𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐥'𝐬 𝐒𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭 | 𝟏𝟖+

48

Eight weeks have flown by, and today is the day we finally get to bring our little girl home. Faith has been given the all-clear, and I can't stop smiling as Damien and I get ready to head back to Luis' compound.

I keep glancing back at Faith, making sure she's okay in her car seat. Damien reaches over and squeezes my hand, giving me a reassuring smile. As we pull up to the main house, I see Luis standing right at the door, waiting for us. I can tell he couldn't wait to see Faith. The moment we step out of the car, Luis' eyes are locked on our baby girl.

I carefully lift Faith out of her car seat, cradling her in my arms. I walk towards Luis and see a softness in his demeanor that I've never witnessed before. It's like all his tough exterior just melts away in the presence of our little girl.

"May I hold the little princesa?" Luis asks, his voice gentle.

"Of course," I reply, carefully placing Faith in his waiting arms.

Luis gazes down at her, a tender smile on his face. "She's beautiful," he murmurs, and I can see the love and adoration in his eyes.

Seeing Luis holding Faith, being so gentle and loving with her, fills my heart with joy. I never thought I'd see this side of him, but here he is, completely enamored with our baby girl.

After a few moments, Luis carefully hands Faith back to me. I hold her close, feeling the warmth of her little body against my chest. Damien puts his arm around my shoulders, and together, we walk to the guest house.

Damien and I spend the next few hours getting settled, unpacking our baby stuff and setting up Faith's bassinet. Every now and then, I find myself just staring at our baby girl, in awe of how perfect she is.

I sit down on the bed, cradling Faith in my arms. Damien sits beside me, his hand resting gently on my knee. We stay like that for a while, just watching our little girl sleep. But soon, my mind begins to wander.

I want to go back home.

Thoughts of Penny start to creep into my head, and I feel my heart clench with pain. I try to push the memories away and focus on the beautiful little girl in my arms, but it's no use. The floodgates open, and I find myself crying silent tears, once again mourning the loss of my firstborn daughter.

I hoped that somehow, Faith would fill the void left by Penny's absence, that the love I have for my new baby would somehow ease the ache in my heart.

I want my Penny back.

It's not that I don't love Faith with every fiber of my being – I do. I'm so grateful for her. But I will always wonder what life would be like if Penny were here with us too.

The pain is like a dull, constant ache that I've learned to live with, but never truly fades. I wish Penny could be here to meet her baby sister. I wish I could hold both my girls in my arms and watch them grow up together. I know that can never be. Penny is gone, and no amount of wishing or hoping will ever bring her back.

Damien wraps his arms around me, pulling me close. He looks at me with concern in his eyes. "Are you okay, baby?" he asks softly.

I take a deep breath, trying to compose myself. "Yes, I just...I miss Penny so much,"

Damien pulls me even closer, planting a gentle kiss on my forehead. "I know, baby."

Faith begins to cry, her little voice piercing the air. Instantly, I feel a surge of panic and I find myself desperately trying to soothe Faith.

Damien, gently takes Faith from my arms. "It's okay, Cat...why don't you get some sleep? I got her."

I hesitate for a moment, reluctant to let go of my baby girl. But the exhaustion is overwhelming, and I know that I really need to rest. So I nod, carefully placing Faith in Damien's waiting arms.

I watch him hold her, cradling her as if she's the most precious thing in the world, his strong hands are gentle and protective. I can see the love and adoration in his eyes.

Damien begins to walk around the room, rocking Faith and murmuring soothing words to her. His voice is soft and calming, and I can see our little girl start to settle, her cries slowly fading into quiet whimpers.

This is the father my daughter deserves, the one who will love her unconditionally and always put her needs first. I let myself relax, let the exhaustion take over as I watch the love of my life care for our precious baby girl.

︻デ═一

Faith wakes up crying every two hours like clockwork, and it's really taking a toll on Damien and me. We both look like zombies with these dark circles under our eyes. I somehow forgot how tough having a newborn can be. It's just non-stop.

Faith's starts to cry again. I jump out of bed, my heart racing as I rush to pick her up before she wakes Damien. As I'm rocking Faith, trying to get her to settle down, I suddenly start bawling my eyes out for no reason at all. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just feel so sad and hopeless.

After a while, Faith finally falls asleep, and I put her back in her bassinet. I head to the bathroom, just needing a moment to myself. And of course, the first thing I see in the half open medicine cabinet is my Xanax bottle.

I grab the bottle, my hands shaking slightly as I unscrew the cap. I pour a few pills into my palm, hesitating for just a moment before tossing them back and swallowing them down with water from the sink.

I find myself wandering into the kitchen, the alcohol cabinet drawing me in with its promise of temporary relief.

I grab a bottle of vodka, unscrew the cap and pour myself a shot, the clear liquid sloshing into the glass. I don't even hesitate before knocking it back, feeling the burn as it slides down my throat. It's been so long since I've had a drink, but damn, I forgot how good it feels.

I pour another shot, and then another, each one going down easier than the last. I'm not even bothering with a chaser at this point, just letting the vodka work its magic, numbing all the pain and anxiety that's been eating me alive.

I remember why I used to love drinking so much. All my problems just melt away, like I can finally breathe without the weight of the world crushing me.

Shot after shot, I keep going, chasing that feeling of relief, of escape.

All I want is to forget and drown out the voices in my head that keep telling me I'm not good enough and that I'll fail as a mother, again.