Tanya

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T A N Y A

 Life isn't always easy nor loves you softly

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Life isn't always easy nor loves you softly.  Thats what i learned when i turned 5, when i was left alone.
What can be more worse than witnessing your loved once death. I hate to admit that I witnessed their death, and i was so helpless to even do anything apart from just sitting and crying for them.

Like others i used to be cheerful once, someone who used to dance around in the house and even cry when get hurt. But what changed me so drastically that i don't smile or can even express my emotions. My aunt calls me a monster, maybe i am one.

I entered Stanford College when i turned 19, yeah maybe too late. i had an "accident" when i was 17 which made me lie in bed for almost two years but once i recovered i escaped that death bed i was on, i took admission in this college for one sole purpose and that was to find cues. My parent's love story started from Stanford itself. I was so eager to visit it someday with them as they promised to take me here. But maybe i didn't deserved such expensive date with them.

From the past three years i have been searching for there murdered like crazy, i have been working like a bulldog all day and night. I cant let anybody know i am still after those fucking killers, as i cant afford to waste my time on bed again. You might have no idea just how crazy i have gone just to find those who snatched my childhood, my reason to live and my sole love.

18 years, freaking 18 years and for people my parents never existed. Just who the heck did that. For this world or my "family" two lives were snatched away from earth. Little did they know, a new life was going to enter the world.  My brother who i wasn't even able to see was snatched away from me.

I cant stop blaming myself for being so helpless that time, if only i was not 4 if only i was capable enough to protect them. They would be here beside me, laughing and being all lovey dovey. Just a matter of "If". I never visited my parents grave, not that i never wanted to. I always miss them, at nights when it's thundering or at times when it's raining. I took an oath on my parents death, until i find the killer i wouldn't show them my face.

I know they are at better place, but wasn't it too harsh for 4 years old? Wasn't it too shocking for that little kid? Wasn't that heart wrenching for a little girl? It was! It was more than hurt, it was more than heartbreaking. It broke me to the extent that i don't feel alive, i feel like a shell who is breathing but dead.

Maybe thats why i was never able to smile, my reason to be happy or to laugh even cry was gone? Not that i didn't have people of my own. I did, i had and still do have the world's best person as my best friend, i have my Dadi(Grandmother). She is a major part of me to stay sane. Having them beside me isn't making me go insane yet.

I attended college after four days of leave, i had mild fever but my Dadi was worried enough to make me stay at home. She took care of my breakfast to changing my cold sheet on the forehead. Once I reached college i was welcomed with a tight hug which was from none other than my silly best friend Myra. And there she goes on and on with her gossips, she is cute but i can never say that to her on her face.

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