Beauty of reading minds

Chapter 21

It's weird feeling to be with my friends again after what happened. Guess I'll never get rid of them. I'm happy for that.

"I think my little brother and his little girlfriend would want to speak some time alone. Let's move to common room before we will see something that even the best psychologist won't be able to heal us from"Tom said with voice of noble lord

"Eww Tom I'm not his girlfriend and we aren't going to do something that disgusting. Grow up " I said while smiling

They all left to go for a walk and wanted us to go too but we refused. Instead me and Matteo stayed here.

"I think I really love" Matheo told me as we were laying on his bed and he was playing with my hair

"No you don't"

"Why are you saying this? I really love you. I mean that"

"You'll get bored of me at one point and then we will just go back to being frenemies with this huge tension"

"That's not true. I'll never get bored of you"

"Oh please. Don't act like you never were thinking about it. That's just what you do. You're play-boy. You tell this to every girl and then you get bored you just pretend they don't exist anymore. And I'm not different than them. I'm not the girl that will change you or fix you. I'm the girl who'll just get past that because in matter of fact I'm the one who needs to be fixed. I'm the one who should be saved by someone who's strong enough to stay with me even if they can't stand me cause of my mood swings my anger issues my daddy issues or my personality. But there isn't person who would do that and stay with me no matter what so I'll just keep on living like this. Like unstoppable bitchy smoking alcoholic girl with so many issues "

He stayed quiet and I understood that I said some things I shouldn't. God I hate myself 

"Who are trying to trick? Everyone would want to be by your side until the end. You're just too blind to see that. It's not your fault you have daddy and anger issues. Your father just wasn't there for you and as a kid they didn't teach you how to deal with emotions so you tried to handle it by yourself but it's hard for you and that's fucking normal. You're not alcoholic bitch. You just find the peace in it because it numbs your pain and people are just saying you're bitch because you're honest brave and you're not pretending to be someone you're not. And smoking isn't that bad habit. Yes it's bad but it could be worse like self harm"

I froze. Worse like self harm? So he didn't notice it? He saw my upper thigh. How is ot possible he didn't see it? Oh god. How do I tell him this? I guess I just won't.

"Yeah. I guess you're right"

"Of course I'm right. I'm Matheo Riddle"

Soon enough he fell asleep and I went to open the window and went to light the cigarette. Well what can I say. I'm just a girl. How can he be so sure that he won't get bored and he won't leave me? I don't know a boy apart from Oliver that wouldn't leave relationship with me. Every boy apart from Matheo Harry Oliver and my friends hates me. I'm not complaining those are just facts. And girls don't like me neither. They say I'm attention seeker for hanging out with death eaters. I don't see them like that. I see them like my best friends who are the best people I could wish for in my life. When I'm down they're trying their best to make me smile again and I'm doing the same for them. We're all there for eachother. We're making sure none of us is left out. Those friends are the best thing that ever happened to me. I just somehow know that were never gonna go our separate ways. We'll always stick together. Not even Harry and his friends have this bond that we have. It's gift from heaven that I never ever want to lose. I love them more than anything. And I'll do anything I can to help them if they would need anything. 

Matheo was rolling from side to side and I decided to just throw out the cigarette that was already finished. I took two pieces of strawberry bubble gum and layed down next to him. I kissed his forehead and played with his dark brown hair. I'm scared I'll hurt him in some way. I love him but I hsve to also protect him. He was punished for defending me. I can't risk that anymore. I have to stop him from risking his life for me.