certainly a step in the right direction.

"I wanted them to be my parents-in-laws one day." He whispered.

"And I wanted to be Mariam's bridesmaid. We don't always get what we want."

"Are you going to talk to them?"

"I'll think about it." How could I even dare to look in their eyes, knowing their daughter's life was swapped for mine, I barely mustered up the courage to look at Tommy's, bless his soul.

I looked at Jake and the poor-excuse-for-a-human next to him.They both stood at the back, away from the crowd. There was still no sign of Hannah which, I'll admit, got me more than a little worried. I was making my way to them when Mariam's parents stopped me.

"Hi."

"Hello."

Mrs Jafin hugged me. "I'm so glad you're okay."

"I'm not." The words just slipped out and I bit my tongue as a punishment.

"What do you mean by that?" Mr Jafin looked at his wife and back at me.

"Nothing. I just wish I could have done more for her. I should have gone back for her but instead I ran out, like a coward. I am a coward."

The two stared at me blankly.

"I really did try. But the elevator wasn't working and the ceiling began to collapse blocking the way to the stairs. I couldn't go back. Not for Mariam, not for anyone." The floodgates began to open. "I don't know if he's real but I tried praying that I could be the one to die instead of Mariam. I try everyday but reality is still the same. I'm so sorry for-"

"Do you have any idea of what you're saying now?"

I stopped. "Huh?"

"Our daughter didn't lose her life for you to waste yours."

Mrs Jafin agreed. "You of all people should know how precious life is. Don't waste it on what could have been and should have been. Your parents would cry if they heard that."

"They're at work as always. They can't hear me."
Even if I wanted them too.

We all collectively sighed, Mr Jafin being the loudest. "Even so, I'm certain they care about you. If they don't we do at least. The day we met you we considered you our second daughter so please don't let us witness the death of another. One is more than enough for the next three lifetimes."

"Hi."

"Hi."

Well this is going swimmingly. We hadn't spoken in three days, I told you like you and all we can come up with is 'Hi'? We have really hit rock bottom.

Jack gave me a bottle of water and cleared his throat. "How you feeling?"

"As good as I'm ever going to get. The Jafins gave me the pep talk of my life."

"Hi, Sarah!"

"Hi, Lily."

Let me not go there today. If it was any other day, I would rip your hair out and tell you to stick it where the sun don't shine. But today is a solemn day and will be treated as such. Focus on the ribbons instead.

"Ready to hang them up?"

"No. I think we're gonna wait until everyone leaves."

"Why?"

"We don't wanna be a hindrance. After all, we weren't really affected like everyone else here."

"Don't talk nonsense. I know it's been just as hard on you and Hannah as it has been for me. You guys deserve to be here. Come hang your ribbons up."

They began to follow me. "Where's Hannah?"

Jake shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine. Lily? Do you have any ideas?"

"Nope. None."

"We'll just go to their house after the vigil, right Sarah?"

Before I could respond, Lily chimed in. "I don't really think that's necessary, right? They are allowed to have a breather sometimes, you know?"

"But Hannah's not one to bail on me."

Jake tied his ribbon to the tree. "What do you mean bail? They never showed up yesterday?"

"I think the question is, what do you mean by not one to bail? Didn't they bail on you on Monday. That's why you were caught in the fire in the first place."

"Lily!"

"What? Sorry Jake and sorry Sarah but Hannah just doesn't seem like a reliable person to me." She nonchalantly tied her ribbon. Me and Jake just stared at her, not really knowing what to feel. She just seemed quite laissez-faire about the whole thing.

"Jake, can we talk?"

"Sure."

"Ow!" Lily cried out. "I got a splinter in my finger."

"Ooh, let me see." Just like that Jake had forgotten he was meant to talk to me and was instead running with Lily to find a plaster.