Castles crumbling (Taylor Swift's little sister)

Chapter 18

You woke up feeling numbed and tired, immediately checked your phone just to find that the nutritionist had sent an email that contained some basic guides for the meal plan she was going to give to you on Monday. However, she decided to send these recommendations meanwhile because they couldn't afford you losing any more weight over the weekend, they needed you to at least maintain until Monday that the program started, they were very worried about your heart. The mail said that you must eat 5 times a day (breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack and dinner) and preferably, include protein, vegetables, and carbohydrates in the three main meals. You felt so overwhelmed reading the mail, you started panicking but were able to avoid a full-blown panic attack. You went downstairs to find Taylor having coffee with your mom. It was great to see her, but you knew she was here probably to help your mom to deal with you on your recovery, so it was going to be awkward to have that conversation in which you finally had to accept that you were struggling and getting help even when you told her that you were absolutely fine the last time she was home. But you were wrong, of course she was here to help your mom, but she was mainly here to help and support YOU.

- "Liz! I've missed you so much" she said running towards you and hugging you.

- "Hey Tay, I've missed you too. How are you doing? How did the filming of the clip finally go?"

- "It went great. As soon as the editors finish it, I'll show it to you. What about you?" She asked giving you a concerned look.

- "Well... it's been rough for the last couple days, but I'm fine" you answered looking away and wishing she wouldn't want to have a talk about it. You knew it had to happen, but you wanted to delay it as much as it was possible. Taylor knew it, and thought it was better to talk just the both of you, without your mom present, so she just hugged you again.

You walked to the kitchen and started to prepare your usual breakfast and asked if they had eaten already, which they nodded to. Yet, Taylor remembered how it was easier for her to eat in her recovery if someone else was eating too; so, she said that she would join you for breakfast while she was eating her morning snack. Your eyes lighted, you said nothing, but it helped and ease your racing mind to know that Taylor was going to have morning snack, that meant that you were not going to be the only one having morning snack (even if it was later than Taylor). It was going to be easier to eat 5 times a day if someone else was also doing it. Taylor said she was having a granola bar, took it out from a cabinet and sat in the table waiting for you to join her after finishing prepping your bowl.

- "Elizabeth, add some granola to your yogurt and fruit" your mom said across the living room

- "Okay" you said anxiously.

You sat down and stared at your breakfast for a few seconds before compulsively touching your collarbones. Taylor noticed and reached for your hand, sitting in front of you.

- "Come on baby, take the spoon."

You took it and reached for a raspberry, then quickly put it inside your mouth. Andrea came to the kitchen, poured some coffee in a mug, and also sat at the table. She stared quietly and watched how you slowly ate your breakfast as Taylor encouraged you. You were halfway done when you said:

- "I'm full. I can't eat anymore".

Your mom said with an almost angry voice: - "You know that you're supposed to be having the whole bowl, come on".

- "I have had more than enough. I'm not eating anymore" you said with tears building in your eyes.

- "You are not standing from here until you finish the whole thing" your mom replied.

- "Then I'm not standing for the rest of the day" you said pushing the plate away from you.

Taylor watched the scene but stayed in silence. After 15 minutes in which you didn't move a single muscle and looked defiantly at your mom, Andrea couldn't take it anymore and stood up. She gathered her stuff and put it inside her bag, said she was going for a walk, and left. Taylor was shocked, when she was struggling of course she had fights over food with mom, but she didn't recall Andrea walking out like that. You were about to open your mouth to scream begging your mom to don't leave, but nothing came out. You looked at Taylor's blue eyes and did your best to grab the spoon again, but all you could do was cry.

- "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." you sobbed uncontrollably.

- "Shhh, it's okay. It's okay" Taylor said calming you down.

- "I don't know why I became so defiant; you know I'm not like that" you said trying to catch your breath.

- "I know. I know. Try to finish your breakfast baby, let's give it a try". Taylor said trying to calm you down.

- "Okay." You picked up the spoon and slowly grabbed some yogurt, then moved it steadily to your mouth. You cried during every bite, but you finished the whole thing. You picked up your phone and called your mom, surprisingly she picked up:

- "Yeah?"

- "I finished my breakfast. Please come back" you begged.

- "Okay. I'm coming"

It turned out Andrea didn't even start the car, she just sat crying in silence for the entire 25 minutes it took you to finish eating breakfast. She opened the front door and Taylor, and you looked each other confused, she came back so quickly. Your mom approached, hugged you and said:

- "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left like that. I don't know why I did it" your mom said.

-I'm also sorry. I don't know why I backtalked like that either. I love you mom."

- "I love you too, sweetie."

In yours and your mom's mind everything was fine, but Taylor knew better. She knew that once you started the outpatient program, it was most likely that you were going to struggle more, so it was not sustainable for you and your mother to have those kind of fights where she walked away because you refused to eat, it gave you the perfect chance to restrict: you could just throw away the food, which was probably what would've happened this time if Taylor wasn't there when your mom walked away in distress.

Fortunately, at least to you, no one pushed you to have morning snack, so you did not remember them either. You puzzled with Taylor and your mom after you showered and dressed, when time for lunch was getting closer; your mom asked:

- "What would you like for lunch, girls?"

You internally panicked. But tried to keep it cool:

- "Mmmm what about some soup? It's a really cold day" soup was one of your safe foods and it was, in fact, raining outside.

- "Great idea! I'll make some vegetable soup with chicken and pasta" your mom replied.

- "NO! No, no pasta" you said panicking.

- "You know that you also need to include carbohydrates at lunch, darling" your mom said.

You knew there was no way out of it, so you nodded and said absolutely nothing but started to body check compulsively. Taylor held your hands in hers and took them away from your body, calming you down. Your mom said she was going to cook, and Taylor told her she was going to help her right after, she waited for a couple of minutes for your breath to catch its normal pace again and asked:

- "Wanna puzzle while lunch is ready or wanna come down and help us?" She asked.

- "I think I'll just stay here and puzzle" you answered.

As you heard Taylor steps going downstairs, you stood up and hid in the bathroom. You compulsively did jumping jacks for fifteen minutes, then drank some water and sat down to puzzle until they called you for lunch. Everything happened as you planned and even though you fell anxious at lunch, you were way less uneasy about the pasta because you exercised. You washed the dishes and then watched a movie with Taylor and your mom. The rest of the day went quite smooth, no one seemed to remember that you were supposed to have afternoon snack, so you didn't say anything either. For dinner you had some soup leftovers and did another 15 minutes of jumping jacks before bed hiding in the bathroom.

Hey! So, I know I said today's update will be a double one. However, the upcoming chapter is really long (like REALLY long). I was wondering: what do you prefer? I could upload it right now (but there's a great chance that there will be no update tomorrow, since I need to do some school work and I would have no time to write), or I could wait till tomorrow to upload it. Also, I'd like to know how do you feel about longer chapters? Are you okay with them, or do you prefer shorter ones?