Castles crumbling (Taylor Swift's little sister)

Chapter 10

The next morning your mom woke you up at 6am. You got up, showered and before dressing you hesitated whether you should weight yourself before the appointment, just to know what to expect. However, the fear of not having lost weight since the last time you stepped on the scales (which was before you started to "eat healthier") filled your mind. You preferred not to do it and quickly threw on your uniform. You received a text from Taylor:

"Good morning, Baby. Just wanted to wish you luck today at the doctors. You are so strong, getting help is one of the biggest steps. Let them help you. You'll be just fine. I love you so much. We will get through this. Xoxo"

Your eyes watered, but you didn't want to cry and get to the appointment with big, red, puffy eyes. So, you just answered "Love you too Tay, thank you xoxo".

Your mom prepped you breakfast but you were so anxious you just had some strawberries. You both jumped into the car and said no word until you both were about to leave the car. Andrea turned your chin towards her and said, "It will be okay darling, please let us help you". You nodded and told her you needed a minute; you looked outside of the window: all you saw was lovely houses, they looked like houses in which happy families lived, not eating disorder treatment centers. You swallowed back your tears and got off the car. You walked inside one of the houses, your mom was holding your hand and could feel your sweat. Your mom rang the doorbell and a woman of about 50 years opened the door, she introduced as Lucy and told you she was part of the cooking team, she greeted you and led both of you to the waiting room. You sat down on the couch as your mom approached to a man that was sitting behind one of the three desks in the waiting room. You started to look everything around you: it was definitely a family house that had been adjusted to whatever this was. What looked like the living room had been suited as the waiting room, there were three desks, two were occupied by two women that were answering calls and the other one was occupied by the man your mom just approached to. Your mom introduced herself and said she had scheduled an appointment for her daughter, Elizabeth Swift. The man introduced himself as David, the financial officer, and told your mother he was going to announce Dr. Maine that you were already here for the appointment. Your mother came back to the couch and sat by your side for what felt like an eternity, but in reality, just 5 minutes later Dr. Maine came, greeted you and leaded you to her office, but before sitting down she said:

- "Hello Elizabeth and Mrs. Swift, I'm Dr. Maine, one of the psychiatrists of the center, it's a pleasure to meet you. How are you feeling today Elizabeth?"

Your mom smiled at her, and you said:

- "I'm feeling good, thank you."

- "Well, first of all, I'd like to speak to Elizabeth alone. Then I'll call you in here, Mrs. Swift. Is it okay with you Elizabeth?"

- "Yeah" you replied.

- "Okay, so your mom will be sitting in the waiting room" Dr. Maine said.

- "I'll be right there darling, I love you" your mom said.

You gave her a nervous smile and sat down, while Dr. Maine closed the door.

- "So, I know that your mom made the appointment for you. But I want you to tell me why do you think she did it? What do you think that you're doing here?" The doctor said as she opened a notebook and waited for you to start speaking up, probably to write down everything you said.

- "Hmmm. My mom and my sister say that I have a problem around food. They think that I'm not eating enough and exercising too much. They say I'm anxious, irritated, and sad all the time" you said avoiding eye contact with her.

- "Alright. And do you think that they're right?" She asked.

- "I mean...I'm sad and irritated, that's true. But I don't think I have a problem with food, I think I'm just trying to be healthier".

- "What do you mean by "healthier"? Does that relate to food and exercise?"

- "You know, I watch what I eat, I avoid eating bad stuff like sweets, food that's high in fat, sugar, carbs. And I do exercise, maybe more than I did before but I don't think that it's "too much"" You answered.

- "What happens if you eat "bad stuff" as you called it? What do you feel when you cannot workout as much as you'd like? Do you get anxious? What do you think that's going to happen to your body?"

- "I feel bad, even guilty sometimes. I think that I'm going to get even more fat."

- "And what do you do to stop those thoughts and feelings?"

- "Sometimes I stop eating for a while, to make up for it, you know? Or I exercise more."

- "Do you think about calories? Do you track the calories you consume or the calories you burn?"

- "Yeah...I have this notebook in which I write everything I eat and the calories that I'm eating, as well as the calories I burn working out."

- "Elizabeth, how does doing everything you told me about: the calorie tracking, exercising, and restricting as a way of compensation, etc. make you feel? Do you think everyone that wants to be healthier does it?"

- "Hmmm... I don't know. There's this part of me that tells me that it's not normal, that normal people don't go around worrying about a cookie they ate three days ago or whether it would make them fat. But there's this other part of me that tells me that if want to be healthier, then this is what I must be doing. I'm gonna be completely honest with you... My mom and my sister have been insisting on the need of getting help, they think that I'm sick. But I don't feel sick, I don't think I am, I just feel bad about my body and what food is going to do to the way it looks sometimes. But doesn't everyone? I don't feel like this is as serious as they think it is."

- "What makes you feel and think that this isn't as serious as they say?

- "My dad told me that I was looking great. He said that mom and Taylor always tend to overreact."

- "Alright, thank you for being honest. Now I'm going to ask you go to this bathroom, take off your clothes, stay only in your underwear and put on the robe that's hanging behind the door. I'm going to do a quick checkup".

You knew she was going to weight you. You were terrified but you also thought that you did a great job convincing her that you were fine, so you walked into the bathroom trying to appear confident and calm. You did what she told you and got out only wearing the said robe. She took your vitals and said: - "So...your heart rate is below the normal range, how are you feeling? Any dizziness? Headache?"

- "Nope, none of those. I'm feeling fine".

She continued taking your blood pressure and said it was also a little bit lower than the normal range. Then she took your temperature and asked if you were feeling cold, because it was also a little low too. You answered you always felt freezing cold, even when other people around you said they weren't. Finally, she asked you to step on the scales. You did and were surprised by the number, you have definitely lost weight since the last time you weighted yourself, it was not a lot of weight (at least for you), but it was surely more than you thought you could've lost. You were confused but tried not to show any emotion to the doctor.

She wrote down everything down and told you it was time for your mom to come, so you went into the bathroom to change into your uniform again. When you came out from the bathroom, your mom was sitting down and Dr. Maine said "So I would like to get some blood work done, unfortunately we can't do it in here, so I could write a prescription for the procedure to be done. Her heart rate, temperature and blood pressure are low. Her weight is also at the lower end of the percentile considered healthy for her height and age. I'd also like for you to schedule an appointment with the nutritionist and another with a psychology specialist. You can book both appointments at the front desk with Nelly, the receptionist. This is a multidisciplinary program, so it's necessary that Elizabeth's checked by the nutritionist, the psychologist, and the psychiatrist. After you're assessed by all the professionals, then we can decide what works best for you, which steps we should be following in your recovery".

Your eyes opened wide in shock. What was this doctor talking about? Recovery? You thought. It was a mistake coming here. You didn't need to recover from anything, you were not sick, you just needed someone to talk to a few times for a short period of time. That was it.

Dr. Maine continued: - "And last but not least,  I'd like to listen to you Mrs. Swift, why do you bring Elizabeth in?"

You listened your mom telling the doctor everything about your behavior. She said that you had lost a lot of weight, that you restricted food and have gotten pickier with which foods you ate, she said that you over exercised. She said that she feared you might be depressed. She said you were not laughing as you did before, that she was worried because she knew you cried a lot during the nights, that she could see the dry tears on your sunken cheeks every morning. Finally, she told the doctor about the day you fainted at school, and she said she felt guilty because she knew something was wrong but was in denial about it.

You wanted to scream and run away. For a second you even believed what your mom was saying, you fought the voice inside your head and tried convincing yourself that this was not normal. You felt guilty for making her feel like that, she looked so heartbroken. You thought no one noticed that you cried most of the nights. You didn't know what to do. You didn't want your mom to feel this way, but you didn't feel bad enough to actually try to get better either.

The doctor thanked your mom for being honest and told her that she did the right thing bringing you there. You both went to the front desk to book the appointments Dr. Maine talked about before. David said that the nutritionist was available that same afternoon at 4pm, your mom didn't hesitate on taking the spot. Then he said that there was an appointment available with the psychologist within 2 days, that meant Wednesday. Problem was, it was at 8am and you refused to get late again to school, so you begged to have the appointment at another time. David said there was another available at 6pm on Thursday, your mom agreed and booked that one.


Hey! So, I know this was a long chapter and it's kinda confusing how Elizabeth got really upset when her dad told her that she was just being healthier and didn't have a problem, yet she also tried to convince Dr. Maine that she was fine. I just wanted to portray how twisted and illogical the eating disorder can be: you want to scream for help, but somehow get convinced that you don't deserve it and you're not sick enough.

I hope you're enjoying the story so far :)