Trust Fall || Hwang Hyunjin

18

I stand there in the rain, embracing the cold as it slices through me, freezing me to the bone. I wondered if my dad would come back tonight. Probably not, he was always busy, along with my brother. I missed when me and him would sneak to each other's room in the middle of the night and sit up for hours just talking and eventually our dad would come in and tell us to go to bed, knowing what was happening the whole time.

I remembered one time when I was six I had just broken my leg while playing with my friends. I was crying almost all day because I couldn't be the sunflower in the school play anymore. That night he snuck into my room with my favorite snacks and comforted me. 

Once I stopped crying we watched funny videos of people completely bombing their part in the play until I was crying from laughter. He slept on the floor next to my bed that night.

Without realizing it, hot tears started rolling down my face as I missed how my family used to be. I collapsed onto my knees, fat sobs raking through my body. I pulled them up to my chest and let the rain wash my tears away. I laid my head on top of my knees. 

I sat there for a while just thinking about old memories until I heard the door burst open. 

"NABI! ARE YOU UP HERE?!?" I heard Hyunjin calling me but couldn't bring myself to lift my head. "OH MY GOSH! Have you been up here since lunch? You missed all the classes after lunch. I asked around because I couldn't find you and I was worried and people said they hadn't seen you after lunch."

Wow, had I really been up here all day? It felt like ten minutes. I still couldn't form words through my tears and silent sobs, so I kept my head down.

When I didn't respond he gently grabbed my head and pulled it up and spoke in a soft voice. "Nabi?" He looked at me but I couldn't look him in the eye. "Nabi . . . Look at me, please," he spoke with a soft, pleading tone. I slowly brought my eyes to him.

His eyes made me want to cry again.

I wondered how someone as loving and kind and genuine and amazing could care about me. When I met his eyes, another sod rocked through me and then sadness passed through his eyes.

He pulled me into a hug and started to stroke my hair as he held me on his lap. I sobbed harder as he did this and he just continued to hold me, not caring that it was still raining and that he was getting soaked.

He continued to hold me until my sobs quieted and only the tears were left. He brushed the hair out of my face and planted a soft kiss on my forehead and then placed his chin on my head. "We should go in before you get a cold," when he said this I moved to stand up, but he picked me up before I could stand up.

 He brought me out to his car, put me in the front seat and walked over to the driver side. "I'm gonna bring you to my house and get you cleaned up. You should text your mom."

I looked out the window for a minute before grabbing my phone from my backpack. It wasn't soaked because I left it in my locker after lunch. I went to text my mom and just told her that I was gonna stay at a friend's house for a while. She didn't have to know that I had a boyfriend or that I was going to his house. She would probably have an aneurysm.

I set my phone in my lap and looked out the window while trying to wipe the last of my tears away. It was silent the whole way to his house but I could see out of the corner of my eye that he kept throwing me worrying glances.

When we pulled up, I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even realize that we pulled up until he set his hand on my thigh. Butterflies exploded in my stomach as he looked at me.

"Nabi? Are you ok?" He looked at me with a caring/worried expression. I bit my lip to hold in the tears that threatened to spill over as I shook my head. 

He leaned over and softly kissed me then got out and walked to my door. He opened it and embraced me in a hug again and picked me up. He carried me inside and I buried my head in his shoulder. (I think I'm in love with him. Sad because i never will be with him) He brought me up to his room and set me at a desk chair. 

"I'll be right back," he quickly excited the room and left me to think. I looked around his room again, taking in the beauty of it. As I looked around I noticed something that I hadn't before.

There was a quote on the wall. It said, "I want to feel everything. I want to embrace it with my whole heart." I sat there wondering what it meant as he walked in.

He handed me a glass of hot cocoa, "Here, take this. My sister left for college and left her clothes here because they didn't fit her anymore. I tried to find something that fits you and is comfortable. If You don't like it, just tell me and I can go find something else," he nervously grabbed the back of his neck and handed me the clothes. 

"Thank you, I'm sure I will love them. But umm... could you uhh..." He realized what I was saying and stepped out so I could change. It was a pair of the most comfortable leggings I have ever worn and a sweater that was super soft. I put them on and called him back in, "Hyunjin, you can come in now. I love it, by the way. Thank you."

"Anytime," he paused for a second, "what's happening? Why did you ignore me, stay outside in the rain all day and only come inside after I found you sobbing on the rooftop? Do you want to break up? Is that why you were ignoring me?" A worried expression came over his face.

"NO, no... thats, that's not it. I just," I sighed, "I don't know. I'm just struggling to deal with something."

"So then tell me about it, that's what people do in relationships. They tell each other things so that they don't have to go through it by themselves," He pulled me over to his bed and we both sat down.

"I just don't want to worry you. Besides, it's not even that important, you would probably think I'm just being petty," I sighed again and he grabbed my hands.

"I promise to you, I wont think it's petty. And it must be important to you because you have been so sad about it, and it's important to me if it's important to you."

Earlier I was sure I couldn't love any more, but here we are.

I sighed one more time before talking, "A couple years ago, my dad got sued and we lost almost all our money, so he has been gone on business trips and meetings and stuff like that and my brother went to college so he hasn't been here either. 

"Then, last night, right after you left, my dad walked up.  He asked what I was doing out so late and I made up a stupid reason. Then I told him that we should get sleep but he told me he had more work to do. 

"He told me he was there because he wanted to surprise my mom but then, this morning I found a note that said he was gone because of a meeting and that I shouldn't tell mom he was there, but that he left me cookies. I went to see what they were and they were oatmeal raisins, which is my least favorite. I wasn't upset because he got me a kind that I didn't like, but I was upset because my father didn't know me anymore. 

"And I know I sound petty and that I should be grateful that I got to see him, but it feels like I don't have a father anymore." 

I was struggling to keep the tears in at this point, "And when we were younger, my brother was my best friend and we did everything together and now he is gone all the time too."

He pulled me into a hug and responded with a soft voice, "You don't sound petty, you haven't seen your brother in a year and you barely see your father and your mother is always working. I will always be here to help you when you are feeling lonely, to help you feel better if you are sad, and I will always be here to catch you. I will always be here because I love you too and I will leave you or hurt you."

Tears were already rolling down my cheeks by the time he finished talking. He hugged me tighter and kissed me softly. He pulled me down to lay next to him and wrapped his arms around my waist.

After I calmed again, we laid there just talking about random stuff and laughing at stupid jokes that the other made. It was a moment of pure happiness that I would always remember.