Painting Paper Hearts | ✔

Chapter 25- Of Tears and Failures

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It was all but a seed of hope that budded into a flower. A placebo. That hope was enough for Al to fight every day, and for Connie to continue to support her husband to whatever extent.

Fresh memories replayed in my head. When Al told me his final resolve, I caught his eyes— they were full of anticipation, of yearning to finally meet with mom. But what I fear was mom's reaction. Had I given this spontaneous turn of event an ample amount of time to think about, to reflect upon, and consider the possible consequences?

The only consequence is that you'll be in deep trouble. Deep, deep, deep trouble.

Well, I supposed so.

I shook away the thought as I reminded myself that this was all for mom and Nana's peace of mind. No, not only for them— for Connie and Al, too. They too, deserved a peace of mind— the reassurance that mom had forgiven their shortcomings and faults.

My eyes darted on Connie who was sitting beside me as she gingerly flipping through her wallet. She pulled out some tattered images from a clear wallet pocket but the photographs were still clear as day.

"Look, this is your mom when she was sixteen. You look just like her," Connie's smile was as radiant as the beaming sun, her eyes glimmering on the photograph of my mother, looking young and innocent with her hair big and fluffy. She flipped through all the pictures she pulled up with gusto, refreshing her mind at what was happening at that point in time. I found myself matching Connie's smile as I stared at the image. It was uncanny how this single image could stir a wave emotion in her.

Al, on the other hand, was silent as he stared at a far distance on the window. In the corner of my eyes, I caught a glimpse of a certain gas station, a landmark that easily indicated that we were a couple minutes away from seeing mom.

Even I was getting edgy. The air in the car was growing thicker from anxiety. Connie held her husband's hand with careful touch as I told the driver to pull over once I saw the house to my right.

It was already ten past seven in the evening yet the sun hadn't set. Although the radiance lessened, the warmth adhered around us when we stepped out of the car. A private nurse was helping Connie discharge Al out of the car with careful hands. At his sickly age, he would easily get bruised.

Fright and uneasiness filled my chest when I stepped to our front porch. Christ, if I hadn't controlled my breathing, I would've exploded even before we got here. Connie, Al and the private nurse were all standing behind me but my hands couldn't move. For a second there, I was just glaring at the door, perforating.

Oh my god, I'm not having last minute regrets, am I?

Connie's hand slipped in between mine and pinched them lightly as though reminding me of her presence. I wasn't alone and that made me smile and breathe properly.

If all else fails, I'd end up with the same fate as mom— shunned and forgotten, hated, even.

Negative thoughts, go away! Go away! Go away! Focus, Emerald. You can do this dammit!!

I finally had the guts to knock on the door and from then on was a battle of mind over matter. It felt like a decade had passed before I heard the lock click.

The swinging motion slowed, I kid you not. The anticipation heightened along with the beat of our hearts. Connie's hand gripped mine with more pressure once the person on the other side of the door fully revealed herself.