The Last Hours

34: Cordelia

"But mother, don't you think purple flowers would be nicer?" I said.

"No Cordy, I think we should change them to pink." Mother said.

"Colette, don't you think purple would be nice? Pink will not fit in as well with all the gold." Aunt Tessa said.

Aunt Tessa, my mother, and I were in the drawing room, finalizing the decorations for Harry and I's wedding. I wanted to keep the flowers purple, but my mother thought that pink would look better. I was becoming very stressed because my wedding was in two days.

"You are right, Tessa, we will do purple." Mother agreed.

I gave Aunt Tessa a thankful smile, and she gave me a warm one back. Aunt Tessa had been helping with the preparations as well. Just then someone walked into that drawing room. I felt relieved to see Lucie.

"Hello Cordy, are you finished?" She asked.

"Yes." I said not asking my mother. "Let's go."

I hurried out of room, not wanting to have to put up with my wedding plans any longer. Lucie lead me to the front steps of the Institute, and took a seat. I sat too. Why would she bring me here? I thought confusedly.

"Why did we come out here?" I asked.

"Oh just a change of scenery." She said, but I could tell that there was another reason.

She then smirked at me. "You went as red as a tomato when Jamie called you Daisy yesterday."

I blushed. "I did not."

"You did, and your blushing right now as well." Lucie said. "Do you love him?"

I hesitated. Did I love James? Of course I did. I never stopped. But now there was Harry, and I loved him as well. I could not spend all my time on James, if he did not love me back.

"Yes." I finally said. "But I love Harry a lot, and we are getting married. I cannot spend all my time on James if he does not love me back."

Disappointment and surprise flashed across Lucie's face, and I was taken aback.

"Do you think he ever loved you?" She asked.

"James?" I said. "No, I do not think so. Which is fine, I have to get over him some day."

She was about to say something, when the doors opened. James walked out. He looked very nervous and tense.

"Cordelia." He said. "Can I speak with you?"

Beside me, I saw Lucie looking worried. What for? I wondered. I nodded my head and smiled at Lucie. James surprised me, by taking my hand and leading me away from the Institute. We glamoured ourselves, and then left. We walked in silence. He lead me all the way to Blackfriars bridge. We stopped and leaked against the edge of the bridge.

"What is it that you wish to speak to me about?" I asked.

He took a deep breath. "I have something to tell you."

"Alright." I said, a bit nervously. What was he going to say?

"I-I'm-I'm in love with you." James stuttered.

My whole world stopped. I felt my heart beat a million times faster. Was this happening? Had he said that I thought he had? By the expression on his face, I knew that he had. My mind was spinning. I didn't say anything, so he continued on.

"I've loved you ever since last year, before you left to Paris, Cordelia. I still do." He said shakily.

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to hug him, kiss him, a thousand times over and over. But I could not have that. I was going to be married. All my life, I had wanted James to say these words to me, and now that he finally had, I couldn't have him.

"Cordelia, is there any chance that you-that you might love me?" James said very quietly.

Yes! Yes I'm in love with you, my mind exclaimed. But I couldn't. I couldn't tell him. Why leave him with that burden of knowing that I loved him, but couldn't have him? And even if I did tell him, there was no way I could bear Harry's devastated expression when I told him that the wedding was off.

"I'm sorry James, no I do not." I whispered.

The shock, hurt, and disappointment was so strong in his golden eyes, that I had to look away. I felt tears forming in my eyes, but I pushed them back.

"You-you don't?" He asked, clearly shocked.

"No." I whispered.

I dug my nails into my palm, as if to drown out the pain in his eyes. By the angel, why did this have to be so hard?

"But-but Lucie said you used to and I had thought--" James broke off.

"I did. I had loved you since I was ten, up until this year. I-I'm in love Harry now." I said, the tears threatening to pour out of my eyes.

"I'm too late." He whispered.

And when I didn't say anything, when I just stood there blinking back tears, he shuddered. Everything in me wanted to reach out and tell him that I did love him, but I knew I couldn't.

"That's it then." He said dryly. "I'll never find love."

"You will, James. If I can be sure of one thing, it is that. Someone will love you, and you will be happy." I tried to reassure him.

"But that love won't be you." He said.

His golden eyes were staring into my brown ones. There was much raw pain and hurt in them, that it made tears finally come down my cheeks.

"No, it won't be me." My voice cracked, as I spoke.

He turned away from me, and I had to stop myself from grabbing his arm. After a few moments, he turned back around to face me. His expression was stony, as if the life had been sucked out of it. Somehow, it was worse than all the pain in his eyes.

"If that it how you feel, then so be it. I hope you enjoy your wedding." James said stonily.

He then turned on his heel, and walked away from me. Every fiber of my being was itching to tell him to stay. To kiss him. To tell him that I loved him. But, I only stood there watching him leave. Once he was out of my sight, I turned back to look at the Thames.

Why did life have to be so unfair? Why couldn't I have them both? I had always dreamed of someone saying those words to me, but never had I imagined James being the one to say them them.

"I've loved you since last year. I still do."

That was when I finally broke. Thankfully I had a glamour on, because I did not anyone to see me collapse in a fit of sobs.