Acceptance

I missed you

Forgot to mention that I will be switching from Lindsey's to Stevie's POV as I wanted to write this story in first person and I can't do it otherwise. 

~

Stevie's POV

I couldn't sleep this morning as I usually do. I woke up and it was just after 8 am. Mick is still sound asleep by my side and I half smile looking down at him. We've been together for nearly two years now and it's been going great. We're keeping it under wraps, because it doesn't work otherwise. We've always been really close friends, so whenever the media catches us out and about, they never make a fuss about it, just Stevie Nicks and Mick Fleetwood having dinner at one place or another. Honestly, I have to say this has been my best relationship I've ever had, it's calm and there's respect between each other and I know he loves me and I love him. But more often than not I've been thinking whether this is what I want? We're almost like an old married couple and it's lacking what I've always craved - passion. 

I don't bother wearing a bra, pulling a summery dress over my head. Since I had my implants taken out and then the reduction, my breasts are looking better than ever, about which Mick makes comments all the time and that has started making me feel rather uncomfortable. I don't know why, but it... God, now that I think about it, most of the things he does annoy me.

Walking down the stairs, I can smell coffee and I know Lindsey is up early too. He smiles as I enter the kitchen. "You want a cup?"

I nod, sitting at the breakfast bar. "Yes, please."

"Can I say something?" 

I swallow uneasily, with Lindsey it could be anything. "Go ahead."

"You look amazing, Stevie. You seem so well rested and you haven't aged at all."

"I have, trust me. There's a reason why this dress isn't skin tight around me!" I laugh it off and try to hide myself blushing. "I missed you, Linds." It just flies out of my mouth and it's the last thing I should have said.

"I missed you too." He sets the coffee in front of me, sipping on his own. 

We chat for a while, both clearly having loosened up since yesterday. Then I realize, he doesn't even know about me and Mick. Or maybe he does... It doesn't take long for him to ask anyway.

"You're dating?"

"We live together, we're past dating." I reply and Lindsey puts his empty cup into the sink and scratches the back of his head. 

"I... I forgot something upstairs." He obviously lies and leaves me alone.

Two or so hours pass and Christine arrives with John, at last! I need a friend right now, badly. There's no one else I'd want to talk to, knowing Chris won't hold back and tell me exactly what she thinks, but I leave it for later. 

The guys, mostly Mick and John, are laughing in the living room, talking about something teenage-like, I'm sure. Those two are the best friends and when they get together, I couldn't matter less to Mick. Knowing each other for so many years and they still find things to talk about.

Christine comes up to me, putting a hand on my shoulder, as I'm refilling Bella's water bowl. "Are you okay, Stevie?"

"I'm not sure."

"Alright... Well, would you like to talk about it?"

"I need to." 

She pulls me into a hug, then smiles drawing back. "Just catch me whenever."

Today goes pretty much like yesterday did. We listen through some of my, Lindsey's and Chris' demos, discuss them, discuss the album we thought of recording and such. We have dinner at home tonight and when all the dishes are washed, Christine takes a bottle of wine and takes me by the hand, as we go up the stairs.

"Don't be naughty just by yourselves!" Mick calls out and I just roll my eyes, sure that Chris already knows what we'll be talking about.

I push the sliding door to aside, stepping out onto the balcony and Christine follows. We sit down and she fills up our glasses. I lean my head back, closing my eyes. Since when did this get so hard? 

"What's wrong? Are things going rough for you two?" Chris and John are of the very few people who know about the relationship. 

"Everything is just fine. Really. Things are perfect."

"Then what the fuck?" 

I laugh at her bluntness and shrug. "Mick is my friend."

"How is that bad?"

"It's not. What I'm saying is that he's my best friend, but it's harder and harder for me to see him as my partner."

"Stevie, it's been almost two years since you started seeing each other! How did it take you so long to figure that out?"

"It wasn't long after rehab and he was there for me. I love him, Chris."

"But you're not in love."

I shake my head, sighing. "I feel horrible about it. I should have ended it a long time ago. I shouldn't have even started it."

"You can't keep leading him on like this, it's wrong."

"I understand, but... I could go on like this, marry Mick and be happy, but not quite enough. When I see him I want to get that feeling where I can't control myself, slam him in the wall and jump into his arms. It's not there, it's never been there."

"Then I don't get it why you two are still together."

"Because I was going to break it off, but then this talk about reunion started and I thought, if he and I are over, then Fleetwood Mac won't happen. The band is so much more important."

"Than your personal happiness? That is bullshit, Stevie!"

"We haven't slept together in..." I try to remember, but I truly can't. "Has to be two months by now."

"This is hard to believe."

"I'm serious. Don't let this slip to anyone..." Chris nods and I continue. "We went to see a doctor."

"What kind of doctor?"

"You know."

She pauses for a moment. "Okay, and?"

"I want a baby."

"Stevie..." Chris drags out my name, urging me to continue.

"We were told that it's very unlikely to happen."

"Because of whom?"

"Him."

"You're wasting time, love." Christine looks at me sympathetically. "The band should be the last thing of worries on your list. You can find the one still and you can have your baby, you would be the best mother ever."

"Find the one? I don't need to look for him."

"Well, then does Lindsey know any of this?"

"Of course not, we haven't spoken since '93. I'm not going to say, hey Lindsey, you want to hook up? Let's have a child while we're at it too!"

"That's not what I meant, Stevie. All I'm saying is that you are the farthest from being happy."

"What do you suggest then?"

"If I were you, I would go away not to be interrupted, think about this whole thing, set your priorities straight, decide what you truly want and then act on it."

I knew I could count on Chris. "You're right. You're absolutely right. You always know the right thing to say." I lean over and hug her. "I'm going to do just that."