Castles crumbling (Taylor Swift's little sister)

Chapter 8

You were sitting there in the restaurant, looking anxiously at the menu not knowing what to order. Your mom noticed and suggested to share a plate that included different kinds of sushi. You thought it would be easy to get away with restricting that way, so you accepted.

The food came and you tried a bite of a California Roll, then a bite of the Philadelphia and came back to another California. You were definitely scared but were also enjoying the sushi so much, you missed it, it had been long since you ate sushi. Your mom excused herself to go to the bathroom and while she was gone, suddenly, your dad dropped the bomb:

- "So, Liz, your mother and your sister think you have an eating disorder..."

Your eyes opened, your jaw dropped, fear written all over your face. You stared at him, don't knowing if you should open up and ask for help. Eating that sushi reminded you of one of the things you were missing out on: moments with your loved ones around food. You considered telling him that you didn't think you were suffering from an eating disorder, but you definitely were not feeling okay with your body.

Scott continued: -"I want you to honestly tell me if you feel like you're struggling. I personally think you're just taking care of yourself, eating healthier, exercising. They think you're too thin, but I don't see it, I think you're perfectly healthy. To me, you are looking great, even perfect. So, tell me Liz, do you think you have an eating disorder? You and I both know that your mom and sister tend to overreact and exaggerate".

As he said that, your world crumbled: maybe he was right. Maybe you didn't have a problem after all, you were just being healthier. Maybe this was how it was supposed to feel like taking care of yourself around food and exercise. He said you looked great; he said you were perfect. So why did you have to change? Why did you have to ask for help when you were doing everything you were supposed to? You put your chopsticks down, swallowed your tears and said: - "I'm perfectly fine dad. I'm trying to be healthier, that's all". You were kind of irritated, since the day of the cookie offered as snack at school, you had been feeling that this was not normal. But, apparently, to your dad, it was. You didn't understand what you were feeling: a day ago you got mad at Taylor for suggesting you were struggling, but today you were furious at your dad for suggesting you were definitely not.

- "Great. Then there's nothing to worry about" Scott said

- "Yeah" you replied.

Andrea got back from the bathroom, and didn't know what had happened, but could definitely tell you were not okay. You zoned out, didn't speak, or eat anymore for the rest of lunch. Whenever they spoke to you, your response was rude and harsh. Andrea was seriously concerned.

When you got home you changed into workout clothes and went to the gym. You cried all the time while working out. You felt disgusting. While you were out, Andrea asked Scott what happened and he told her that while she was in the bathroom he asked you about the eating disorder thing and you said that you were perfectly fine, that there was no need to worry at all. However, Andrea decided to call Taylor and tell her how, after she left you alone with your dad, your attitude drastically changed.

- "Mom, I think you should talk to Lizzie on your own. Ask her what dad said, I'm pretty sure he said something that upset her. Lizzie and dad don't get along these days, I was hesitant about him leading the intervention, but I felt like it was not my place to tell him to let you lead it" Taylor said.

- "You're right darling. I'm going to try speaking to her when she gets back" Andrea replied.

- "Where is she?" Taylor asked.

- "She's at the gym."

- "She shouldn't be working out mom, she looks so fragile..." Taylor said concerned.

- "I know. I just don't know how to make her stop. I'll set up a doctor's appointment for as soon as possible. This situation cannot keep going like it is".

Andrea heard through the phone that someone was calling Taylor. - "I'm assuming that you need to go?"

- "Yeah mom. I must go, I'm sorry. Keep me updated, please. I'll try to be home as soon as I can, probably next week or the following one".

They hung up and Andrea waited for you in your room, sitting on your bed. The last thing you expected was to see your mom sitting there when you opened the door of your bedroom.

- "What are you doing here mom? What do you want?" You quickly realized that was no way of speaking to your mom and said, "I'm sorry mom, I shouldn't have spoken to you like that".

- "It's okay darling, thank you for acknowledging it. I want to talk to you. I want you to be honest with me, I'm going to be honest with you too" she said it so seriously you just nodded and sat beside her. She continued: "We took you out for lunch with your dad today because we wanted to talk to you about your eating habits. However, I was unaware that your dad was going to do it while I was in the bathroom. The truth is I'm really worried about you dear. I think you're not as fine as you say you are. You're sad, irritated, angry and anxious all the time. I'm gonna make a guess here: I think you are struggling mentally; you've always wanted things to be perfect and it's taking a toll on you. I'm not going to get mad at you, I love you so so much, if you need anything, whatever it is, I'm more than happy to give it to you. I just want you to be okay" Within the last sentence her voice broke a little.

You had no time to think, you just broke down crying and started to have trouble breathing. Andrea held your hands tightly and told you to copy her breathing. After a couple of minutes, you finally said sobbing: "You're right. I'm not okay. I need help. I'm sorry mom".

- "There's nothing to be sorry about Lizzie. Tell me what's going on" your mom asked still holding your hands.

- "I...I don't know mom. I don't know how or when this started but I just hate everything about myself. I hate my body; I hate that I'm not good enough. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I want to be able to not workout if I'm tired. I want to eat Taylor's cookies. I want to be able to enjoy life, to be happy, but it's just so hard. There's always this voice in my head telling me that if eat something that's not healthy, that if I don't workout, I'm going to get even more fat and then I'm gonna hate myself even more. I want my mind to stop screaming at me but it's stronger than me. I've tried so hard to eat the cookies, to rest, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Sometimes I feel like I've lost control, but other times control is all I want".

Andrea's heart broke, she did her best to swallow back the tears building in her eyes and said "Thank you for telling me this Lizzie. I know that it's hard for you to believe me but you're not fat baby and resting won't harm you. I want to help you. I will do my best to help you. I'm going to schedule some appointments with professionals who know how to help. You will get through this".

You panicked, which professionals was your mom talking about? You didn't want to go to the doctor, deep down you knew this wasn't normal, but you thought that a doctor would say the same as your dad: you were just trying to be healthy, that's it, you didn't have an eating disorder. Your mother noticed your panic spiral and, once again, told you to follow her breathing. That night you cried for hours, once you thought you've stopped, you would start to panic again. Your mother left your room only for 10 minutes to say goodbye to your dad who was leaving for Madrid, but other than that, she didn't leave your side that night.