The Last Hours

35: James

As I walked away, I waited for Cordelia to call me back. She didn't. I kept walking and walking, till I had reached the Institute. I headed straight to my room, and threw myself onto my bed. It was then I finally allowed myself to cry.

I had just made a fool out of myself. How could I have been so stupid? It was clear that she loved Harry, she was marrying him for the angels sake! I had been such a bloody fool in thinking that loved me back. Just then, there was a knock at my door.

"Come in!" I called.

Not to my surprise, in walked Matthew. He was dressed in his gear, so I suspected that he had been in the training room. He came over and threw himself on my bed beside me.

"Training?" I asked.

"Yup, with Jesse." He replied.

"Jesse?" I asked surprisedly.

"Yes. He's not as bad as I thought." Matthew said.

"Glad to know someone had a good day." I mumbled.

"What happened?" He asked, sitting up.

"I dumbly told Cordelia I love her." I said.

"And what happened?" Matthew asked.

I sighed. "What do you think happened? She's getting married, I don't know what I was thinking."

"Well, at least you tried. Now you won't feel as if you did not try." Matthew tried to comfort me.

"Why am I such an idiot, Matthew?" I groaned.

"Your not an idiot, James. You listened to heart for once, which is something you need to do more of. So what Cordelia turned you down? You can't say that you didn't try." He said.

I sighed. "That's true. I just don't think I'll ever be able to face her again."

"Well, supper is in a few minutes so you'll kind of have to." Matthew said amusedly.

I chuckled, and he looked pleased. We spoke for a bit longer, and then Bridgette was at the door telling us that supper was ready. I took a deep, and followed Matthew out of my room. The walk from my room to the dining room seemed like a second. I walked in to see everyone already eating. I gingerly took across from Cordelia, because of course, it was the only one left.

I didn't look up, but I could feel her dark brown eyes on me. I then noticed that her fiancée Harry, was sitting next her. I felt my heart sink. God, what was I going to do? On the other side of Cordelia, Lucie was studying me with her light blue eyes. Cordelia had probably told her what had happened.

Just then there's was a commotion at the door way of the dining room. I looked up to see all of the Lightwoods streaming in, Aunt Cecily leading.

"Hello Jamie." She said while embracing me.

"Hello Aunt Cecy." I replied.

Then, Uncle Gabriel came up and hugged me, followed by Uncle Gideon and Aunt Sophie. Mother and father by some extra chairs, and all the Lightwoods sat down. I sat beside Christopher and Thomas, Matthew was beside Christopher. I was suddenly reminded of the Shadowhunter academy. Oh how times have changed, I thought to myself.

"Is everything ready for the wedding, Cordelia?" Asked Anna, who sat on the other side of Thomas.

I felt myself tense all over again at the mention of her wedding. Thomas must have sensed it, because he gave me a confused look. I told him that I would explain later.

"Yes, everything is ready." Cordelia smiled. It made me feel sick.

"You must be so excited." Anna said.

At that, Cordelia's smile faltered and I wondered why.

"I am." She finally said.

Harry then reached over and put his arm around her. He leaned over and whispered something in her ear, and she burst out laughing. That was enough for me, I stood up throwing my napkin down on the table.

"Excuse me." I mumbled.

I stormed out of the dining room, all of voices suddenly stopping. I walked to the front hall and opened the doors. I walked outside and threw myself down on the steps, angrily. Why was life so unfair? Why couldn't Cordelia love me back? Was there something wrong with me, so that I couldn't be loved?

I heard the door open, and someone step out.

"You didn't have to follow me out here, Matthew." I said, not turning my head.

The person sat down beside me. I was shocked to see not Matthew, but Uncle Gabriel.

"Uncle Gabriel? Where's Matthew?" I said surprisedly.

"He wanted to come follow you, but I thought I would." He said.

I didn't say anything, so Uncle Gabriel went on.

"What is troubling you, James?" He asked. "Cecily knows there is something bothering you, but she would not tell me what it was. She said you had asked her not to."

I smiled at that. Aunt Cecily always kept my secrets, not matter how big or small.

"I'm in love with Cordelia." I said.

Uncle Gabriel smirked. "I had thought so. What is wrong with that?"

"She does not return my feelings. Today I told her that I love her, and she said that she does not love me. I wasn't sure what I had been expecting really, I mean, she is getting married tomorrow." I said bitterly.

"You know, I've known your father a for long time." Uncle Gabriel said, after a pause.

I looked at him a bit confusedly. What did that have to with my situation?

"There was time when he and I did not like each other." He chuckled a bit at that. "Though even then, I could see his love for your mother. I knew that he was in love with her, even when Jem and Tessa were engaged. He knew that he could not ask Jem to call off the engagement, so he stayed silent. He remained strong through it all. Not once did he ever seem to be bothered by it, and if he was, it was gone in a second."

"I'm sorry, but how does this apply to my situation?" I asked.

"Because I can see same strength in you, as I saw in your father then." Uncle Gabriel said. "You will get through this, James. You will find a way to be strong, just like your father did."

"But my father married my mother in the end." I pointed out.

Uncle Gabriel then got an amused expression on his face. "Who knows Jamie, you may even marry Cordelia one day. You'd be surprised at how love works."

I then felt as if those words had a deeper meaning to them. I sighed and turned to look at him.

"Thank you, Uncle Gabriel." I said.

"No problem, James. I will feel fully thanked, though, if you do something for me." He got a devilishly smile on his face.

"What is it?" I asked.

"You must tell Gideon that you like me better then him." He smirked.

"Well, I can't lie to him." I joked.

Uncle Gabriel laughed, patted me on shoulder, and then went back inside. I stayed outside for a few more minutes. I would find a way to be strong, just like how Uncle Gabriel had said.

I had to.