Acceptance

Family life

Lindsey's POV

I'm a father! For one whole week of seven days, I'm a dad to the most beautiful precious little angel. I often heard other people say how it's a whole new level of love that you experience once you have a child and I thought, how much different can it be? Now I know. Nothing comes before Cara, nothing. I've promised myself, Steph and our daughter that whatever it takes, I will always put her first, that she's my first priority forever from now on. Yes, we don't get as much sleep and getting up in the middle of the night isn't the most fun, but then when she looks at me or her little fist wraps around my finger, I forget about everything. It's just her.

Barbara and Jess left four days ago, I know Stevie's mother was a lot of help, but we can't have her with us all the time, we must learn to be parents and everything that comes with caring for our baby on our own. Actually, I need to learn things, Stevie is just a natural. It's been such a short period of time and she already knows what Cara needs by hearing the way she cries or taking one look at her face. If I had known it was going to be like this, I would have never let things escalate so badly, I would have married Stevie and had like... ten kids!

It's very early in the morning, just past 6 am, and we're already wide awake, because Cara seems to have had enough sleep. She's lying on Stevie's chest just observing her surroundings, while Stevie's hands are on her back, eyes closed, definitely enjoying the quiet moment. I'm flipping through channels on TV, but it's mainly news. Bella, who hasn't been receiving much attention is also in the bed with us, lying by my feet.

"Did you ever think family life was going to be like this?" 

I turn to look at Stevie as she asks. "Like what?"

"Up at 6 on Saturday morning, watching news, trying not to do anything to disturb our calm baby?"

"Is it bad somehow? I've never been happier in my life." I say, stroking Cara's hair as her big eyes settle on me.

"Not that it's bad, but it's... a lot."

"It is, of course it is. All we ever did was be selfish and care about ourselves, now we have to put that aside and devote all of our attention to our daughter. It is challenging, I'm not saying it isn't, people usually have kids in their 20's or 30's, it took us a lot longer, but I don't regret anything. We took time to grow up, to learn how to communicate with each other and without it we would have never been able to be together. I know we're going to be tired all the time, especially it will be hard for you, but then I think about moments like Cara's first smile or word, or first steps... And I then I'm sure we won't even remember those sleepless nights."

"I wish I was this optimistic." 

"What are you saying?" I turn the TV off and sit up against the headboard. "You're... you're not happy?"

"Don't even say that, Lindsey! No, that's not what I meant. I'm just saying raising a child is a lot of work and it's only been a week since we had her."

"You know you can tell me and I'll do anything, Steph. I want to be as much help to you as I possibly can."

"Can you breastfeed Cara the next time she's hungry?" I see a glimpse of a smile across her lips and it eases my nerves down quite a bit, I was getting slightly worried. "My nipples are so sore."

"Um, okay... no, sorry. But I can massage them..."

"Oh no, mister! You are not getting your hands on me any time soon, if ever."

"That's not something we agreed on before you got pregnant!"

"We didn't know I would get pregnant."

"Stevie, I..."

"Oh, relax. I'm just kidding. Gee, where's your sense of humor? Do you truly believe I wouldn't want you ever again? I will be begging you for another baby in like two months."

"Didn't you just say how raising a baby is really hard?"

"Oh my God, Lindsey! Sense of humor!" I remain silent, because she just got me so confused. "Did I upset you?"

"Wha... no. No you didn't, honestly." I smile and lay my head on her pillow, kissing her temple. "Why don't you do something for yourself? Take a bath or have breakfast in silence, while Cara is not throwing any tantrums, I'll stay with her."

"Aw, you would do that for me?"

"Well, yes." I laugh, sitting up straight again and take our daughter in my arms. "Is it a lot I'm doing for you?"

"It's nice." Stevie shrugs, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. She reaches for her robe and ties the sash quickly. "I'll take a shower, but don't you dare coming in and peeping. I don't have my bikini body ready yet." She chuckles at her own joke and closes the bathroom door from the other side. 

I lean to whisper to Cara. "Mommy's gone nuts."

She gurgles something back and hopefully agrees with me. I get what Stevie is saying, but nobody ever told us this was going to be easy. Although, one thing that she said in particular, about having another baby, I'm not a hundred percent sure she was just kidding about it.

While Stevie takes her time in the shower, I sing Cara back to peaceful slumber and smile to myself. I proved myself wrong and I admit it, the love you have for your own child is like nothing you have ever felt before.